My parents are deathly afraid

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Ryan95227
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My parents are deathly afraid

Post by Ryan95227 » Sat Feb 28, 2015 3:49 am

So I've been focusing a lot on meditation and theravada in general. They see me how I meditate 1 hour a day and how I'm reading lot of books on noble eightfold path. They are afraid I may join a monastery and leave the society for good. In general, they are scared that I won't fulfill my responsibility as an individual in society. My father basically yelled at me "so you're thinking you can just fail classes?" This situation worries me because I too am afraid "what if I actually do that?" Right now, there is just no way i can leave my family and society. That's like basically avoiding the harsh reality of life. Avoiding the conflicts and everything. I'm thinking of living life as a layperson who practices his precepts, meditation, and mindfulness. I really want to be free of conditioning and break out of the shell and fly to freedom. Basically, I want to completely conquer my tainted mind.


Do you guys have any suggestions to this whole situation?

SarathW
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Re: My parents are deathly afraid

Post by SarathW » Sat Feb 28, 2015 4:05 am

You have got another 23 hours for study and other things.
:thinking:
“As the lamp consumes oil, the path realises Nibbana”

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DNS
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Re: My parents are deathly afraid

Post by DNS » Sat Feb 28, 2015 4:15 am

Based on what you wrote your father said, maybe you are not doing too well in your classes right now? If so, perhaps work harder at improving your grades and finishing your course of study with good grades (if it is high school) or even completing your degree (if you are a university student). That way, when you finish your studies, you will not only have that knowledge and education but you can show that you are not just trying to run away from society but that even after attaining your diploma or degree, you are still interested in the holy life as a monk and then pursue that (if that is your interest and intent).

Ryan95227
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Re: My parents are deathly afraid

Post by Ryan95227 » Sat Feb 28, 2015 4:16 am

SarathW wrote:You have got another 23 hours for study and other things.
:thinking:
should i tell them I have dropped everything related to buddhism? That's lying. My parents are really discouraging atm; T.T

Ryan95227
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Re: My parents are deathly afraid

Post by Ryan95227 » Sat Feb 28, 2015 4:19 am

David N. Snyder wrote:Based on what you wrote your father said, maybe you are not doing too well in your classes right now? If so, perhaps work harder at improving your grades and finishing your course of study with good grades (if it is high school) or even completing your degree (if you are a university student). That way, when you finish your studies, you will not only have that knowledge and education but you can show that you are not just trying to run away from society but that even after attaining your diploma or degree, you are still interested in the holy life as a monk and then pursue that (if that is your interest and intent).
I'm getting good grades currently. I have this other half telling me "I feel like I'm slowly pursuing pleasures by wanting security through craving of a safe job" and other half telling me "follow what you want" I don't want to be foolish or selfish. Abandoning my parents would be really selfish thing to do. Hmm Idk what to make of it actually. Do you consider layman as a good choice for me?

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Re: My parents are deathly afraid

Post by DNS » Sat Feb 28, 2015 4:23 am

Ryan95227 wrote: I'm getting good grades currently.
Good! Then I'd suggest finishing your studies and keep your options open, like I say then it won't have any appearances of running away from society.

SarathW
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Re: My parents are deathly afraid

Post by SarathW » Sat Feb 28, 2015 5:54 am

Ryan95227 wrote:
David N. Snyder wrote:Based on what you wrote your father said, maybe you are not doing too well in your classes right now? If so, perhaps work harder at improving your grades and finishing your course of study with good grades (if it is high school) or even completing your degree (if you are a university student). That way, when you finish your studies, you will not only have that knowledge and education but you can show that you are not just trying to run away from society but that even after attaining your diploma or degree, you are still interested in the holy life as a monk and then pursue that (if that is your interest and intent).
I'm getting good grades currently. I have this other half telling me "I feel like I'm slowly pursuing pleasures by wanting security through craving of a safe job" and other half telling me "follow what you want" I don't want to be foolish or selfish. Abandoning my parents would be really selfish thing to do. Hmm Idk what to make of it actually. Do you consider layman as a good choice for me?
I think I can relate to you.
I had similar ambitions when I was a child.
However due to some reason (family etc) I end up being very successful with my studies and my job.
I did not have a support system to study Buddhism.
You are extremely lucky that you found Dhamma Wheel.
I am not sure how old you are.
Just finish your studies, get a job and practice Dhamma.
Every thing will place in to it's place naturally.
Becoming monk is not an easy path.
Please read the article "Broken Buddha"
There is good documentary film about Ven. Dhammanado

