Can a lay person learn, practice and become peaceful and happy?

[JC938]

Hi,

Can a lay person learn buddhism, practice and become peaceful and happy? Without becoming a monk?

Thanks.

[befriend]

I am happy because I have a few close friends, and because volunteering gives me Kusala feelings and mindfulness makes me happy. I am not married and have no kids so not sure how that would impact my citta like most other lay people probably have wife and kids.

[TamHanhHi]

My understanding is that the Dhamma is for everyone, lay or ordained. For instance, consider in AN 8.54 when Dighajanu the Koliyan went to the Buddha asking for instruction as a lay person. The Buddha said:

“There are these four qualities that lead to a lay person’s happiness and well-being in this life. Which four? Being consummate in initiative, being consummate in vigilance, admirable friendship, and maintaining one’s livelihood in tune."

Check out the full sutta for the details, but basically, yes, it's possible to live a happy and fulfilling life as a householder, both now and in the future.

For more discussion on lay/householder life and Buddhism you might check out Bhikku Bodhi's book In The Buddha's Words (an online version of sorts is here or the thread on Suttas for the Householder.

[binocular]

Can a lay person learn buddhism, practice and become peaceful and happy?

Married man -- yes.
Married woman -- not so much.

[mikenz66]

I know a lot of happy lay Buddhists, the majority married Thai women.


Mike

[ryanM]

Can a lay person learn buddhism, practice and become peaceful and happy?

Married man -- yes.
Married woman -- not so much.

I don't understand this. Could you please elaborate?

[paul]

AN 8:54:
"“There are these four qualities that lead to a lay person’s happiness and well-being in lives to come. Which four? Being consummate in conviction, being consummate in virtue, being consummate in generosity, being consummate in discernment (of impermanence)."

[binocular]

I don't understand this. Could you please elaborate?

If I were to marry a Buddhist, I would live in constant fear of unwanted pregnancy, in constant fear of the side effects of hormonal contraceptives, in constant fear of having to have an abortion, in constant fear that he will abandon me and go off to a monastery, or to another woman, or man, I would be constantly trying to convince myself that my husband is a good and decent person, and that I should be happy even if he spits at me, and consider him superior in the Dhamma and having a higher attainment than myself.

Well, no Buddhist ever wants to teach me how to be happy with that.

[Saengnapha]

Can a lay person learn buddhism, practice and become peaceful and happy?

Married man -- yes.
Married woman -- not so much.

My dear, don't be so sure that a married man can become peaceful and happy by being a Buddhist. I know many, and I've yet to meet any that are really happy and peaceful. Yet, I know so many women who are not Buddhists that are peaceful and happy, my wife being one of them.

[binocular]

Yet, I know so many women who are not Buddhists that are peaceful and happy,

I don't know any such women.
But I do many women who are very good at keeping up appearances.

[Saengnapha]

Yet, I know so many women who are not Buddhists that are peaceful and happy,

I don't know any such women.
But I do many women who are very good at keeping up appearances.

That's unfortunate. Maybe I was being too optimistic when I said 'many'.

[thepea]

I don't understand this. Could you please elaborate?

If I were to marry a Buddhist, I would live in constant fear of unwanted pregnancy, in constant fear of the side effects of hormonal contraceptives, in constant fear of having to have an abortion, in constant fear that he will abandon me and go off to a monastery, or to another woman, or man, I would be constantly trying to convince myself that my husband is a good and decent person, and that I should be happy even if he spits at me, and consider him superior in the Dhamma and having a higher attainment than myself.

Well, no Buddhist ever wants to teach me how to be happy with that.

I still don’t understand this, what country are you from?

[bodom]

I know a lot of happy lay Buddhists, the majority married Thai women.


Mike

Yes I agree with this 100 percent. There are a couple Wats in my city and all the Thai women there seem to be some of the most genuinely happy and joyful people I've ever met.

[DNS]

If I were to marry a Buddhist, I would live in constant fear of unwanted pregnancy, in constant fear of the side effects of hormonal contraceptives, in constant fear of having to have an abortion, in constant fear that he will abandon me and go off to a monastery, or to another woman, or man, I would be constantly trying to convince myself that my husband is a good and decent person, and that I should be happy even if he spits at me, and consider him superior in the Dhamma and having a higher attainment than myself.

There are many Buddhist men who are pro-choice. A husband could use male contraceptives, so that there wouldn't be the side effects of hormones to the wife. In regard to leaving a wife for monastery, another woman, another man, couldn't that happen with a man from any other religion too? Why would you have to be a doormat to a husband? Sure, there are some tyrant husbands, but not all of them. Typically, one can find out all you need to know about his personality once you start dating and especially once you start living together and it doesn't take long from the start of that (and therefore, can cut it off quick if necessary).

[xofz]

Arhatship is off limits for one who performs the sexual act. Stream winning is a noble goal for the average lay follower, however. Practice mindfulness of respiration while keeping the body absolutely still and in solitude and it is possible. Happiness is to be abandoned as with sorrow. Peace will happen on its own with the fruit of stream entry.