Just to let you all know

Casual discussion amongst spiritual friends.
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appicchato
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Re: Just to let you all know

Post by appicchato » Tue Jan 18, 2011 12:41 am

tiltbillings wrote:You might want to face up to the fact that you very likely need some professional help.
Some may think the same about you, but don't feel the need to state it...your 'fact' is your opinion, and most definitely open to interpretation...live and let live...

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Vepacitta
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Re: Just to let you all know

Post by Vepacitta » Tue Jan 18, 2011 1:25 am

Venerable A - Huzzah to your post!

Individual - if you want to post here sometimes, don't get frigged up about it. Don't stress over whether to post or not in an I-Net forum -- it's not that big of a deal.

It sounds like you're going through a bad patch - which we all of us go through sometimes -- especially when we're young. Many get through the valley of the dragons -- and you will too.

I think the emotional stress of caring for your mother may be getting to you -- which is understandable.

Do you need prof help? I dunno - maybe - but it sounds very much to me as if you need a good friend.

Good friends are the crux of the holy life, you know.

Be well -- and may the road rise to meet you and may the wind be at your back.

All the best from Mt. Meru,

Vepacitta Asura
I'm your friendly, neighbourhood Asura

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Viscid
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Re: Just to let you all know

Post by Viscid » Tue Jan 18, 2011 1:32 am

Indie if you're going to post, I think you should use this forum more as an outlet to vent what's troubling you in real life rather than expressing your views on abstract Dhamma. In your position, the former's pragmatic, the latter fantastic. I personally don't you want to stop posting because I like to hear how you're doing, but I don't want the forum to be enabling obsessive behaviour.
"What holds attention determines action." - William James

Individual
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Re: Just to let you all know

Post by Individual » Tue Jan 18, 2011 1:35 am

I don't like to lay my problems on the table like this. I've written multi-paragraph posts before that I've deleted because I figured you all have your own problems and stimulating others' pity is stupid.

But to put it into a full context:

If you ever have to pick up your mom's poop off the kitchen floor, have to get over your personal taboos about getting her dressed & undressed because you might see her naked, have to deal with her constant groaning in pain, asking for a pillow to be given then taken, moved again and again... When you can't sleep at night because sleeping heavily means you're at risk of a thief or a rapist and sleeping lightly results in being woken up by your mom's stomping and clamoring... When you have to deal with your mom trying to hunt imaginary rats... When you want to die but don't think it's possible... And have a father who can only give money, but no emotional support... With no real friends or family you can rely on... When the only girl you feel you could ever love seems to do nothing but lead you on and then reject you, while jumping from one abusive boyfriend she doesn't love to another abusive boyfriend (not making assumptions about her feelings because she's told you herself she doesn't love these guys, just "experimenting")...

...then you too might turn to marijuana and alcohol and pornography as a source of relief and have psychotic episodes and you too might be skeptical when people tell you it will all feel so much better if you just breathe mindfully for 15 minutes a day and accept the Tipitaka as fact.
The best things in life aren't things.

The Diamond Sutra

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Viscid
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Re: Just to let you all know

Post by Viscid » Tue Jan 18, 2011 1:42 am

Individual, you have my greatest sympathies. I couldn't ever imagine myself being in your position. You're a good person and I am sorry your life sucks.

Don't stop posting. If anything, this forum is supportive. However little that is, it's something.
"What holds attention determines action." - William James

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Vepacitta
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Re: Just to let you all know

Post by Vepacitta » Tue Jan 18, 2011 1:45 am

OK Indie - that's a really bad situation you're in - and I think you do need prof help - but more along the lines of social services help as to your Mum's condition - it sounds like she needs intensive care - something beyond the average householder - unless you have a big, extended supportive family - which you do not.

There are services for those without much money and insurance - I know because a good friend of mine had to have her mother put in a home when she became senile -- her Mum was without funds and on medicaid. It was hell for her trying to get 'into the system', but she eventually accomplished it - and regained her sanity.

You might even try the local Catholic church - they have programs for indigent catholics and/or may be able to point you in the right direction social-services-wise.

You need help with your Mum - and she needs professional care. I think this is a major part of what's eating at you -- not saying it'll all be sunshine and roses once you get this accomplished - but it will lighten your (considerable) load.

Sure, breathe mindfully and all that - but take concrete steps to extricate yourself from this situation - which can be done (not easy, but possible).

With concern,

V.
I'm your friendly, neighbourhood Asura

Individual
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Re: Just to let you all know

Post by Individual » Tue Jan 18, 2011 1:58 am

Vepacitta wrote:OK Indie - that's a really bad situation you're in - and I think you do need prof help - but more along the lines of social services help as to your Mum's condition - it sounds like she needs intensive care - something beyond the average householder - unless you have a big, extended supportive family - which you do not.
It's complicated. I am no saint and honestly don't treat my mom as well as I could have and if I wasn't so lazy, at the age of 26 I should have a real full-time job already.

