Topicless Friendly Banter

Casual discussion amongst spiritual friends.
User avatar
Wizard in the Forest
Posts: 600
Joined: Wed Nov 24, 2010 8:16 am
Location: House in Forest of Illusions

Re: Topicless Friendly Banter

Post by Wizard in the Forest » Tue May 22, 2018 7:08 pm

My intention is to cultivate friendship without need to refer to pariyatti or patipatti.

Being friends requires getting to know one another and I think it helps build connections between people to just talk about things without needing a topic.

Things will come up and go as needed, I think that is a way to cultivate a more friendly community.

I am sorry if I gave off another impression.

I want to have friends who are also Dhamma farers. You have friends who don't go from desana to desana don't you? It is the same concept.
"One is not born a woman, but becomes one."- Simone de Beauvoir

Karma Dondrup Tashi
Posts: 68
Joined: Tue Jan 06, 2009 7:41 pm

Re: Topicless Friendly Banter

Post by Karma Dondrup Tashi » Tue May 22, 2018 7:13 pm

binocular wrote:
Tue May 22, 2018 6:53 pm
If your intention is admirable friendship, kalyanamittata, then "good humored chatting rather than being serious or dedicated to learning" doesn't seem like part of it.
Dang Buddhists ain't got no soul.

:tongue:

User avatar
Wizard in the Forest
Posts: 600
Joined: Wed Nov 24, 2010 8:16 am
Location: House in Forest of Illusions

Re: Topicless Friendly Banter

Post by Wizard in the Forest » Tue May 22, 2018 7:30 pm

I am a Buddhist, and I think a kalyanamitta needs to actually get to know people on a conventional level and then helps on an ultimate level. I don't see eye to eye with binocular here.

It's ok to disagree though.
"One is not born a woman, but becomes one."- Simone de Beauvoir

User avatar
binocular
Posts: 5405
Joined: Sat Jan 17, 2009 11:13 pm

Re: Topicless Friendly Banter

Post by binocular » Tue May 22, 2018 7:35 pm

Wizard in the Forest wrote:
Tue May 22, 2018 7:08 pm
You have friends who don't go from desana to desana don't you?
I don't call those people "friends".

User avatar
Wizard in the Forest
Posts: 600
Joined: Wed Nov 24, 2010 8:16 am
Location: House in Forest of Illusions

Re: Topicless Friendly Banter

Post by Wizard in the Forest » Tue May 22, 2018 7:41 pm

What do you call them?

I differ largely on this topic because I don't have the fortune of having Buddhist companions as mentioned in OP and I mentioned later that I learned on my own.

I am open to having friends outside of the desana, and I call them friends because we are companions and are close and do all of the things that friends do in the Sigalovada Sutta.It is what the Buddha called a warm hearted friend. I want a companion like this to also share my experience as a Dhamma farer.
"One is not born a woman, but becomes one."- Simone de Beauvoir

User avatar
binocular
Posts: 5405
Joined: Sat Jan 17, 2009 11:13 pm

Re: Topicless Friendly Banter

Post by binocular » Tue May 22, 2018 7:48 pm

Online friends only get as warm as your computer screen.
:tongue:

User avatar
Wizard in the Forest
Posts: 600
Joined: Wed Nov 24, 2010 8:16 am
Location: House in Forest of Illusions

Re: Topicless Friendly Banter

Post by Wizard in the Forest » Tue May 22, 2018 7:53 pm

My boyfriend of 6 years who has spent months in my company was met online. My only brother who was stranded in Chile because of immigration shenanigans only had a connection with me by communicating online, and I love him dearly all the same. I think you just use it differently. I never take communication for granted, because I have not been as lucky to be dismissive in this way.
"One is not born a woman, but becomes one."- Simone de Beauvoir

Garrib
Posts: 450
Joined: Mon May 30, 2016 8:35 pm

Re: Topicless Friendly Banter

Post by Garrib » Tue May 22, 2018 7:56 pm

Wizard in the Forest wrote:
Tue May 22, 2018 7:30 pm
I am a Buddhist, and I think a kalyanamitta needs to actually get to know people on a conventional level and then helps on an ultimate level. I don't see eye to eye with binocular here.

