wanting to be happy

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Dhammarakkhito
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wanting to be happy

Post by Dhammarakkhito » Wed Jul 26, 2017 11:10 pm

i don't know where else to dump my thoughts or if i should, i am struggling with the idea of friendships. i enjoy other people so much sometimes, i long for old friends i haven't spoken to in years. i involve my mind in so many others' lives that i ignore my own conditions. i keep coming to the well to drink and leaving thirsty (so to speak).
can i enjoy others' company without it affecting my mind? i have become so invested emotionally that i've become outwardly abusive to others i claim to care about. i didn't have many friends left, but i want to renounce the ones i do have
by renunciation i mean eliminating this unwholesome approach to our unions. my grandmother used to say a good friend is someone you may have not seen in ten years but when you're together it feels as if you left off where you were, that time is irrelevant
"Just as the ocean has a single taste — that of salt — in the same way, this Dhamma-Vinaya has a single taste: that of release."
— Ud 5.5

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JohnK
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Re: wanting to be happy

Post by JohnK » Thu Jul 27, 2017 12:14 am

Well, this is one place to "dump" your thoughts (the other could "Personal Experience) In any case, I am having some trouble following, so I'll quote a bit.
Dhammomhi wrote:...i enjoy other people so much sometimes...i involve my mind in so many others' lives that i ignore my own conditions. i keep coming to the well to drink and leaving thirsty (so to speak).
That's the first place I got lost a bit. Are you saying that the well is connecting with others in some hope of quenching some thirst (for happiness?), but that you maybe quench their thirst (or not), and in any case you are left thirsty? I can picture that if that is what you are saying. If so, what are you doing to subvert the possibility of quenching your own thirst?
...can i enjoy others' company without it affecting my mind?
Probably not, but I'm not sure what affect on the mind you are not wanting; and the mind is already "in play" so to speak as you are anticipating and engaging (not just something to be affected).
... i have become so invested emotionally that i've become outwardly abusive to others i claim to care about.
That threw me; what is the connection between your emotional investment and you abuse? I didn't see that coming. Are you abusive because they are not quenching your thirst for happiness and you wanbt it so bad? I'm not "accusing," just not getting it clearly.
..i didn't have many friends left, but i want to renounce the ones i do have
by renunciation i mean eliminating this unwholesome approach to our unions

Can you be more explicit about the unwholesome approach? Maybe an example would be helpful.
my grandmother used to say a good friend is someone you may have not seen in ten years but when you're together it feels as if you left off where you were, that time is irrelevant
That is very sweet!
Obviously, only answer my questions if you want to, if think it would be helpful in some way.
"...the practice is essentially a practice, and not a theory to be idly discussed...right view leaves unanswered many questions about the cosmos and the self, and directs your attention to what needs to be done to escape from the ravages of suffering." Thanissaro Bhikkhu, On The Path.

chownah
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Re: wanting to be happy

Post by chownah » Thu Jul 27, 2017 3:30 am

JohnK gave a good reply and mentioned alot of what I was thinking about your post. So, no need for me to reply to the particulars of your post but I will reply to the title:"wanting to be happy".

Everybody wants to be happy.....the problem arises when people can not find enough happiness in the World. This is dukkha. The buddha's teachings are all about how to end dukkha and he himself said it is about nothing else. It can be helpful to discuss things here which is the main reason why I come here for discussion. I think that the discussion here is helpful because to a great extent it is based on the buddha's teachings....so.....don't forget to go yourself to the buddha's teachings to find out what he said which you can relate to the best. For the topic "wanting to be happy" I suggest reading up on the Four Noble Truths. Also, note that wanting to be happy is not completely bad in every circumstance in that the buddha says that our striving for happiness is part of our striving for awakening.
chownah

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Dhammarakkhito
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Re: wanting to be happy

