Is this a real Buddha quote? How to deal with loneliness?

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Strive4Karuna
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Is this a real Buddha quote? How to deal with loneliness?

Post by Strive4Karuna »

There is a quote on a poster that says something a long the lines of "Do not live in the past or anticipate troubles in the future, live earnestly in the present."

Is this a real Buddha quote? Is this quote a good representation of what the Buddha taught?


Recently, ive been thinking a lot about the future. I am a loner, I have not had any friends for the past 5 or 6 years now. Have never been in a relationship and do not see it ever happening. I will never get married or have a family of my own. Being the youngest in my family, I have grown fearful about the future that one day my mother will pass away and I will feel so lonely. It is very painful for me to think about this day and I want to prepare myself right now. I want to be strong enough to deal with this the day it comes. I dont want to be the weak minded person I am and feel like my whole life is over the day my mother passes.

According to the Buddhas teachings, is it wrong for me to worry about troubles like this in the future? Even though I dont have friends right now, I dont get lonely. As long as I have my mother by myside I am okay. But the day my mother passes my whole world will come crashing down and I do not know if I will have any desire to be alive anymore or just wish to be dead.

What can I do to better prepare myself for this day. I need to be stronger mentally, I am way too weak minded.
binocular
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Re: Is this a real Buddha quote? How to deal with loneliness?

Post by binocular »

Strive4Karuna wrote: Tue May 22, 2018 6:25 pm There is a quote on a poster that says something a long the lines of "Do not live in the past or anticipate troubles in the future, live earnestly in the present."

Is this a real Buddha quote? Is this quote a good representation of what the Buddha taught?
It's looks like a reference to suttas such as this:
/.../
You shouldn't chase after the past
or place expectations on the future.
What is past
is left behind.
The future
is as yet unreached.
Whatever quality is present
you clearly see right there,
right there.
Not taken in,
unshaken,
that's how you develop the heart.
Ardently doing
what should be done today,
for — who knows? — tomorrow
death.
There is no bargaining
with Mortality & his mighty horde.

Whoever lives thus ardently,
relentlessly
both day & night,
has truly had an auspicious day:
so says the Peaceful Sage.
/.../

https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitak ... .than.html
Hic Rhodus, hic salta!
Strive4Karuna
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Joined: Sun Dec 30, 2012 9:38 am

Re: Is this a real Buddha quote? How to deal with loneliness?

Post by Strive4Karuna »

binocular wrote: Tue May 22, 2018 6:34 pm
Strive4Karuna wrote: Tue May 22, 2018 6:25 pm There is a quote on a poster that says something a long the lines of "Do not live in the past or anticipate troubles in the future, live earnestly in the present."

Is this a real Buddha quote? Is this quote a good representation of what the Buddha taught?
It's looks like a reference to suttas such as this:
/.../
You shouldn't chase after the past
or place expectations on the future.
What is past
is left behind.
The future
is as yet unreached.
Whatever quality is present
you clearly see right there,
right there.
Not taken in,
unshaken,
that's how you develop the heart.
Ardently doing
what should be done today,
for — who knows? — tomorrow
death.
There is no bargaining
with Mortality & his mighty horde.

Whoever lives thus ardently,
relentlessly
both day & night,
has truly had an auspicious day:
so says the Peaceful Sage.
/.../

https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitak ... .than.html
Thanks binocular!
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bodom
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Re: Is this a real Buddha quote? How to deal with loneliness?

Post by bodom »

The Wilderness
Arañña Sutta  (SN 1:10)


Standing to one side, a devatā addressed the Blessed One with a verse:

“Living in the wilderness,

staying peaceful, remaining chaste,

eating just one meal a day:

why are their faces

so bright & serene?”

The Buddha:

“They don’t sorrow over the past,

don’t long for the future.

They survive on the present.

That’s why their faces

are bright & serene.

