Joke!!! 2.0

Casual discussion amongst spiritual friends.
User avatar
Kim OHara
Posts: 4911
Joined: Wed Dec 09, 2009 5:47 am
Location: North Queensland, Australia

Re: Joke!!! 2.0

Post by Kim OHara » Thu Jan 11, 2018 10:19 pm

nondual.png
nondual.png (165.68 KiB) Viewed 779 times
This one is the header image of a FB group, "Nondual Humor" - https://www.facebook.com/groups/1481610875491274/ which looks like our kind of fun.

:coffee:

User avatar
Kim OHara
Posts: 4911
Joined: Wed Dec 09, 2009 5:47 am
Location: North Queensland, Australia

Re: Joke!!! 2.0

Post by Kim OHara » Tue Jan 16, 2018 10:51 pm

dark-force.jpg
dark-force.jpg (79.11 KiB) Viewed 756 times

User avatar
robertk
Posts: 2701
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:08 am

Re: Joke!!! 2.0

Post by robertk » Thu Jan 18, 2018 7:10 am

Ponton: You never cease to surprise me, sir.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: With me, surprises are rarely unexpected.


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [about Bizu - dead] It's amazing how he fell perfectly into the chalk outline on the floor.

Ponton: I think they drew the outline after he was shot.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Ah! We must be working with some kind of mastermind!


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
[footsteps are heard in the background]

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Shhhh! Footsteps. It's a young woman... 30 to 35 years old... 5'2" ,5'4", brunette. And she is wearing high heels. Perhaps a bit too formal for the afternoon. And she has on... Chanel N°5.

[a male in his forties walks in]

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Is anyone with you?

Yuri: No.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Do you have a pair of high heels in that bag?

Yuri: No.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Not even a small pair of pumps?

Yuri: No.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: He is not 'pushing up the daisies,' he is DEAD!

Bizu: [glares] It's an idiom!

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: *You*, sir, are the idiom.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Stop browbeating her! Can't you see she is sexy?
===================================================================

Nicole: Would you like me to stay behind and help you?

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: That is a generous offer, Nicole. But I am quite sensitive to office gender politics. And in today's world, the slightest gesture can be misinterpreted as harrasment. And it is late, and I would prefer not to put you or me into that delicate situation. Agreed?

Nicole: Yes, I agree.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [gives her a quick kiss on her lips] Well, lets seal it with a kiss. And I'll get back to work.

[slaps her on her butt as she goes out]

User avatar
Kim OHara
Posts: 4911
Joined: Wed Dec 09, 2009 5:47 am
Location: North Queensland, Australia

Re: Joke!!! 2.0

Post by Kim OHara » Sun Jan 28, 2018 7:22 am

unique.jpg
unique.jpg (115.6 KiB) Viewed 700 times

User avatar
robertk
Posts: 2701
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:08 am

Re: Joke!!! 2.0

Post by robertk » Tue Feb 06, 2018 8:19 am

My neighbor knocked on my door at 3:00 AM. Can you believe it, 3:00 AM?




Lucky for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.

User avatar
Kare
Posts: 763
Joined: Sun Feb 01, 2009 10:58 am
Location: Norway
Contact:

Re: Joke!!! 2.0

Post by Kare » Tue Feb 06, 2018 11:05 pm

nothing is as it seems.jpg
nothing is as it seems.jpg (41.2 KiB) Viewed 647 times
Mettāya,
Kåre

User avatar
robertk
Posts: 2701
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:08 am

Re: Joke!!! 2.0

Post by robertk » Tue Feb 20, 2018 7:06 am

TgC79UU.jpg
TgC79UU.jpg (44.8 KiB) Viewed 589 times

User avatar
DNS
Site Admin
Posts: 11581
Joined: Tue Dec 30, 2008 4:15 am
Location: Las Vegas, Nevada, Estados Unidos de América
Contact:

Re: Joke!!! 2.0

Post by DNS » Tue Feb 20, 2018 6:34 pm

When I see curling at the Olympics I tend to think "brooming, sweeping . . . seriously; this is a sport?!"

I'll bet their wives say, "look at him sweeping; at home I can't even get him to take out the garbage."

User avatar
Coëmgenu
Posts: 1715
Joined: Mon Jun 13, 2016 10:55 pm
Location: Whitby, Canada

Re: Joke!!! 2.0

Post by Coëmgenu » Tue Feb 20, 2018 6:56 pm

DNS wrote:
Tue Feb 20, 2018 6:34 pm
When I see curling at the Olympics I tend to think "brooming, sweeping . . . seriously; this is a sport?!"

I'll bet their wives say, "look at him sweeping; at home I can't even get him to take out the garbage."
It's funny to see Americans point out the sweeping as something funny about curling.

In Canada, it is also considered something of a "strange" sport, but we Canadians just presume that the sweeping "comes with the package", so to speak. We don't even question it. It's " normal". Instead, the humour inherent for us comes from the fanaticism of the crowd.

Go look up literally (not figuratively) any national or Olympic curling match ever. Listen to the crowd *expletive* yell at that sweeper. Listen to that passion.

That is what makes curling truly and profoundly inexplicable.
世尊在靈山會上拈華示眾眾皆默然唯迦葉破顏微笑世尊云
The Lord dwelt at the Vulture Peak with the assembly and plucked a flower as a teaching. The myriad totality were silent, save for Kāśyapa, whose face cracked in a faint smile. The Lord spoke.