Post by Dhammarakkhito » Thu Jul 27, 2017 5:08 am




responding to the response is difficult for me at this time, i read it and that is probably all that matters; i can come back later and see if i have more to say. the video above was really good for me and addressed several things i've thought about
"Just as the ocean has a single taste — that of salt — in the same way, this Dhamma-Vinaya has a single taste: that of release."
— Ud 5.5

https://www.facebook.com/noblebuddhadha ... 34/?type=3

http://seeingthroughthenet.net/
https://sites.google.com/site/santipada ... allytaught

Bakmoon
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Re: wanting to be happy

Post by Bakmoon » Thu Jul 27, 2017 6:14 am

Dhammomhi wrote:i don't know where else to dump my thoughts or if i should, i am struggling with the idea of friendships. i enjoy other people so much sometimes, i long for old friends i haven't spoken to in years. i involve my mind in so many others' lives that i ignore my own conditions. i keep coming to the well to drink and leaving thirsty (so to speak).
can i enjoy others' company without it affecting my mind? i have become so invested emotionally that i've become outwardly abusive to others i claim to care about. i didn't have many friends left, but i want to renounce the ones i do have
by renunciation i mean eliminating this unwholesome approach to our unions. my grandmother used to say a good friend is someone you may have not seen in ten years but when you're together it feels as if you left off where you were, that time is irrelevant
You don't have to renounce everything all at once. I think that especially for a layperson, renouncing relationships and friendships isn't a good idea. Not only are friends a source of happiness for us, but I think that you can learn a lot from interactions with other people.

I think it would be more helpful to examine what other areas of attachment you could work on. For some people it might be food, television, or too much video games, or something like that.

Could you explain what you mean by eliminating the unwholesome approach?
The non-doing of any evil,
The performance of what's skillful,
The cleansing of one's own mind:
This is the Buddhas' teaching.

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Dhammarakkhito
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Re: wanting to be happy

Post by Dhammarakkhito » Thu Jul 27, 2017 8:18 am

i mean that i develop obsessions for other people because i haven't come to accept being alone, and few people bring me joy. if anyone
"Just as the ocean has a single taste — that of salt — in the same way, this Dhamma-Vinaya has a single taste: that of release."
— Ud 5.5

https://www.facebook.com/noblebuddhadha ... 34/?type=3

http://seeingthroughthenet.net/
https://sites.google.com/site/santipada ... allytaught

gelatinous_cube
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Re: wanting to be happy

Post by gelatinous_cube » Sat Jul 29, 2017 2:24 pm

Dhammaboy wrote:i mean that i develop obsessions for other people because i haven't come to accept being alone, and few people bring me joy. if anyone
What bothers you about being alone? Are you actually lonely, or just bored? I've always had so much to do by myself my whole life that it's very rare for me to feel lonely. I think it would take missing a relationship that's far, far beyond an ordinary "friendship" or even a romantic relationship to ever really make me feel lonely. YMMV :broke:

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Dhammarakkhito
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Re: wanting to be happy

Post by Dhammarakkhito » Sun Jul 30, 2017 7:00 am

yeah... i'm probably just bored. there are things i want to do but i don't have a car. on side note, i entered in a two-week notice at my job. i felt ill will like never before towards my manager and to co-workers that i thought it would be better for me to look elsewhere.
"Just as the ocean has a single taste — that of salt — in the same way, this Dhamma-Vinaya has a single taste: that of release."
— Ud 5.5

https://www.facebook.com/noblebuddhadha ... 34/?type=3

http://seeingthroughthenet.net/
https://sites.google.com/site/santipada ... allytaught

gelatinous_cube
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Re: wanting to be happy

Post by gelatinous_cube » Sun Jul 30, 2017 9:51 am

Dhammaboy wrote:yeah... i'm probably just bored. there are things i want to do but i don't have a car. on side note, i entered in a two-week notice at my job. i felt ill will like never before towards my manager and to co-workers that i thought it would be better for me to look elsewhere.
If you're just bored, odds are very good I think that you'll be able to find satisfying friendships and relationships soon enough, which actually work for you and don't cause you to become abusive or anything like that. I figure it's only if you're very lonely that there's really something you need to address. If you're aware that you shouldn't be acting a certain way and you're already confronting it then you're most of the way to solving it. YMMV but that's just my experience. :)

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