It's ok to disagree though.
I think I agree with the spirit of this thread. I wish I could find more Buddhist friends with whom I could relate on a more basic human level, not always trying to force everything to fit within some kind of rigid doctrinal matrix. I don't mean that I dismiss the Buddha's teachings, not at all, not on any level. These are serious issues we are grappling with - and life is short. But somehow I wish we could make more room in our discourse (online or in person) for basic human warmth, kindness, and understanding. I mean, isn't that what we all want? (BTW, I must be clairvoyant because I anticipate someone being offended at my presumption to know what they want - forgive me, I do recognize that people have different wants and needs, and I in no way wish to enforce mine upon you).

At the very least, it is nice to be reminded that I am interacting with 100% real authentic people, people who matter, potential friends! not zombies or anything like that.

User avatar
Wizard in the Forest
Posts: 600
Joined: Wed Nov 24, 2010 8:16 am
Location: House in Forest of Illusions

Re: Topicless Friendly Banter

Post by Wizard in the Forest » Tue May 22, 2018 8:02 pm

I'm sure the Buddha would not oppose friendship in this way either to be entirely honest. It's not like I'm encouraging akusala behavior by asking that we get to know one another as people and befriend them. I find this notion that friendship is made less real by being online to be really antiquated. My boss also met his wife of ten years online.
"One is not born a woman, but becomes one."- Simone de Beauvoir

Meezer77
Posts: 197
Joined: Wed May 24, 2017 5:43 pm
Location: Scotland

Re: Topicless Friendly Banter

Post by Meezer77 » Tue May 22, 2018 8:22 pm

binocular wrote:
Tue May 22, 2018 6:17 pm
There's no such thing as "friendly banter". "Friendly banter" is a contradiction in terms.
Why is that? Heard the expression used many times and it makes total sense to me.

User avatar
Wizard in the Forest
Posts: 600
Joined: Wed Nov 24, 2010 8:16 am
Location: House in Forest of Illusions

Re: Topicless Friendly Banter

Post by Wizard in the Forest » Tue May 22, 2018 8:28 pm

I had no idea anything was wrong with it. I looked on the dictionary to see if there was something I missed and apparently it has a definition of teasing, which makes her right, but it doesn't have this intended at all.
"One is not born a woman, but becomes one."- Simone de Beauvoir

Meezer77
Posts: 197
Joined: Wed May 24, 2017 5:43 pm
Location: Scotland

Re: Topicless Friendly Banter

Post by Meezer77 » Tue May 22, 2018 8:37 pm

It can be good natured teasing but it’s a broad term which could also include it being general chit chat which is playful and funny. Bit pedantic to object to it.

User avatar
binocular
Posts: 5405
Joined: Sat Jan 17, 2009 11:13 pm

Re: Topicless Friendly Banter

Post by binocular » Tue May 22, 2018 8:42 pm

Flyweights.

Meezer77
Posts: 197
Joined: Wed May 24, 2017 5:43 pm
Location: Scotland

Re: Topicless Friendly Banter

Post by Meezer77 » Tue May 22, 2018 8:50 pm

binocular wrote:
Tue May 22, 2018 8:42 pm
Flyweights.
Eh?

Karma Dondrup Tashi
Posts: 68
Joined: Tue Jan 06, 2009 7:41 pm

Re: Topicless Friendly Banter

Post by Karma Dondrup Tashi » Tue May 22, 2018 8:51 pm

binocular wrote:
Tue May 22, 2018 8:42 pm
Flyweights.
Well an anvil can't fly either, friend.

Locked

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Majestic-12 [Bot] and 45 guests