吾有正法眼藏涅槃妙心實相無相微妙法門不立文字教外別傳付囑摩訶迦葉。
I have the treasure of the true dharma eye, I have nirvāṇa as wondrous citta, I know signless dharmatā, the subtle dharma-gate, which is not standing on written word, which is external to scriptures, which is a special dispensation, which is entrusted to Mahākāśyapa.

Meezer77
Posts: 184
Joined: Wed May 24, 2017 5:43 pm
Location: Scotland

Re: Joke!!! 2.0

Post by Meezer77 » Thu Feb 22, 2018 1:00 am

Some humour from my culture


User avatar
manas
Posts: 2451
Joined: Thu Jul 22, 2010 3:04 am
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Re: Joke!!! 2.0

Post by manas » Mon Feb 26, 2018 2:13 am

Knowing this body is like a clay jar,
securing this mind like a fort,
attack Mara with the spear of discernment,
then guard what's won without settling there,
without laying claim.

- Dhp 40

User avatar
JeffR
Posts: 269
Joined: Fri Nov 20, 2009 3:54 am
Location: Minnesota, Lakota Nation (Occupier)

Re: Joke!!! 2.0

Post by JeffR » Sat Mar 03, 2018 7:11 am

Image
Therein what are 'six (types of) disrespect'? One dwells without respect, without deference for the Teacher; one dwells without respect, without deference for the Teaching; one dwells without respect, without deference for the Order; one dwells without respect, without deference for the precepts; one dwells without respect, without deference for heedfulness; one dwells without respect, without deference for hospitality. These are six (types of) disrespect.
:Vibh 945

Meezer77
Posts: 184
Joined: Wed May 24, 2017 5:43 pm
Location: Scotland

Re: Joke!!! 2.0

Post by Meezer77 » Sat Mar 03, 2018 10:33 pm

manas wrote:
Mon Feb 26, 2018 2:13 am
:lol: Either he thought it was a rubbish joke or just didn't get it at all. Probably the former

User avatar
manas
Posts: 2451
Joined: Thu Jul 22, 2010 3:04 am
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Re: Joke!!! 2.0

Post by manas » Sun Mar 04, 2018 5:48 am

Meezer77 wrote:
Sat Mar 03, 2018 10:33 pm

:lol: Either he thought it was a rubbish joke or just didn't get it at all. Probably the former
I think he didn't get it, because the notion that 'we are all one' is not, despite what New Agers might think, something Buddhists believe, hence HHDL didn't get it for the right reason!
Knowing this body is like a clay jar,
securing this mind like a fort,
attack Mara with the spear of discernment,
then guard what's won without settling there,
without laying claim.

- Dhp 40

User avatar
JeffR
Posts: 269
Joined: Fri Nov 20, 2009 3:54 am
Location: Minnesota, Lakota Nation (Occupier)

Re: Joke!!! 2.0

Post by JeffR » Thu Mar 08, 2018 5:34 am

Image
Therein what are 'six (types of) disrespect'? One dwells without respect, without deference for the Teacher; one dwells without respect, without deference for the Teaching; one dwells without respect, without deference for the Order; one dwells without respect, without deference for the precepts; one dwells without respect, without deference for heedfulness; one dwells without respect, without deference for hospitality. These are six (types of) disrespect.
:Vibh 945

User avatar
Kim OHara
Posts: 4911
Joined: Wed Dec 09, 2009 5:47 am
Location: North Queensland, Australia

Re: Joke!!! 2.0

Post by Kim OHara » Thu Mar 15, 2018 12:08 am

never-hold-in.png
never-hold-in.png (107.51 KiB) Viewed 371 times

User avatar
Kim OHara
Posts: 4911
Joined: Wed Dec 09, 2009 5:47 am
Location: North Queensland, Australia

Re: Joke!!! 2.0

Post by Kim OHara » Thu Mar 15, 2018 12:08 am

traditional wrote:A little puff of wind, travelling from the heart,
Trickles down the back bone, and turns into a fart.
A fart is very useful, it gives the stomach ease.
And when you are in bed, it suffocates the fleas.

User avatar
JeffR
Posts: 269
Joined: Fri Nov 20, 2009 3:54 am
Location: Minnesota, Lakota Nation (Occupier)

Re: Joke!!! 2.0

Post by JeffR » Sun Mar 18, 2018 3:04 am

Image
Therein what are 'six (types of) disrespect'? One dwells without respect, without deference for the Teacher; one dwells without respect, without deference for the Teaching; one dwells without respect, without deference for the Order; one dwells without respect, without deference for the precepts; one dwells without respect, without deference for heedfulness; one dwells without respect, without deference for hospitality. These are six (types of) disrespect.
:Vibh 945

User avatar
Kim OHara
Posts: 4911
Joined: Wed Dec 09, 2009 5:47 am
Location: North Queensland, Australia

Re: Joke!!! 2.0

Post by Kim OHara » Fri Mar 23, 2018 10:32 pm

script.jpg
script.jpg (72.72 KiB) Viewed 293 times
The funniest thing about this may actually be the idea that a doctor would offer such a prescription instead of drugs.
:thinking:

User avatar
DNS
Site Admin
Posts: 11581
Joined: Tue Dec 30, 2008 4:15 am
Location: Las Vegas, Nevada, Estados Unidos de América
Contact:

Re: Joke!!! 2.0

Post by DNS » Fri Mar 30, 2018 9:19 pm

max.jpg
max.jpg (46.62 KiB) Viewed 228 times

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 45 guests