Personal Issue: Help Sought

Casual discussion amongst spiritual friends.
User avatar
Posts: 3012
Joined: Sun Mar 01, 2009 11:12 pm

Re: Personal Issue: Help Sought

Post by Dan74 » Thu Jan 28, 2010 5:30 am

Almaril wrote:Greets everyone!
I don't really see what is the problem - the basis of this avoidance - of meeting people who are doing drugs. I am quite new to practical buddhism and just starting to take my spiritual journey into my hands, but this made me wonder.
Specially I am thinking about thc (pot) or psychedelics, such as LSD or mushrooms. Why on one hand I understand that one tries to live a pure life - like the opener of this topic - and get away from addictive and harmful influences I feel that we, human beings are somewhat responsible for each other. And whilethere is the chance of "getting burned" while hanging out in social drinking nights, but making friends and sharing the Dharma with a bit more tolerance towards people can be something really valuable for both peers. Also, my really strong impression through meeting a decent amount of people who are engaged with psychoactive substances - still, mostly thinking about THC, LSD and shrooms - that they are really open to spirituality and does seek connection with the Dharma through these extraordinary experiences.

Am I being too Mahayana? :D
I guess that whatever school of Buddhism one feels closer to, for as long as one is prone to unwholesome behaviours, it's useful to have friends who are going to support one and lead by good example, than the opposite. Sure, once you are established in moral conduct (and some wisdom), it's a different story and the wonderful diversity of the human condition will appear in a very different light.

Until then, I think "the bad stuff" will rub off!

(I know it does on me, though the responsibility is entirely mine)


User avatar
Posts: 18442
Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2008 12:49 am
Location: kanamaluka

Re: Personal Issue: Help Sought

Post by Ben » Thu Jan 28, 2010 5:56 am

theravada_guy wrote:I would greatly appreciate anyone contacting me on Yahoo Messenger to talk, just as long as it's not out of pity, but out of genuine interest in being friends.
I won't be contacting you via Yahoo Messenger. My online time is dominated by DW and I rarely post on facebook. However, I welcome the opportunity to get to know you here at Dhamma Wheel.
If I were in your situation I would devote myself to the Dhamma and take advantage of the great opportunity of being single to invest as much free time as possible into study and meditation and keeping the precepts pure, particularly the third precept by becoming celibate. There's plenty of time for relationships and a family, if that is what you want, further down the track in your life. But when they come, opportunities to practice intensively will be more difficult to acquire.
kind regards

“No lists of things to be done. The day providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.”
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road

Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.
- Sutta Nipata 3.725

Compassionate Hands Foundation (Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • Buddhist Global ReliefUNHCR


User avatar
Posts: 81
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2010 7:34 pm

Re: Personal Issue: Help Sought

Post by Butrfly_Nirvana » Fri Jan 29, 2010 5:32 pm

Maybe a bit off topic as to the answer you are looking for, but to me you might not want to overlook the place in which you find this girl. If she is on a dating forum, then that implies her intentions with those she encounters--in other words she is looking for someone to fill that area of her life: dating. If you see her as just a friend, someone to get to know, another username to chat with when time allows, then you might ask that she find you on Messenger or whichever you use. But just keep it in mind that you did meet her in a place where she was looking for 'love' or whatever the site is intended to assist people with finding. If you are wanting to meet a woman one day that has similar interests as you do, then my suggestion would be to do the things that are in alignment with your way of thinking and living, and odds are you may find a girl there. At least that way you have a general idea on what she likes to do, etc. seeing as how you two are in the same place. For example, I don't drink or smoke so I wouldn't go to a bar to socialize and find men. But let's say I was interested in working out/fitness etc and so much of my time would be spent in a gym---should I encounter a man there, we would already have something in common. Does that make sense? I feel like sometimes things are lost in translation when I type! lol

Anyways, as to whether or not you should associate with someone who declares they are a "pot head", I don't think we should shun them or anything like that. But by your words and actions (ie: talking with her about your recreational activities) you show another way of living. Perhaps over time if you were to in fact remain online friends, she may be shown alternate ways to pass her time. But then again, it IS online only as you mentioned not wanting to meet in person, so....with that in mind---you probably won't have much influence on her thoughts anyways. She can go from chatting online with you for a bit, to turning off the computer and partying with her friends.

Bottom line in regards to that girl in particular: what are you gaining? what does she gain? is it even worth the time you spend thinking about it, chatting with her, etc? And of course, since you wouldn't like someone jumping on Messenger to chat with you out of pity or whatever, she also may not want to be chatting with someone who stays online with her just b/c he thinks he could "help" her. Do what feels right for you, but don't patronize the girl, and don't waste time looking for love in places where the general population doesn't have your similar lifestyle/'ll end up sorting through thousands looking for the one, only to find that it may not be THE one anyways. Stack the odds in your favor and put yourself in places where you would find such a girl you are seeking.

Hope this helps! Relationships can be tough sometimes, but take care of yourself and the rest will follow!


Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Stiphan and 34 guests