Inspector Jacques Clouseau: With me, surprises are rarely unexpected.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [about Bizu - dead] It's amazing how he fell perfectly into the chalk outline on the floor.
Ponton: I think they drew the outline after he was shot.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Ah! We must be working with some kind of mastermind!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
[footsteps are heard in the background]
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Shhhh! Footsteps. It's a young woman... 30 to 35 years old... 5'2" ,5'4", brunette. And she is wearing high heels. Perhaps a bit too formal for the afternoon. And she has on... Chanel N°5.
[a male in his forties walks in]
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Is anyone with you?
Yuri: No.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Do you have a pair of high heels in that bag?
Yuri: No.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Not even a small pair of pumps?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: He is not 'pushing up the daisies,' he is DEAD!
Bizu: [glares] It's an idiom!
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: *You*, sir, are the idiom.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Stop browbeating her! Can't you see she is sexy?
===================================================================
Nicole: Would you like me to stay behind and help you?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: That is a generous offer, Nicole. But I am quite sensitive to office gender politics. And in today's world, the slightest gesture can be misinterpreted as harrasment. And it is late, and I would prefer not to put you or me into that delicate situation. Agreed?
Nicole: Yes, I agree.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [gives her a quick kiss on her lips] Well, lets seal it with a kiss. And I'll get back to work.
[slaps her on her butt as she goes out]
Re: Joke!!! 2.0
Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2018 7:22 am
by Kim OHara
unique.jpg (115.6 KiB) Viewed 19004 times
Re: Joke!!! 2.0
Posted: Tue Feb 06, 2018 8:19 am
by robertk
My neighbor knocked on my door at 3:00 AM. Can you believe it, 3:00 AM?
Lucky for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.
Re: Joke!!! 2.0
Posted: Tue Feb 06, 2018 11:05 pm
by Kare
nothing is as it seems.jpg (41.2 KiB) Viewed 18951 times
Re: Joke!!! 2.0
Posted: Tue Feb 20, 2018 7:06 am
by robertk
TgC79UU.jpg (44.8 KiB) Viewed 18893 times
Re: Joke!!! 2.0
Posted: Tue Feb 20, 2018 6:34 pm
by DNS
When I see curling at the Olympics I tend to think "brooming, sweeping . . . seriously; this is a sport?!"
I'll bet their wives say, "look at him sweeping; at home I can't even get him to take out the garbage."
Re: Joke!!! 2.0
Posted: Tue Feb 20, 2018 6:56 pm
by Coëmgenu
DNS wrote: ↑Tue Feb 20, 2018 6:34 pm
When I see curling at the Olympics I tend to think "brooming, sweeping . . . seriously; this is a sport?!"
I'll bet their wives say, "look at him sweeping; at home I can't even get him to take out the garbage."
It's funny to see Americans point out the sweeping as something funny about curling.
In Canada, it is also considered something of a "strange" sport, but we Canadians just presume that the sweeping "comes with the package", so to speak. We don't even question it. It's " normal". Instead, the humour inherent for us comes from the fanaticism of the crowd.
Go look up literally (not figuratively) any national or Olympic curling match ever. Listen to the crowd *expletive* yell at that sweeper. Listen to that passion.
That is what makes curling truly and profoundly inexplicable.