:)
“As the lamp consumes oil, the path realises Nibbana”

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Mkoll
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Re: My parents are deathly afraid

Post by Mkoll » Sat Feb 28, 2015 7:03 am

If your intention is to remain in lay life, maybe you should reassure your parents that this is the case. Try to assuage your parents' worries. Be kind to them.

If you don't mind saying, how old are you?
Namo tassa bhagavato arahato samma sambuddhassa
Namo tassa bhagavato arahato samma sambuddhassa
Namo tassa bhagavato arahato samma sambuddhassa

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Ben
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Re: My parents are deathly afraid

Post by Ben » Sat Feb 28, 2015 7:38 am

Concentrate on completing your studies, Ryan.
As others have alluded to - a qualification is a good parachute.
While you continue to study - be sure to get established in the application of the Dhamma in your daily life. It is in the drip by drip application of effort day-by-day that progress on the path is made. Sīla, sāmadhi, pãnna, dāna, and Pariyatti.
Later on, if the conditions are right, your life as a monk will have a very firm foundation.
With metta,
Ben
“No lists of things to be done. The day providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.”
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road

Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.
- Sutta Nipata 3.725

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Anagarika
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Re: My parents are deathly afraid

Post by Anagarika » Sat Feb 28, 2015 2:02 pm

The good news, Ryan, is that all of your goals seem to be achievable. Your parents may be worried as they do not understand meditation and Buddhist Dhamma, and may have no idea why your are on this valuable Path. Lack of understanding leads to fear, and fear leads to anger. There is no reason that you cannot complete your academics, seek and fulfill a vocation, meditate and maintain your lay precepts. As was previously mentioned, at some point you can consider ordination, and that itself is a lengthy path just as your academics are, what with being accepted for the training for a year, a year or so as a samanera, and then acceptance as a monk. In the Thai tradition, one of the most noble acts of gratitude to parents is to ordain as a samanera and/or monk. So, perhaps in time, like so many monks and nuns, the resistant and upset parents will come to understand the value of your Buddhist path. Time is on your side. Take the time to finish your academics as well as you can, practice each day, maintain precepts, and see what life brings you in a year or two.

Ryan95227
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Re: My parents are deathly afraid

Post by Ryan95227 » Sat Feb 28, 2015 4:59 pm

Mkoll wrote:If your intention is to remain in lay life, maybe you should reassure your parents that this is the case. Try to assuage your parents' worries. Be kind to them.

If you don't mind saying, how old are you?
Im 20

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Mkoll
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Re: My parents are deathly afraid

Post by Mkoll » Sat Feb 28, 2015 7:11 pm

Ryan95227 wrote:
Mkoll wrote:If your intention is to remain in lay life, maybe you should reassure your parents that this is the case. Try to assuage your parents' worries. Be kind to them.

