Is this a real Buddha quote? How to deal with loneliness?

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Mkoll
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Re: Is this a real Buddha quote? How to deal with loneliness?

Post by Mkoll »

Strive4Karuna wrote: Tue May 22, 2018 6:25 pm There is a quote on a poster that says something a long the lines of "Do not live in the past or anticipate troubles in the future, live earnestly in the present."

Is this a real Buddha quote? Is this quote a good representation of what the Buddha taught?
IMO, the best quote that represents what the Buddha taught is from Dhammapada 183: "To avoid all evil, to cultivate good, and to cleanse one's mind — this is the teaching of the Buddhas."

Having said that, I don't think a quote or two or many can represent what the Buddha taught. Even distilling it down to that quote above brings up more questions. What is evil and how does one avoid it? What is good and how does one cultivate it? How does one cleanse one's mind? There are a lot of details that go into those answers that can be gleaned by learning, study, and contemplation.
Recently, ive been thinking a lot about the future. I am a loner, I have not had any friends for the past 5 or 6 years now. Have never been in a relationship and do not see it ever happening. I will never get married or have a family of my own. Being the youngest in my family, I have grown fearful about the future that one day my mother will pass away and I will feel so lonely. It is very painful for me to think about this day and I want to prepare myself right now. I want to be strong enough to deal with this the day it comes. I dont want to be the weak minded person I am and feel like my whole life is over the day my mother passes.

According to the Buddhas teachings, is it wrong for me to worry about troubles like this in the future? Even though I dont have friends right now, I dont get lonely. As long as I have my mother by myside I am okay. But the day my mother passes my whole world will come crashing down and I do not know if I will have any desire to be alive anymore or just wish to be dead.

What can I do to better prepare myself for this day. I need to be stronger mentally, I am way too weak minded.
Your post reminds me of a teaching Ajahn Sona gave in one of his talks about energy. He basically said to use energy to arouse energy: start with just a little and keep it going from there until it gathers momentum. He used the example of cleaning your house: you summon the energy to do one thing, then you do another, then another, you gather momentum and before you know it you've cleaned half the house. I find this really relatable and it's also in the suttas (SN 46.51).

Beyond that, I'd suggest letting go of negative views of yourself as soon as they arise. And when you've found they've rearisen, let them go again. It's like breath meditation in that you keep returning back despite straying again and again. MN 20 gives useful tools. Cultivating the brahmaviharas are always helpful. Reflect on the 5 subjects of frequent recollection (AN 5.57).

Hope some of that helps.
Namo tassa bhagavato arahato samma sambuddhassa
Namo tassa bhagavato arahato samma sambuddhassa
Namo tassa bhagavato arahato samma sambuddhassa
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No_Mind
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Re: Is this a real Buddha quote? How to deal with loneliness?

Post by No_Mind »

Strive4Karuna wrote: Tue May 22, 2018 6:25 pm Recently, ive been thinking a lot about the future. I am a loner, I have not had any friends for the past 5 or 6 years now. Have never been in a relationship and do not see it ever happening. I will never get married or have a family of my own. Being the youngest in my family, I have grown fearful about the future that one day my mother will pass away and I will feel so lonely. It is very painful for me to think about this day and I want to prepare myself right now. I want to be strong enough to deal with this the day it comes. I dont want to be the weak minded person I am and feel like my whole life is over the day my mother passes.

According to the Buddhas teachings, is it wrong for me to worry about troubles like this in the future? Even though I dont have friends right now, I dont get lonely. As long as I have my mother by myside I am okay. But the day my mother passes my whole world will come crashing down and I do not know if I will have any desire to be alive anymore or just wish to be dead.

What can I do to better prepare myself for this day. I need to be stronger mentally, I am way too weak minded.
Hi .. I am sort of in the same boat .. single and my mom is my best friend and she is getting closer and closer to that day .. I am not a loner but find the hoi polloi to be unbearably stupid.

However I am slightly luckier than you in having two sisters, two brothers-in-law, two nieces and their husbands and sum total of three friends.

My advice is just live in the moment .. enjoy every moment with her .. no one else will give you unconditional love ..

Keep a few candid photos .. both of you doing what you like .. say watching news together .. sitting in living room together ..

At end of the day, change is the only constant and both of us will be alone .. but then be optimistic .. maybe not .. Que Sera Sera whatever will be will be

:namaste:
"The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.”― Albert Camus
Bundokji
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Re: Is this a real Buddha quote? How to deal with loneliness?

Post by Bundokji »

bodom wrote: Wed May 23, 2018 12:50 am The Buddha gave us reflections to ponder over everyday to lessen the impact of loss, change and the death of loved ones:
"There are these five facts that one should reflect on often, whether one is a woman or a man, lay or ordained. Which five?