From longing for the future,

from sorrowing over the past,

fools wither away

like a green reed cut down.”
https://www.dhammatalks.org/suttas/SN/SN1_10.html

:namaste:
Liberation is the inevitable fruit of the path and is bound to blossom forth when there is steady and persistent practice. The only requirements for reaching the final goal are two: to start and to continue. If these requirements are met there is no doubt the goal will be attained. This is the Dhamma, the undeviating law.

- BB
Strive4Karuna
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Joined: Sun Dec 30, 2012 9:38 am

Re: Is this a real Buddha quote? How to deal with loneliness?

Post by Strive4Karuna »

bodom wrote: Tue May 22, 2018 8:49 pm
The Wilderness
Arañña Sutta  (SN 1:10)


Standing to one side, a devatā addressed the Blessed One with a verse:

“Living in the wilderness,

staying peaceful, remaining chaste,

eating just one meal a day:

why are their faces

so bright & serene?”

The Buddha:

“They don’t sorrow over the past,

don’t long for the future.

They survive on the present.

That’s why their faces

are bright & serene.

From longing for the future,

from sorrowing over the past,

fools wither away

like a green reed cut down.”
https://www.dhammatalks.org/suttas/SN/SN1_10.html

:namaste:
Bodom, thank you for the reply. Is it wrong of me according to the dhamma to worry about a future without my mother? When the Buddha left the palace and saw the four sights, the sick man, old man, dying man, it drove him to pursue the spirtual life and nibbana. When he saw these sights, he must have felt some worry for the future?

How can I be realistic that all my loved ones will one day pass away and use it in a good way instead of thinking about the future in a way that is detrimental and against the Buddhas teaching?

Should i simply give up thinking about the inevitable future and try to be as happy as I can be right now? It seems like the Buddha was able to think about old age, sickness and death in a positive way by using it to strengthen his pratice while my thinking of the inevitable future that we will all pass is being used the wrong way and is doing nothing for me but causing more suffering right now.
paul
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Re: Is this a real Buddha quote? How to deal with loneliness?

Post by paul »

Just as the Buddha saw impermanence in old age sickness and death, and abandoning the home life chose a path of discovering the dhamma, so the practitioner must change the theme of their life from focussing on the world of name and form to deepening their dhamma knowledge so it instead becomes their refuge:

“this Dhamma is visible here-&-now, not subject to time, inviting all to come & see, pertinent, to be known by the wise for themselves.”—-SN 1:20 Thanissaro

User1249x
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Re: Is this a real Buddha quote? How to deal with loneliness?

Post by User1249x »

https://fakebuddhaquotes.com/do-not-dwe ... he-future/
The Dhammapada verse 348:

348. Muñca pure muñca pacchato, majjhe muñca bhavassa pāragū;
Sabbattha vimuttamānaso, na punaṃ jātijaraṃ upehisi.
Translated from the Pali by Ven. Nārada Thera ;

Let go the past. Let go the future. Let go the present (front, back and middle). Crossing to the farther shore of existence, with mind released from everything, do not again undergo birth and decay.

Translated from the Pali by Ven. Ācharya Buddharakkhita;

Let go of the past, let go of the future, let go of the present, and cross over to the farther shore of existence. With mind wholly liberated, you shall come no more to birth and death.

Translated from the Pali by Ven. Thanissaro Bhikkhu ;

Gone to the beyond of becoming,
you let go of in front,
let go of behind,
let go of between.
With a heart everywhere let-go,
you don't come again to birth
& aging.

Translated from the Pali by Ven. Varado Bhikkhu;

Let go of what’s been and whatever’s foreseen,
And let go of the present which stands in between.
Having left all becoming, with mind well-released,
Then returning to birth and old-age, you will cease.

Translated from the Pali by Friedrich Max Müller;

Give up what is before, give up what is behind, give up what is in the middle, when thou goest to the other shore of existence; if thy mind is altogether free, thou wilt not again enter into birth and decay.

Cited from DLMBS [8];

Let go of the past, let go of the future.
Let go of the present. When you cross over to the other shore of existence,
and your mind will be completely free,
you will never again come to birth and aging.
Strive4Karuna
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Re: Is this a real Buddha quote? How to deal with loneliness?