If you don't mind saying, how old are you?
Im 20
Thanks.

~~~

I hope you don't mind my asking a few more questions in order to get a clearer picture of what's going on.

How did you parents get to the point that "They are afraid I may join a monastery and leave the society for good"? Have you talked to them about ordination and your plans for it? Or have they come to this point of being "deathly afraid" only from seeing you meditate and read Buddhist books? I have trouble imagining the latter as it seems like a very disproportionate reaction.

Also, are your parents religious?

More details about the present situation and your history, even ones that you may be reluctant to share but could be relevant to the situation, will help us understand and maybe give better suggestions.
Namo tassa bhagavato arahato samma sambuddhassa
Namo tassa bhagavato arahato samma sambuddhassa
Namo tassa bhagavato arahato samma sambuddhassa

SarathW
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Re: My parents are deathly afraid

Post by SarathW » Sat Feb 28, 2015 9:08 pm

The comment from Ven. Dhammanando may be relevant:


Actually Māra doesn't especially want to do evil nor for his subjects to do evil. In this respect he's not like the Christian devil who can only tempt one to evil. Māra is perfectly content for people to do kusala kammas, provide that it is sub-jhānic and sub-ariyan kusala — kusala that will ripen as Kāmāvacara-bound pleasure. Not only is he content with this, he will even try to tempt people towards it, for example by telling a young would-be monk that it will be better for him to devote his younger years to indulgence in sense-pleasures and the accumulation of merit and postpone going forth until old age (when he will be much less likely to make progress in the brahmacariyā).

http://dhammawheel.com/viewtopic.php?f= ... 18#p329843" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
“As the lamp consumes oil, the path realises Nibbana”

Ryan95227
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Joined: Fri Jan 30, 2015 3:29 am

Re: My parents are deathly afraid

Post by Ryan95227 » Sat Feb 28, 2015 11:50 pm

Mkoll wrote:
Ryan95227 wrote:
Mkoll wrote:If your intention is to remain in lay life, maybe you should reassure your parents that this is the case. Try to assuage your parents' worries. Be kind to them.

If you don't mind saying, how old are you?
Im 20
Thanks.

~~~

I hope you don't mind my asking a few more questions in order to get a clearer picture of what's going on.

How did you parents get to the point that "They are afraid I may join a monastery and leave the society for good"? Have you talked to them about ordination and your plans for it? Or have they come to this point of being "deathly afraid" only from seeing you meditate and read Buddhist books? I have trouble imagining the latter as it seems like a very disproportionate reaction.

Also, are your parents religious?

More details about the present situation and your history, even ones that you may be reluctant to share but could be relevant to the situation, will help us understand and maybe give better suggestions.
My dad is anti religious. He strictly follows what krishnamurti says. Choiceless awareness, intensification of awareness, anti religion, sudden enlightement, and rejection of any teachings because the teachings will just be fabricated by ego. he has been teaching me this ever since i was 8. he also taught ny mom. about 3 years ago i broke out of this and began to practice openess. i mmeditated 20 mins a day at first and then i was introduced to buddha's teachings. now recently ive been practicing mindfulness, right view, right speech, and etc. it has greatly changed my stance and internal affairs. i also experienced intense energy during one meditation session. now im fully in this path. my dad is totally disgusted by it all upon seeing this

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Bundokji
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Re: My parents are deathly afraid

Post by Bundokji » Sun Mar 01, 2015 3:33 am

Ryan95227 wrote:My dad is anti religious. He strictly follows what krishnamurti says. Choiceless awareness, intensification of awareness, anti religion, sudden enlightement, and rejection of any teachings because the teachings will just be fabricated by ego. he has been teaching me this ever since i was 8. he also taught ny mom. about 3 years ago i broke out of this and began to practice openess. i mmeditated 20 mins a day at first and then i was introduced to buddha's teachings. now recently ive been practicing mindfulness, right view, right speech, and etc. it has greatly changed my stance and internal affairs. i also experienced intense energy during one meditation session. now im fully in this path. my dad is totally disgusted by it all upon seeing this
What you are experiencing now can help you in your path. Try to be open to your father's point of view, evaluate it, and then decide for yourself. Don't forget that Krishnamurti's teachings has become a part of your father's conditioning, so you might disagree with his point of view, but I think his intentions towards you are not bad. Seeing this might reduce the tension a little bit.

I would also suggest that you don't have to be confrontational regarding your beliefs and practices. When you want to meditate, do it in your room, and I guess your parents will allow you some privacy.

Good luck :smile:
And the Blessed One addressed the bhikkhus, saying: "Behold now, bhikkhus, I exhort you: All compounded things are subject to vanish. Strive with earnestness!"

This was the last word of the Tathagata.

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