"'I am subject to aging, have not gone beyond aging.' This is the first fact that one should reflect on often, whether one is a woman or a man, lay or ordained.

"'I am subject to illness, have not gone beyond illness.' ...

"'I am subject to death, have not gone beyond death.' ...

"'I will grow different, separate from all that is dear and appealing to me.' ...

"'I am the owner of my actions,[1] heir to my actions, born of my actions, related through my actions, and have my actions as my arbitrator. Whatever I do, for good or for evil, to that will I fall heir.' ...

"These are the five facts that one should reflect on often, whether one is a woman or a man, lay or ordained.
These reflections are not meant to induce worry or fear but just the opposites of non attachment and acceptance of the way things are. Look at these reflections almost as taking a vaccine. It may be painful at first to think about but ultimately in the end it will free you from unnecessary suffering when these events inevitably happen.

:namaste:
:anjali: :anjali: :anjali:

I would add that you could use whatever left of your time with your mother to accumulate virtue by being kind to her, and to try to make her as comfortable as possible.
And the Blessed One addressed the bhikkhus, saying: "Behold now, bhikkhus, I exhort you: All compounded things are subject to vanish. Strive with earnestness!"

This was the last word of the Tathagata.
Bundokji
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Re: Is this a real Buddha quote? How to deal with loneliness?

Post by Bundokji »

No_Mind wrote: Wed May 23, 2018 2:46 pm Hi .. I am sort of in the same boat .. single and my mom is my best friend and she is getting closer and closer to that day .. I am not a loner but find the hoi polloi to be unbearably stupid.

However I am slightly luckier than you in having two sisters, two brothers-in-law, two nieces and their husbands and sum total of three friends.

My advice is just live in the moment .. enjoy every moment with her .. no one else will give you unconditional love ..

Keep a few candid photos .. both of you doing what you like .. say watching news together .. sitting in living room together ..

At end of the day, change is the only constant and both of us will be alone .. but then be optimistic .. maybe not .. Que Sera Sera whatever will be will be

:namaste:
Same here. I am trying to take my mother on day trips every now and then and take photos. I hope i will be able to take her to Turkey for few days next July or August.
"I tell you, monks, there are two people who are not easy to repay. Which two? Your mother & father. Even if you were to carry your mother on one shoulder & your father on the other shoulder for 100 years, and were to look after them by anointing, massaging, bathing, & rubbing their limbs, and they were to defecate & urinate right there [on your shoulders], you would not in that way pay or repay your parents. If you were to establish your mother & father in absolute sovereignty over this great earth, abounding in the seven treasures, you would not in that way pay or repay your parents. Why is that? Mother & father do much for their children. They care for them, they nourish them, they introduce them to this world. But anyone who rouses his unbelieving mother & father, settles & establishes them in conviction; rouses his unvirtuous mother & father, settles & establishes them in virtue; rouses his stingy mother & father, settles & establishes them in generosity; rouses his foolish mother & father, settles & establishes them in discernment: To this extent one pays & repays one's mother & father."
https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitak ... .than.html
And the Blessed One addressed the bhikkhus, saying: "Behold now, bhikkhus, I exhort you: All compounded things are subject to vanish. Strive with earnestness!"

This was the last word of the Tathagata.
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No_Mind
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Re: Is this a real Buddha quote? How to deal with loneliness?

Post by No_Mind »

Bundokji wrote: Wed May 23, 2018 3:07 pm Same here. I am trying to take my mother on day trips every now and then and take photos. I hope i will be able to take her to Turkey for few days next July or August.
I took my mother on a wonderful day trip last Dec 27th .. perfect day, perfect trip, perfect fun .. and I lost all the photos!!

For a person with OCD it is nearly impossible to lose anything .. but somehow I had factory reset the phone the pics were in before transferring them to photo collection partition of hard drive.

Well .. impermanence .. and after all memories are the best souvenirs :(

:namaste:
"The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.”― Albert Camus
justindesilva
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Re: Is this a real Buddha quote? How to deal with loneliness?

Post by justindesilva »

Let us realise that in samsara we travel alone. This bhava or the existence we are experiecing today will go on interpreted as self. But with death we part from this life to begin another span of life all alone in one of the 31 planes. In each existance ( bhava) we experience new associates and forget our past existences.
Gandhi once had said that death is a blessing to forget the past.
In samsara each bhava is like travelling in a bus as we part from the rest of passengers and get then get in to the next bus( bhava).
Strive4Karuna
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Re: Is this a real Buddha quote? How to deal with loneliness?

Post by Strive4Karuna »

I would like to thank everybody for all your wonderful replies. Every single reply was helpful and my heart felt a little more at ease after reading each one. I hope this board will forever be around to be of help to all of us in our time of need. Thank you!!
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