Joke!!! 2.0

Casual discussion amongst spiritual friends.
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Coëmgenu
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Re: Joke!!! 2.0

Post by Coëmgenu » Fri Sep 01, 2017 10:35 am

cjmacie wrote: In American pronunciation (at least to my ear) it might be phrased more as:
"Orange glad I didn't say banana"? Or more precisely "Or[a]n-ge glad..." sounding like "Orn-jh(e) glad I didn't say banana?"
Oh definitely. The "similarity" between the two is predicated on the elision (is that the proper term? It might only properly apply to vowels) of "orange/aren't" and "you".

I would ever hesitate to say that in rural Englishes, like my father's, the initial vowel of "orange" is almost completely assimilated into a syllabic "R" (like in "church") with nasalization. From there, the only differentiation between "orange" and "aren't" is the voicing of the final consonant, AFAIK.
世尊在靈山會上拈華示眾眾皆默然唯迦葉破顏微笑世尊云
The Lord dwelt at the Vulture Peak with the assembly and plucked a flower as a teaching. The myriad totality were silent, save for Kāśyapa, whose face cracked in a faint smile. The Lord spoke.
吾有正法眼藏涅槃妙心實相無相微妙法門不立文字教外別傳付囑摩訶迦葉。
I have the treasure of the true dharma eye, I have nirvāṇa as wondrous citta, I know signless dharmatā, the subtle dharma-gate, which is not standing on written word, which is external to scriptures, which is a special dispensation, which is entrusted to Mahākāśyapa.

नस्वातोनापिपरतोनद्वाभ्यांनाप्यहेतुतः

binocular
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Re: Joke!!! 2.0

Post by binocular » Fri Sep 01, 2017 12:59 pm

robertk wrote:who said Buddhists don't have a sense of humor..
Buddhists and humor -- like apples and oranges!

binocular
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Re: Joke!!! 2.0

Post by binocular » Fri Sep 01, 2017 1:13 pm

Coëmgenu wrote:
cjmacie wrote:In American pronunciation (at least to my ear) it might be phrased more as:
"Orange glad I didn't say banana"? Or more precisely "Or[a]n-ge glad..." sounding like "Orn-jh(e) glad I didn't say banana?"
Oh definitely. The "similarity" between the two is predicated on the elision (is that the proper term? It might only properly apply to vowels) of "orange/aren't" and "you".
I would ever hesitate to say that in rural Englishes, like my father's, the initial vowel of "orange" is almost completely assimilated into a syllabic "R" (like in "church") with nasalization. From there, the only differentiation between "orange" and "aren't" is the voicing of the final consonant, AFAIK.
Thanks for the explanation. I figured that the way "orange" should be pronounced in that joke is important, and I thought of pronouncing it the Australian way. But as a European, I am invincibly ignorant of knock-knock jokes. Several Americans have tried to teach me that type of joke, but it all resulted only in looks and sighs of disappointment ...

Beyond that, in my native language, the word for "orange" (the fruit) is "pomaranča" -- how's that for a synthesis of numerous sources?

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Coëmgenu
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Re: Joke!!! 2.0

Post by Coëmgenu » Fri Sep 01, 2017 1:44 pm

binocular wrote:
Coëmgenu wrote:
cjmacie wrote:
[...]

"Orange glad I didn't say banana"? Or more precisely "Or[a]n-ge glad..." sounding like "Orn-jh(e) glad I didn't say banana?"
Oh definitely.

[...]

I wouldn't even hesitate to say that in rural Englishes, like my father's, the initial vowel of "orange" is almost completely assimilated into a syllabic "R" (like in "church") with nasalization. From there, the only differentiation between "orange" and "aren't" is the voicing of the final consonant, AFAIK.

[...] as a European, I am invincibly ignorant of knock-knock jokes. Several Americans have tried to teach me that type of joke, but it all resulted only in looks and sighs of disappointment ...
Well, to be fair, this was an explosion of the conventions of a knock knock joke, which not all people necessarily will find amusing.