I live in Maryland, could have her stay with her family in New York, but she said they didn't treat her that well, she has to visit special doctors at Georgetown University because she has a deep brain stimulator... And me and her family don't seem to get along very well. I've been considering having her take a vacation up there for a few weeks to clear my head.

Physically, there is nothing about the situation I'm in which is insurmountable, but rather I have an emotional problem. I could honestly just keep carrying on and doing the best I can; being supportive of my mom and not arguing seems to be better (because arguing stresses her out, and stress makes her emotional and physical health worse), but it goes against my conditioned nature... as I often deal with anxiety through angry yelling and deal with depression by being lazy.
Vepacitta wrote: There are services for those without much money and insurance - I know because a good friend of mine had to have her mother put in a home when she became senile -- her Mum was without funds and on medicaid. It was hell for her trying to get 'into the system', but she eventually accomplished it - and regained her sanity.
The problem, however, is that I don't know if I can convince my mom to go somewhere like that voluntarily. We talked about it today, but I know her... And it's reasonable. We live in a decent-sized house and she's attached to a lot of her stuff. Places like what you mention are very small, that for her it would feel like being sent to prison. So it's reasonable that she wouldn't want to go -- I wouldn't want to go if I was in her position either.
Vepacitta wrote: You might even try the local Catholic church - they have programs for indigent catholics and/or may be able to point you in the right direction social-services-wise.
I thought about that and will look into that too.
The best things in life aren't things.

The Diamond Sutra

shjohnk
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Re: Just to let you all know

Post by shjohnk » Tue Jan 18, 2011 2:29 am

appicchato wrote:
tiltbillings wrote:You might want to face up to the fact that you very likely need some professional help.
Some may think the same about you, but don't feel the need to state it...your 'fact' is your opinion, and most definitely open to interpretation...live and let live...
SADHU! SADHU! SADHU!


:focus: Individual, you have all our support. Work through this kamma, everything will work out for the best :heart:

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Wizard in the Forest
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Re: Just to let you all know

Post by Wizard in the Forest » Tue Jan 18, 2011 2:52 am

Individual wrote: I live in Maryland, could have her stay with her family in New York, but she said they didn't treat her that well, she has to visit special doctors at Georgetown University because she has a deep brain stimulator... And me and her family don't seem to get along very well. I've been considering having her take a vacation up there for a few weeks to clear my head.

Physically, there is nothing about the situation I'm in which is insurmountable, but rather I have an emotional problem. I could honestly just keep carrying on and doing the best I can; being supportive of my mom and not arguing seems to be better (because arguing stresses her out, and stress makes her emotional and physical health worse), but it goes against my conditioned nature... as I often deal with anxiety through angry yelling and deal with depression by being lazy.

I live in Maryland too, if you ever need emotional support I am here for you too. Although Uni's starting again next week, I will still be around. Let me know if you need help.
"One is not born a woman, but becomes one."- Simone de Beauvoir

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Hanzze
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Re: Just to let you all know

Post by Hanzze » Tue Jan 18, 2011 3:24 am

Dear Individual,

it all seems to be individual, but in fact this individuality is very common in all beings. I dont know where I had learned english words, but for example I will remember my lifetime who taught me to write common in the right way.
Human beings are tend to searching to keep there expectations alive. As I came to a Buddhist country I had a lot of expectations to find a good place. As I came to internet and on dhammawheel I had the expectations that it will be normal that Buddhist know to laugh about them selfs. As soon as a expectations is destroyed we are suffering. How a mother should be, how a father should be, how my environment should be, how I should be...
Expectations have the conection to history or future, and have nothing to do with reality. If we mindful observe our actuall suffering and knowing the causes of suffering we start to tend to laugh about our self. "Again, I did this mistake again. *lol*" Sometimes we are very deep in our delusions and we don't like to leave our seriousness.
Individual in such a case, whit the right amount of mindfulness we can trick our mind, I do it with listening to this powerful mantra:



Or I remember the story of the children and the balloon, as one may cry if it is broken, one may be sorrowful that it will be broken and an other will just laugh and play on. Individuality shows the common problem and one could never say that anything in this world is nothing more than a big possibility to grow. The most sad situations, the biggest "punishments" the strangest appearances are the best friends on our way as they will not implement any conventional knowledge but the constant force stay mindful.
Sitting far away from any medical help with my partner next the forest, while she had often an terrible asthma impact was teaching us both a lot of mindfulness and as it is reached again everything else disappears. Well it may sounds strange, but it is possible to laugh also in the face of death and loosing.
Sometimes we think that we are not useful and leave a place, or we may think we are influencing people in a not good way. That does not happen if our live focus is on compassion, if we misunderstand pity as compassion we certainly learn and laugh about our self.
You don't need to fear anything, you are protected by your own compassion toward to others and as you clearly can see (all those forum members), this compassion is never lost it comes back in the time you need it. You are your own protector, you are the one who can share his potential of mindfulness.

