Joke!!!

Casual discussion amongst spiritual friends.
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Kim OHara
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by Kim OHara » Mon Aug 22, 2016 2:05 am

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Kare
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by Kare » Mon Aug 22, 2016 10:07 am

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Mettāya,
Kåre

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robertk
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by robertk » Mon Aug 22, 2016 10:54 pm

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Kahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Kahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there , thanks to my children, friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much onphysical activity anymore.


I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenaline flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

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Dan74
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by Dan74 » Thu Aug 25, 2016 4:15 am

Those jokes are serious competitors for the Dad Joke of the Day Award, Robert! :D

Here's one from wumo which I thought was quite Buddhist:
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_/|\_

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Coëmgenu
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by Coëmgenu » Fri Aug 26, 2016 2:23 am

There is a pun somewhere in the idea of "Expedient Beans", but I lack the skill in punnery to formulate it properly.
世尊在靈山會上拈華示眾眾皆默然唯迦葉破顏微笑世尊云
The Lord dwelt at the Vulture Peak with the assembly and plucked a flower as a teaching. The myriad totality were silent, save for Kāśyapa, whose face cracked in a faint smile. The Lord spoke.
吾有正法眼藏涅槃妙心實相無相微妙法門不立文字教外別傳付囑摩訶迦葉。
I have the treasure of the true dharma eye, I have nirvāṇa as wondrous citta, I know signless dharmatā, the subtle dharma-gate, which is not standing on written word, which is external to scriptures, which is a special dispensation, which is entrusted to Mahākāśyapa.

नस्वातोनापिपरतोनद्वाभ्यांनाप्यहेतुतः

Dinsdale
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by Dinsdale » Fri Aug 26, 2016 7:39 am

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Buddha save me from new-agers!

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robertk
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by robertk » Sat Sep 24, 2016 11:34 am

How many online forum group members does it take to change a lightbulb?


1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

3 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

2 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp".

1 know-it-all that claims *they* were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct.

3 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs.

1 to suggest that posters check the light bulb FAQ.

1 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

1 to flame the OP with "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".

And lastly....1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now......... and start it all over again.

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DNS
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by DNS » Sat Sep 24, 2016 9:58 pm

robertk wrote:How many online forum group members does it take to change a lightbulb?
Those are good. Here are some potential inclusions to that:

Another posts a link to a site describing how to change a light bulb.
Another posts a "better" link to the wikipedia page.
Another notes that the wikipedia page just got re-edited, so posts a better url.
Another asks why is this even being discussed on this forum.
Another posts that this is a terrible topic and should be banned (but of course he/she continues to post in said topic).

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cooran
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by cooran » Sat Oct 01, 2016 4:05 am

Why did the chewing gum cross the road?

It was stuck to the chickens foot.
---The trouble is that you think you have time---
---Worry is the Interest, paid in advance, on a debt you may never owe---
---It's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it's what you do with it ---

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JeffR
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by JeffR » Thu Oct 13, 2016 6:48 pm

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Therein what are 'six (types of) disrespect'? One dwells without respect, without deference for the Teacher; one dwells without respect, without deference for the Teaching; one dwells without respect, without deference for the Order; one dwells without respect, without deference for the precepts; one dwells without respect, without deference for heedfulness; one dwells without respect, without deference for hospitality. These are six (types of) disrespect.
:Vibh 945

ToVincent
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by ToVincent » Thu Oct 27, 2016 4:38 pm

Dave Barry, proud member of the sophisticated and World Famous Lawn Rangers Drill Team.
Some working for the Mara's world; some for the Brahma's world; some for the Unborn.
.
In this world with its ..., māras, ... in this population with its ascetics.... (AN 5.30).
------
We are all possessed - more or less.
------
And what, bhikkhu, is inward rottenness? Here someone is immoral, one of evil character, of impure and suspect behaviour, secretive in his acts, no ascetic though claiming to be one, not a celibate though claiming to be one, inwardly rotten, corrupt, depraved. This is called inward rottenness.”
SN 35.241
------
https://justpaste.it/j5o4

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DNS
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by DNS » Thu Oct 27, 2016 9:27 pm

no self.png
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A computer programmer was hacking around the internet and accidentally discovered no-self (anatta).

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robertk
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by robertk » Wed Nov 30, 2016 6:52 am

Young people have theirs, now we Seniors have our own texting codes:

* ATD- At the Doctor's

* BFF - Best Friends Funeral

* BTW- Bring the Wheelchair

* BYOT - Bring Your Own Teeth

* CBM- Covered by Medicare

* CUATSC- See You at the Senior Center

* DWI- Driving While Incontinent

* FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

* GGPBL- Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

* GHA - Got Heartburn Again

* HGBM - Had Good Bowel Movement

* LMDO- Laughing My Dentures Out

* LOL- Living on Lipitor

* OMSG - Oh My! Sorry, Gas

* TOT- Texting on Toilet

* WAITT - Who Am I Talking To?

Hope these help.
GGLKI (Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking in!

dhammarelax
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by dhammarelax » Wed Nov 30, 2016 9:17 am

:goodpost:
Even if the flesh & blood in my body dry up, leaving just the skin, tendons, & bones, I will use all my human firmness, human persistence and human striving. There will be no relaxing my persistence until I am the first of my generation to attain full awakening in this lifetime. ed. AN 2.5

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Kim OHara
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by Kim OHara » Tue Dec 06, 2016 11:22 am

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It's good to know he remembers his previous lives so well. :tongue:

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