Post by Strive4Karuna »

paul wrote: Tue May 22, 2018 10:45 pm Just as the Buddha saw impermanence in old age sickness and death, and abandoning the home life chose a path of discovering the dhamma, so the practitioner must change the theme of their life from focussing on the world of name and form to deepening their dhamma knowledge so it instead becomes their refuge:

“this Dhamma is visible here-&-now, not subject to time, inviting all to come & see, pertinent, to be known by the wise for themselves.”—-SN 1:20 Thanissaro

thanks for the response paul!
Strive4Karuna
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Joined: Sun Dec 30, 2012 9:38 am

Re: Is this a real Buddha quote? How to deal with loneliness?

Post by Strive4Karuna »

User1249x wrote: Tue May 22, 2018 11:49 pm https://fakebuddhaquotes.com/do-not-dwe ... he-future/
The Dhammapada verse 348:

348. Muñca pure muñca pacchato, majjhe muñca bhavassa pāragū;
Sabbattha vimuttamānaso, na punaṃ jātijaraṃ upehisi.
Translated from the Pali by Ven. Nārada Thera ;

Let go the past. Let go the future. Let go the present (front, back and middle). Crossing to the farther shore of existence, with mind released from everything, do not again undergo birth and decay.

Translated from the Pali by Ven. Ācharya Buddharakkhita;

Let go of the past, let go of the future, let go of the present, and cross over to the farther shore of existence. With mind wholly liberated, you shall come no more to birth and death.

Translated from the Pali by Ven. Thanissaro Bhikkhu ;

Gone to the beyond of becoming,
you let go of in front,
let go of behind,
let go of between.
With a heart everywhere let-go,
you don't come again to birth
& aging.

Translated from the Pali by Ven. Varado Bhikkhu;

Let go of what’s been and whatever’s foreseen,
And let go of the present which stands in between.
Having left all becoming, with mind well-released,
Then returning to birth and old-age, you will cease.

Translated from the Pali by Friedrich Max Müller;

Give up what is before, give up what is behind, give up what is in the middle, when thou goest to the other shore of existence; if thy mind is altogether free, thou wilt not again enter into birth and decay.

Cited from DLMBS [8];

Let go of the past, let go of the future.
Let go of the present. When you cross over to the other shore of existence,
and your mind will be completely free,
you will never again come to birth and aging.
[name redacted by admin], thank you for sharing this beautiful quote.
User1249x
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Re: Is this a real Buddha quote? How to deal with loneliness?

Post by User1249x »

For developing mental resilience one should train the Four Satipatthana and cultivate the Factors of Enlightenment. Train supportive meditations as well and contemplate The Dhamma often.

You have The Dhamma to fall back on, that is and will be your refuge when the time comes. It is the best refuge too so i think you will be alright.
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bodom
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Re: Is this a real Buddha quote? How to deal with loneliness?

Post by bodom »

Strive4Karuna wrote: Bodom, thank you for the reply. Is it wrong of me according to the dhamma to worry about a future without my mother? When the Buddha left the palace and saw the four sights, the sick man, old man, dying man, it drove him to pursue the spirtual life and nibbana. When he saw these sights, he must have felt some worry for the future?

How can I be realistic that all my loved ones will one day pass away and use it in a good way instead of thinking about the future in a way that is detrimental and against the Buddhas teaching?

Should i simply give up thinking about the inevitable future and try to be as happy as I can be right now? It seems like the Buddha was able to think about old age, sickness and death in a positive way by using it to strengthen his pratice while my thinking of the inevitable future that we will all pass is being used the wrong way and is doing nothing for me but causing more suffering right now.
The Buddha gave us reflections to ponder over everyday to lessen the impact of loss, change and the death of loved ones:
"There are these five facts that one should reflect on often, whether one is a woman or a man, lay or ordained. Which five?

"'I am subject to aging, have not gone beyond aging.' This is the first fact that one should reflect on often, whether one is a woman or a man, lay or ordained.

