Losing friendships

A discussion on all aspects of Theravāda Buddhism
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Zachary
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Losing friendships

Post by Zachary » Mon Jun 18, 2018 12:33 pm

Hello,

My friends like to go partying, drinking, going to festivals, chasing their dreams of succes, enjoying a whole lot of entertainment. And I'm totally opposite of what they're doing. I spend most of my hours in meditation, read meditation manuals, go to dhamma groups and to retreats. I think me and my friends are heading to totally different destinations. I think these are my options:

A) Do more things with my friends to let them know I'm still one of the group
B) Let it be. If they want to do things with me, that's fine. But if we be apart for a longer while or separated forever, that will be ok too.
C) Let them know that we can't be friends anymore, because we are to different in interest and values

Which should I choose?

Thanks and metta from Zachary

Dinsdale
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Re: Losing friendships

Post by Dinsdale » Mon Jun 18, 2018 1:16 pm

Zachary wrote:
Mon Jun 18, 2018 12:33 pm
Hello,

My friends like to go partying, drinking, going to festivals, chasing their dreams of succes, enjoying a whole lot of entertainment. And I'm totally opposite of what they're doing. I spend most of my hours in meditation, read meditation manuals, go to dhamma groups and to retreats. I think me and my friends are heading to totally different destinations. I think these are my options:

A) Do more things with my friends to let them know I'm still one of the group
B) Let it be. If they want to do things with me, that's fine. But if we be apart for a longer while or separated forever, that will be ok too.
C) Let them know that we can't be friends anymore, because we are to different in interest and values

Which should I choose?

Thanks and metta from Zachary
B sounds like the middle way!
Buddha save me from new-agers!

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Sam Vara
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Re: Losing friendships

Post by Sam Vara » Mon Jun 18, 2018 2:03 pm

B.

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SDC
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Re: Losing friendships

Post by SDC » Mon Jun 18, 2018 3:27 pm

Definitely not C

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TamHanhHi
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Re: Losing friendships

Post by TamHanhHi » Mon Jun 18, 2018 3:42 pm

B.

Also, see if you can bring one or more of them along with you when you go on a short retreat. I did with one of my friends and she loved it. Doesn't hurt to try, and if they turn you down, no worries.
"Just as a large banyan tree, on level ground where four roads meet, is a haven for the birds all around, even so a lay person of conviction is a haven for many people: monks, nuns, male lay followers, & female lay followers."AN 5.38 :candle: | Blog at http://dhammareflections.wordpress.com

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Pseudobabble
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Re: Losing friendships

Post by Pseudobabble » Mon Jun 18, 2018 5:22 pm

SDC wrote:
Mon Jun 18, 2018 3:27 pm
Definitely not C
Agreed. B.
"Does Master Gotama have any position at all?"

"A 'position,' Vaccha, is something that a Tathagata has done away with. What a Tathagata sees is this: 'Such is form, such its origination, such its disappearance; such is feeling, such its origination, such its disappearance; such is perception...such are fabrications...such is consciousness, such its origination, such its disappearance.'" - Aggi-Vacchagotta Sutta


'Dust thou art, and unto dust thou shalt return.' - Genesis 3:19

'Some fart freely, some try to hide and silence it. Which one is correct?' - Saegnapha

2600htz
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Re: Losing friendships

Post by 2600htz » Mon Jun 18, 2018 6:04 pm

Hello:

Closest friends will stick around, but you probably won´t see them so often as you used to do.
But you have to show them affection from time to time, so they can know you still care.

Regards.

paul
Posts: 1307
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Location: Vietnam

Re: Losing friendships

Post by paul » Mon Jun 18, 2018 7:24 pm

B
The practitioner must look at the long-term implications.
"Bad friends, bad companions,
Bad practices — spending time in evil ways,
By these, one brings oneself to ruin,
In this world and the next.

Seduction, gambling, drinking, singing, dancing,
Sleeping by day, wandering all around untimely,
Harmful friends, utter stinginess:
These things destroy a person.

They play with dice; they drink spirits;
They consort with lovers dear to others.
Associating with low-life and not the esteemed,
They come to ruin like the waning moon.

Whoever is a drunkard, broke, and destitute,
Dragged by thirst from bar to bar,
Sinking into debt like a stone in water
Into bewilderment quickly plunges.

When sleeping late becomes a habit
And night is seen as time to rise,
For one perpetually intoxicated,
A home life cannot be maintained.

'Too cold! Too hot!
Too late!': they say.
Having wasted work time this way,
The young miss out on opportunities.

For one regarding cold and hot
As not more than blades of grass,
Doing whatever should be done,
Happiness will not be a stranger."---DN 31, Kelly, Sawyer, Yareham.

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DNS
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Re: Losing friendships

Post by DNS » Mon Jun 18, 2018 8:07 pm

Zachary wrote:
Mon Jun 18, 2018 12:33 pm
Which should I choose?
B as in buddha. :meditate:

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Kim OHara
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Re: Losing friendships

Post by Kim OHara » Mon Jun 18, 2018 8:24 pm

B.

We had a very similar thread here a while ago but I can't remember it well enough to find it for Zachary. Does anyone else recall it?

:namaste:
Kim

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retrofuturist
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Re: Losing friendships

Post by retrofuturist » Mon Jun 18, 2018 10:56 pm

Greetings,

Another B.

Metta,
Paul. :)
"Do not force others, including children, by any means whatsoever, to adopt your views, whether by authority, threat, money, propaganda, or even education." - Ven. Thich Nhat Hanh

"The uprooting of identity is seen by the noble ones as pleasurable; but this contradicts what the whole world sees." (Snp 3.12)

"One discerns wrong view as wrong view, and right view as right view. This is one's right view." (MN 117)

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Sam Vara
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Re: Losing friendships

Post by Sam Vara » Mon Jun 18, 2018 10:58 pm

Kim OHara wrote:
Mon Jun 18, 2018 8:24 pm
B.

We had a very similar thread here a while ago but I can't remember it well enough to find it for Zachary. Does anyone else recall it?

:namaste:
Kim
Here we go:

viewtopic.php?f=42&t=31797&p=469786#p469786

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salayatananirodha
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Re: Losing friendships

Post by salayatananirodha » Tue Jun 19, 2018 1:47 am

Should a seeker not find a companion who is better or equal, let him resolutely pursue a solitary course; there is no fellowship with the fool.

- Balavagga, Dhammapada.
16. 'In what has the world originated?' — so said the Yakkha Hemavata, — 'with what is the world intimate? by what is the world afflicted, after having grasped at what?' (167)

17. 'In six the world has originated, O Hemavata,' — so said Bhagavat, — 'with six it is intimate, by six the world is afflicted, after having grasped at six.' (168)

- Hemavatasutta


links:
https://www.ancient-buddhist-texts.net/index.htm
http://thaiforestwisdom.org/canonical-texts/
http://seeingthroughthenet.net/
https://www.dhammatalks.org/index.html

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Kim OHara
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Re: Losing friendships

Post by Kim OHara » Tue Jun 19, 2018 2:27 am

Sam Vara wrote:
Mon Jun 18, 2018 10:58 pm
Kim OHara wrote:
Mon Jun 18, 2018 8:24 pm
B.

We had a very similar thread here a while ago but I can't remember it well enough to find it for Zachary. Does anyone else recall it?

:namaste:
Kim
Here we go:

viewtopic.php?f=42&t=31797&p=469786#p469786
That's the one!

:twothumbsup:

Kim

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