Topicless Friendly Banter

Casual discussion amongst spiritual friends.
User avatar
Wizard in the Forest
Posts: 633
Joined: Wed Nov 24, 2010 8:16 am
Location: House in Forest of Illusions

Topicless Friendly Banter

Post by Wizard in the Forest » Tue May 22, 2018 4:00 pm

I had discussed with a friend of mine and I realized something when I talked to him. I had been experiencing a serious void in my life and that void is that I want more Dhamma friends. While I have been on this forum for a long time, I feel like I have not had the fortune of getting to know anyone here as a genuine friend and I actually really want that and I went back and forth wondering why, and I finally figured out why.

The conversations here need to be freer. The conversations here are restricted by topic, and I figure the best way to make friends is to just not have a topic and let people talk about what they want to get know what people like talking about nowadays. So I welcome people here to talk about whatever they want, and let's actually try and be friendly and awesome to each other. I hope to make my goal of just making great friends here who are finally into my favorite topic, the Dhamma.
"One is not born a woman, but becomes one."- Simone de Beauvoir

User avatar
No_Mind
Posts: 1911
Joined: Fri May 23, 2014 4:12 pm
Location: India

Re: Topicless Friendly Banter

Post by No_Mind » Tue May 22, 2018 4:14 pm

Define genuine friend

:namaste:
I know one thing: that I know nothing

User avatar
Wizard in the Forest
Posts: 633
Joined: Wed Nov 24, 2010 8:16 am
Location: House in Forest of Illusions

Re: Topicless Friendly Banter

Post by Wizard in the Forest » Tue May 22, 2018 4:20 pm

People who actually get to know each other as people and of course
Naranda Thera wrote:"These four, young householder, should be understood as warm-hearted friends:


(1) he who is a helpmate,
(2) he who is the same in happiness and sorrow,
(3) he who gives good counsel,
(4) he who sympathises.
(1) "In four ways, young householder, should a helpmate be understood as a warm-hearted friend:


(i) he guards the heedless,
(ii) he protects the wealth of the heedless,
(iii) he becomes a refuge when you are in danger,
(iv) when there are commitments he provides you with double the
supply needed.
(2) "In four ways, young householder, should one who is the same in happiness and sorrow be understood as a warm-hearted friend:


(i) he reveals his secrets,
(ii) he conceals one's own secrets,
(iii) in misfortune he does not forsake one,
(iv) his life even he sacrifices for one's sake.
(3) "In four ways, young householder, should one who gives good counsel be understood as a warm-hearted friend:


(i) he restrains one from doing evil,
(ii) he encourages one to do good,
(iii) he informs one of what is unknown to oneself,
(iv) he points out the path to heaven.
(4) "In four ways, young householder, should one who sympathises be understood as a warm-hearted friend:


(i) he does not rejoice in one's misfortune,
(ii) he rejoices in one's prosperity,
(iii) he restrains others speaking ill of oneself,
(iv) he praises those who speak well of oneself."
I really like the Sigalovada Sutta for this one.
"One is not born a woman, but becomes one."- Simone de Beauvoir

User avatar
No_Mind
Posts: 1911
Joined: Fri May 23, 2014 4:12 pm
Location: India

Re: Topicless Friendly Banter

Post by No_Mind » Tue May 22, 2018 4:30 pm

I agree with your definition .. but problem is we are strangers (or at least most of us)

I have been trying to set a model for openness about life and opinions .. which has not been accepted and probably sometimes been misinterpreted as someone who overshares.

How do you get others to be a friend if they have reservations about having anonymous friends?

Mark Zuckerberg tried it but ended up putting in so many privacy controls that now an old friend of mine cannot make me a friend because he can only allow friend of friend to become a friend and I am not a friend of friend but a direct friend!!

:namaste:
I know one thing: that I know nothing

User avatar
Wizard in the Forest
Posts: 633
Joined: Wed Nov 24, 2010 8:16 am
Location: House in Forest of Illusions

Re: Topicless Friendly Banter

Post by Wizard in the Forest » Tue May 22, 2018 4:53 pm

I don't mind oversharing, and... That's weird, I directly friend people all the time on Facebook etc. Also that's why I made this topic, to be a bit freer and to try to get to know one another better. Anonymity isn't really an issue for me.

My name is Gabriella, nice to meet you!

I am from the DC metro area, but I'm in Massachusetts this week for my niece's birthday. My sister recently had another baby so I'm also meeting my new niece as well. I studied Asian languages in the University of Maryland, but I am a Hispanic in a nominal Catholic family. I learned about Dhamma really young and I ended up taking refuge at about age 13. I'm thirty now. It's been a wild ride this year. My cousin who I regard as a sister is expecting twins the same year as my niece's birthday. I get to be an aunty thrice this year.
"One is not born a woman, but becomes one."- Simone de Beauvoir

User avatar
altar
Posts: 289
Joined: Sun Oct 18, 2009 6:24 pm
Location: Great Barrington, MA

Re: Topicless Friendly Banter

Post by altar » Tue May 22, 2018 5:38 pm

hope you enjoy massachussetts. that is where i live. i live in the Berkshires.

User avatar
Karma Dondrup Tashi
Posts: 68
Joined: Tue Jan 06, 2009 7:41 pm

Re: Topicless Friendly Banter

Post by Karma Dondrup Tashi » Tue May 22, 2018 5:44 pm

Wizard in the Forest wrote:
Tue May 22, 2018 4:00 pm
... not have a topic and let people talk ...
My specialty.