"'I am subject to illness, have not gone beyond illness.' ...

"'I am subject to death, have not gone beyond death.' ...

"'I will grow different, separate from all that is dear and appealing to me.' ...

"'I am the owner of my actions,[1] heir to my actions, born of my actions, related through my actions, and have my actions as my arbitrator. Whatever I do, for good or for evil, to that will I fall heir.' ...

"These are the five facts that one should reflect on often, whether one is a woman or a man, lay or ordained.
These reflections are not meant to induce worry or fear but just the opposites of non attachment and acceptance of the way things are. Look at these reflections almost as taking a vaccine. It may be painful at first to think about but ultimately in the end it will free you from unnecessary suffering when these events inevitably happen.

:namaste:
Liberation is the inevitable fruit of the path and is bound to blossom forth when there is steady and persistent practice. The only requirements for reaching the final goal are two: to start and to continue. If these requirements are met there is no doubt the goal will be attained. This is the Dhamma, the undeviating law.

- BB
befriend
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Re: Is this a real Buddha quote? How to deal with loneliness?

Post by befriend »

You could Ordain or find a sitting group and find some kalyanamittas/good people to enjoy each other's company. Buddha said noble friendship is not half the spiritual life it is the entire spiritual life. You practice in relation to others. We need joy like we need water. Be realistic not idealistic people need people. I ponder the same thing and worried the same as you did I am now nurturing my friendships and trying to have right speech because when you grow up your parents can't take care of you forever that is the way things are. I have a few good friends I can hang out with and now I am not as scared when the time comes for my parents to pass. If you've made social mistakes in the past see them as lessons to learn from. Buddha advocated for lay people to meet with people and converse he taught the 4 methods on maintaining friendships which are giving, endearing speech, impartiality and I forget the last one.
Take care of mindfulness and mindfulness will take care of you.
befriend
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Re: Is this a real Buddha quote? How to deal with loneliness?

Post by befriend »

Bodom, I thought the five remembrances were taught within the context of samvega spiritual urgency. Seeing that one is subject to aging sickness and death and kamma one should be ardent and do much good because death can come anytime. I may be wrong.
Take care of mindfulness and mindfulness will take care of you.
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bodom
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Re: Is this a real Buddha quote? How to deal with loneliness?

Post by bodom »

befriend wrote: Wed May 23, 2018 1:14 am Bodom, I thought the five remembrances were taught within the context of samvega spiritual urgency. Seeing that one is subject to aging sickness and death and kamma one should be ardent and do much good because death can come anytime. I may be wrong.
Sure but there is no reason they can't also be reflected on to lessen attachment to the things we hold most dearly and will eventually be separated from in this life.

:namaste:
Liberation is the inevitable fruit of the path and is bound to blossom forth when there is steady and persistent practice. The only requirements for reaching the final goal are two: to start and to continue. If these requirements are met there is no doubt the goal will be attained. This is the Dhamma, the undeviating law.

- BB
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TamHanhHi
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Re: Is this a real Buddha quote? How to deal with loneliness?

Post by TamHanhHi »

Strive4Karuna wrote: Tue May 22, 2018 6:25 pmBut the day my mother passes my whole world will come crashing down.?What can I do to better prepare myself for this day.
You're not the first person to lose a loved one, and certainly not the last. With birth as a requisite condition comes aging, illness and death (then rebirth for most of us). Spread some good will and compassion for those who lost their mothers today. May they have the strength to carry on.

But really, are you going to let your happiness depend on something so unstable? You know how your mother's story ends--it will be the same for all of us--so you're only setting yourself up for disappointment.

When the time comes we all have to let go of everything we held dear in this life. Clinging only makes us suffer.

You'll probably be sad when your mom passes, and you'll miss her, but this is how it is when living in the world, as the Buddha says. Don't tear your hair out. Just wish your mom well, now and after.
"Just as a large banyan tree, on level ground where four roads meet, is a haven for the birds all around, even so a lay person of conviction is a haven for many people: monks, nuns, male lay followers, & female lay followers."AN 5.38
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