Stay mindful and share it, with all other individuals. Noting heals more than a smile or a laugh, scientist would also agree. You already know the way to find a smile or a laugh out of the heart. The power of the Buddha.

There should be no question, answer or opinion which is not worth to be told. Don't forget, as here, we also learn and grow.

_/\_
with loving kindness
Just that! *smile*
...We Buddhists must find the courage to leave our temples and enter the temples of human experience, temples that are filled with suffering. If we listen to Buddha, Christ, or Gandhi, we can do nothing else. The refugee camps, the prisons, the ghettos, and the battlefields will become our temples. We have so much work to do. ... Peace is Possible! Step by Step. - Samtach Preah Maha Ghosananda "Step by Step" http://www.ghosananda.org/bio_book.html

BUT! it is important to become a real Buddhist first. Like Punna did: Punna Sutta Nate sante baram sokham _()_

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andre9999
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Re: Just to let you all know

Post by andre9999 » Tue Jan 18, 2011 4:36 am

Individual wrote:You might be right, Tiltbillings, but then there would be nobody to take care of my mother and we'd end up with a several thousand dollar hospital bill, all so I could sit in a room full of people who are REALLY crazy for a couple of weeks, in order to clear my head.
No one said an inpatient program. A student therapist for $20 a week and a psychiatrist (more than $20 unfortunately) that can prescribe generics ($4 at Target) could compliment your practice well. I speak from experience on those prices. Why you choose to cling to this idea that getting professional help makes you "crazy" is beyond me.

I also have someone with Parkinson's in my family, and another family member taking care of them full time. Assisted living is really a necessity with that sort of situation, and it sounds like you should be looking into it from the little you've said. Aside from that, what you described also sounds like it's time to head to a specialist and get her medications reset. They often have week-long inpatient programs that involve correcting medications and PT/OT that will probably help her a lot.

Best of luck. PM me if you have any questions or want to tell me to go F myself. :)

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tiltbillings
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Re: Just to let you all know

Post by tiltbillings » Tue Jan 18, 2011 5:28 am

andrer9999 wrote:
Individual wrote:You might be right, Tiltbillings, but then there would be nobody to take care of my mother and we'd end up with a several thousand dollar hospital bill, all so I could sit in a room full of people who are REALLY crazy for a couple of weeks, in order to clear my head.
No one said an inpatient program.
If Individual is a college student, there will very likely be rather good mental health and social services available to him.
>> Do you see a man wise [enlightened/ariya] in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.<< -- Proverbs 26:12

This being is bound to samsara, kamma is his means for going beyond. -- SN I, 38.

“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?” HPatDH p.723

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Viscid
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Re: Just to let you all know

Post by Viscid » Tue Jan 18, 2011 5:42 am

tiltbillings wrote:
andrer9999 wrote:
Individual wrote:You might be right, Tiltbillings, but then there would be nobody to take care of my mother and we'd end up with a several thousand dollar hospital bill, all so I could sit in a room full of people who are REALLY crazy for a couple of weeks, in order to clear my head.
No one said an inpatient program.
If Individual is a college student, there will very likely be rather good mental health and social services available to him.
If anyone can get some actual phone numbers and websites it'd be far more useful to him than speculation. In fact, this site should have some resources listed that we can direct people to, as this forum tends to attract those who are in need of support.
"What holds attention determines action." - William James

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tiltbillings
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Re: Just to let you all know

Post by tiltbillings » Tue Jan 18, 2011 5:47 am

Viscid wrote: If anyone can get some actual phone numbers and websites it'd be far more useful to him than speculation.
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http://cms.montgomerycollege.edu/EDU/Pl ... x?id=10263" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

http://sites.google.com/site/mcactiveminds/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

http://sites.google.com/site/mcactiveminds/resources" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
>> Do you see a man wise [enlightened/ariya] in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.<< -- Proverbs 26:12

This being is bound to samsara, kamma is his means for going beyond. -- SN I, 38.

“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?” HPatDH p.723

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Vepacitta
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Re: Just to let you all know

Post by Vepacitta » Tue Jan 18, 2011 7:23 pm

SADHU Tilt!
I'm your friendly, neighbourhood Asura

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