My favourite part though, has been the subsequent exchange and analysis of the joke, because I also find that, in it's way, amusing precisely because it is not particularly funny or amusing. It makes the "not-funny" root joke, even more amusing, in my strange sense of humour.
binocular wrote:"pomaranča" -- how's that for a synthesis of numerous sources?
Is that.... pomme, like in French... and then the ending looks Romanian (I know its not), to my unschooled eyes. I assume it is a portmanteau?
Last edited by Coëmgenu on Sat Sep 02, 2017 6:54 pm, edited 2 times in total.
世尊在靈山會上拈華示眾眾皆默然唯迦葉破顏微笑世尊云
The Lord dwelt at the Vulture Peak with the assembly and plucked a flower as a teaching. The myriad totality were silent, save for Kāśyapa, whose face cracked in a faint smile. The Lord spoke.
吾有正法眼藏涅槃妙心實相無相微妙法門不立文字教外別傳付囑摩訶迦葉。
I have the treasure of the true dharma eye, I have nirvāṇa as wondrous citta, I know signless dharmatā, the subtle dharma-gate, which is not standing on written word, which is external to scriptures, which is a special dispensation, which is entrusted to Mahākāśyapa.

नस्वातोनापिपरतोनद्वाभ्यांनाप्यहेतुतः

binocular
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Re: Joke!!! 2.0

Post by binocular » Fri Sep 01, 2017 2:28 pm

In the time of the Buddha, bathing was done in a river, a bathing tank, a sauna, or a
showering place. Instead of soap, people used an unscented powder called chunam,
which was kneaded with water into a dough-like paste. Bhikkhus are explicitly allowed
to use powdered dung, clay, or dye-dregs; according to the Commentary, ordinary
chunam would come under “dye-dregs.” A bhikkhu with an itching rash, a small boil,
or a running sore, or whose body smells bad (in the words of the Commentary, “with a
body odor like that of a horse”) may use scented fragrant powders.


Thanissaro Bhikkhu, The Buddhist Monastic Code

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CedarTree
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Re: Joke!!! 2.0

Post by CedarTree » Fri Sep 01, 2017 11:47 pm

Image


Practice, Practice, Practice


JohnK
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Re: Joke!!! 2.0

Post by JohnK » Sat Sep 02, 2017 2:12 am

Aloka wrote:
CedarTree wrote:
Disciple wrote:Image
It's funny because it's true lol


A blatantly sexist "joke" which has never been true in connection with myself as a woman, nor anyone I've ever known.

.
I got curious about the data -- have found some evidence that men actually do better economically after divorce than women do.
https://www.theatlantic.com/business/ar ... ap/480333/
Just sayin -- ;)
"...the practice is essentially a practice, and not a theory to be idly discussed...right view leaves unanswered many questions about the cosmos and the self, and directs your attention to what needs to be done to escape from the ravages of suffering." Thanissaro Bhikkhu, On The Path.

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CedarTree
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Re: Joke!!! 2.0

Post by CedarTree » Sat Sep 02, 2017 2:57 am

Lol I have a feeling that post is still going to be referenced when this thread is 20-30+ pages.

I think it was meant on the absurd side and also playing on the general joke about divorce. I don't think anyone took it serious in labeling all woman as money hungry (If anyone believes that they are literally insane, I mean lets be honest most woman are the ones holding up emotional depth and intimacy within our modern society).

Hopefully we can get some people posting jokes, memes, and general fun banter :)


Practice, Practice, Practice


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Re: Joke!!! 2.0

Post by Kare » Sat Sep 02, 2017 6:38 pm

When Laila and Bengt discovered that what the brochure called "a buddhist beach" was no printing error, after all.
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Disciple
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Re: Joke!!! 2.0

Post by Disciple » Sun Sep 03, 2017 11:53 pm

CedarTree wrote:Lol I have a feeling that post is still going to be referenced when this thread is 20-30+ pages.
LOL yup. I could care less though, it is what it is.