The Four Basics for Making Friends
Gifts
Kind words (speaking well of people)
Making one's self useful
Treating all alike according to the same standard


— AN 4 32; AN 8 24

https://tinyurl.com/yatfnyot
Last edited by Karma Dondrup Tashi on Tue May 22, 2018 6:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Garrib
Posts: 486
Joined: Mon May 30, 2016 8:35 pm

Re: Topicless Friendly Banter

Post by Garrib » Tue May 22, 2018 5:45 pm

Wizard in the Forest wrote:
Tue May 22, 2018 4:53 pm
I learned about Dhamma really young and I ended up taking refuge at about age 13.
I'm jealous!! Buddhism would have been a lifesaver for me during adolescence! lol

User avatar
xofz
Posts: 38
Joined: Mon Feb 22, 2016 11:29 pm
Location: WA, USA
Contact:

Re: Topicless Friendly Banter

Post by xofz » Tue May 22, 2018 5:55 pm

I've been a bit of a loner lately. The Buddha, combined with being a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic, sorta made me who I am today. Some of the worst thoughts in the history of anything, but a kind, peaceable outlook on treating others outside of my head. When bad things happen or someone says or does something that sounds really, really awful, I just look at it as some heavy past kamma. Lord knows I've got that.

Friends are wonderful to have, but it is oh so hard to keep in touch without ever having been in any kind of relationship whatsoever. Ah well; I strive forth, keeping my negative thoughts and feelings to myself and treating other forms of life with the respect and kindness they deserve.

Happy to be on Dhammawheel.
becoming aware!

User avatar
Wizard in the Forest
Posts: 633
Joined: Wed Nov 24, 2010 8:16 am
Location: House in Forest of Illusions

Re: Topicless Friendly Banter

Post by Wizard in the Forest » Tue May 22, 2018 5:57 pm

Hilariously enough being one immersed in Dhamma made me the awkward religious kid. Since my parents were sort of lapsed Catholics they saw nothing wrong with it. I was sort of a lapsed Catholic until a bunch of Christian kids invited me to their club and tried to teach me their ways. I was curious and ended up looking up Dhamma after being sufficiently alienated by their attempt at indoctrination. In numerous ways I owe them for making me happier than I ever could have been without Dhamma. I think they were displeased when I explained that I wasn't convinced, but they helped me find a real refuge.

I'm hanging around Lynn Massachusetts on the shoreside where my sister lives. It's really lovely.
"One is not born a woman, but becomes one."- Simone de Beauvoir

denise
Posts: 516
Joined: Sun Sep 07, 2014 4:56 pm
Location: U.S.A.

Re: Topicless Friendly Banter

Post by denise » Tue May 22, 2018 6:04 pm

will there be sandwiches? :tongue:

User avatar
Wizard in the Forest
Posts: 633
Joined: Wed Nov 24, 2010 8:16 am
Location: House in Forest of Illusions

Re: Topicless Friendly Banter

Post by Wizard in the Forest » Tue May 22, 2018 6:05 pm

@xofz

I've been diagnosed with Depression, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and struggle with health problems that are aggravated by stress. While I know it's totally incomparable it helps to know you aren't alone in the struggle for mental amd physical health. It can make trying to explain things really hard.

I'm one of the checking and rules compulsives, the kind that has obsessive fears about security and has to spend a ridiculously long time checking locks and closing windows and doors, and following rules to the letter or getting nasty panic attacks.

Explaining why I've gotta check the lock after it was clearly locked resulted in hilarious conversations with friends and family. Thankfully they're supportive and I have insurance to treat it.
"One is not born a woman, but becomes one."- Simone de Beauvoir

User avatar
Wizard in the Forest
Posts: 633
Joined: Wed Nov 24, 2010 8:16 am
Location: House in Forest of Illusions

Re: Topicless Friendly Banter

Post by Wizard in the Forest » Tue May 22, 2018 6:07 pm

@denise

I wish I knew how to make good sandwiches. I am terrible at it. But I can make pasta. Is that better?
"One is not born a woman, but becomes one."- Simone de Beauvoir

denise
Posts: 516
Joined: Sun Sep 07, 2014 4:56 pm
Location: U.S.A.

Re: Topicless Friendly Banter

Post by denise » Tue May 22, 2018 6:08 pm

ok....good! :anjali:

User avatar
Wizard in the Forest
Posts: 633
Joined: Wed Nov 24, 2010 8:16 am
Location: House in Forest of Illusions

Re: Topicless Friendly Banter

Post by Wizard in the Forest » Tue May 22, 2018 6:14 pm

Huzzah!

Hmm... But I tend to like the shore side. My dad was born in a place called "Viña del Mar" on the coast of the country of Chile. He said this is why he loves the sea, and I think I might share his love of the coast.

He met my mom when he moved to Guatemala not long after he was captured and tortured by Pinochet's men with my uncle for having dated a lady in the nuevo canción movement.

This prompted him to seek better things in the north and he spent a lot of time in Guatemala with my mom before they moved to the US and became citizens. I was born in Maryland and have been to a couple of states. Lived in Texas for a while.
"One is not born a woman, but becomes one."- Simone de Beauvoir

Locked

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 59 guests