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Re: Joke!!! 2.0

Post by binocular » Mon Sep 04, 2017 4:49 am

Coëmgenu wrote:
binocular wrote:"pomaranča" -- how's that for a synthesis of numerous sources?
Is that.... pomme, like in French... and then the ending looks Romanian (I know its not), to my unschooled eyes. I assume it is a portmanteau?
My etymological dictionary (Snoj) says (my translation of the dictionary entry):
pomaranča
Loaned from old (today still dialectal) Italian "pomarancia" ‛pomaranča ('orange (the fruit)')’, which is a composite consisting of Italian "pomo" ‛apple, fruit’ and "arancia" ‛orange’; compare the French "pomme d'orange ‛orange (the fruit)’ which is motivated the same way. From the same source is also German "Pomeranze" ‛a type of small oranges’. Italian "arancia" ‛orange’ is (through Spanish "naranja" and Arabic "nārandž") loaned from Persian "nārandž" ‛orange’, which is not yet etymologically satisfactorily explained.
I think part of the problem here is that in some languages, the names for the fruit and for the plant it grows on are the same, while in some others, they are not, and in some languages, only in some cases. So when words get loaned from one such language to another, there can be some confusion.

So in my native language (which often has the same name for the fruit and for the plant it grows on), the following sentences make perfect sense:
We had to cut down the old pear because the struck of lightning broke it in two.
It is wise to water cherries in the winter.
Our nut grows into the power lines, causing problems.
My jewelery box is made from plum.
The heavy rain and storm pulled out some tomatoes.


In my native language, it would mostly be redundant to say "fruit of x" or "tree of x" because native speakers recognize from the context which is meant.

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robertk
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Re: Joke!!! 2.0

Post by robertk » Mon Sep 04, 2017 4:04 pm

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Kim OHara
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Re: Joke!!! 2.0

Post by Kim OHara » Sat Sep 09, 2017 12:25 pm

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Kim OHara
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Re: Joke!!! 2.0

Post by Kim OHara » Thu Oct 19, 2017 3:39 am

An atheist was walking through the woods one day in Alaska, admiring all that evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What a powerful river! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

Turning to look, he saw a 13-foot Kodiak brown bear beginning to charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could down the path.

He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was rapidly closing on him. Somehow, he ran even faster, so scared that tears came to his eyes. He looked again & the bear was even closer. His heart pounding in his chest, he tried to run faster yet. But alas, he tripped and fell to the ground.

As he rolled over to pick himself up, the bear was right over him, reaching for him with it's left paw and raising its right paw to strike him....he yelled out, "OH MY GOD!"

Time stopped.......

The bear froze.......

The forest was silent............

Even the river stopped moving.

As a brilliant light shone upon the man, a thunderous voice came from all around,

GOD SPOKE:

"YOU DENY MY EXISTENCE FOR ALL THESE YEARS, TEACH OTHERS THAT I DON'T EXIST AND EVEN CREDIT CREATION TO SOME COSMIC ACCIDENT. DO YOU EXPECT ME TO HELP YOU OUT OF THIS PREDICAMENT?
"AM I TO COUNT YOU NOW AS A BELIEVER?"

Difficult as it was, the atheist looked directly into the light &
said, "It would be hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years, but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?"

"VERY WELL," said GOD.

The light went out...

The river ran...

The sounds of the forest resumed..

And the bear dropped down on his knees, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke:

"Lord, thank you for this food which I am about to receive, Amen."

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DNS
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Re: Joke!!! 2.0

Post by DNS » Thu Oct 19, 2017 4:58 pm

Kim OHara wrote:
Thu Oct 19, 2017 3:39 am
And the bear dropped down on his knees, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke:

"Lord, thank you for this food which I am about to receive, Amen."
haha, he should have asked for the Bear to be a Jain. Jains are vegetarian. :tongue:

About 50% or less of Buddhists are vegetarian, so he would have only had a 50-50 chance at survival if he asked for Buddhist.

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