Mental illness and buddhism

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oncereturner
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Location: Hungary

Re: Mental illness and buddhism

Post by oncereturner » Sun Jul 23, 2017 3:20 pm

aflatun wrote:
This doesn't make you mad, its entirely normal. In fact if this wasn't your natural (untrained)l reaction I would say something is very wrong :tongue:

Sorry if I missed it, is there a reason you're not pursuing a partner?
It's very likely, that every man thinks in the same way. I tell the full story.

My mental problems started in my childhood. My mother often blamed me, that I am the root cause of all her suffering. She said that I should't have born. I grown up without a father, he denied that I am his son. The continuos blaming caused me feeling guilty. I feel guilt when I have desires, or make some error. I even think I deserve punishment for being alive. My mother is always anxious, so I have a general anxiety. I had a girlfriend, and someone loved me for the first time.

I searched for a mental heath professional, and he gave me medicine. These pills had a side-effect, so I lost interest in woman, I was chemically sterilized for 5 years. The doctor doesn't give me this medicine this year, and the side-effect slowly wears off. I have desires again, but I feel ashamed and guilty. I have no self-confidence, I'm very shy. That's why I can't communicate with woman.
"And what is right speech? Abstaining from lying, from divisive speech, from abusive speech, & from idle chatter: This is called right speech."

— SN 45.8

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aflatun
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Location: Bay Area, CA

Re: Mental illness and buddhism

Post by aflatun » Sun Jul 23, 2017 7:09 pm

oncereturner wrote:
aflatun wrote:
This doesn't make you mad, its entirely normal. In fact if this wasn't your natural (untrained)l reaction I would say something is very wrong :tongue:

Sorry if I missed it, is there a reason you're not pursuing a partner?
It's very likely, that every man thinks in the same way. I tell the full story.

My mental problems started in my childhood. My mother often blamed me, that I am the root cause of all her suffering. She said that I should't have born. I grown up without a father, he denied that I am his son. The continuos blaming caused me feeling guilty. I feel guilt when I have desires, or make some error. I even think I deserve punishment for being alive. My mother is always anxious, so I have a general anxiety. I had a girlfriend, and someone loved me for the first time.

I searched for a mental heath professional, and he gave me medicine. These pills had a side-effect, so I lost interest in woman, I was chemically sterilized for 5 years. The doctor doesn't give me this medicine this year, and the side-effect slowly wears off. I have desires again, but I feel ashamed and guilty. I have no self-confidence, I'm very shy. That's why I can't communicate with woman.
Thank you for sharing your story! I'm sorry if I misunderstood you, I didn't mean to dismiss any problems you have, I was just saying that you're desires don't make you mad, which is what I thought you meant.

Many people feel shame and guilt around their desires, and a lack of confidence, shyness, etc, especially with the kind of situation you grew up in. I know its not easy, but these things can be worked on. Hopefully your provider is versed in therapy and not just prescribing drugs. A good therapist is like gold (and about as hard to find as a good Buddhist teacher unfortunately).
"People often get too quick to say 'there's no self. There's no self...no self...no self.' There is self, there is focal point, its not yours. That's what not self is."

Ninoslav Ñāṇamoli
Senses and the Thought-1, 42:53

"Those who create constructs about the Buddha,
Who is beyond construction and without exhaustion,
Are thereby damaged by their constructs;
They fail to see the Thus-Gone.

That which is the nature of the Thus-Gone
Is also the nature of this world.
There is no nature of the Thus-Gone.
There is no nature of the world."

Nagarjuna
MMK XXII.15-16

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oncereturner
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Location: Hungary

Re: Mental illness and buddhism

Post by oncereturner » Mon Jul 24, 2017 5:42 pm

aflatun wrote:
This doesn't make you mad, its entirely normal. In fact if this wasn't your natural (untrained)l reaction I would say something is very wrong :tongue:

Sorry if I missed it, is there a reason you're not pursuing a partner?
aflatun wrote: Thank you for sharing your story! I'm sorry if I misunderstood you, I didn't mean to dismiss any problems you have, I was just saying that you're desires don't make you mad, which is what I thought you meant.

Many people feel shame and guilt around their desires, and a lack of confidence, shyness, etc, especially with the kind of situation you grew up in. I know its not easy, but these things can be worked on. Hopefully your provider is versed in therapy and not just prescribing drugs. A good therapist is like gold (and about as hard to find as a good Buddhist teacher unfortunately).
You didn't misunderstood my situation, you reinforced me, that it is normal to have desires. It's a relief realizing that I am not mad at all.

Sadly, my therapist only subscribes drugs, he has no time listening to me. This forum is a better therapy, than a mental professional. In the hospital, the situation was the same. They gave me strong drugs, I laid in a bed, but they didn't give me any advice. They asked me a several things, but provided no solutions. The only thing, what happened, that I was sterilized for 5 years, and became addicted to sedatives (benzodiazepine).

I read Psychology Today online every day, a NYC magazine. The authors are familiar with meditation and mindfulness, and relationships, they provide useful methods.

I will search for a dating site, and try to meet someone.
"And what is right speech? Abstaining from lying, from divisive speech, from abusive speech, & from idle chatter: This is called right speech."

— SN 45.8

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oncereturner
Posts: 273
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Location: Hungary

Re: Mental illness and buddhism

Post by oncereturner » Mon Jul 24, 2017 7:40 pm

Artists are superior to express feelings, this one better shows my state of mind, than my own words.

"And what is right speech? Abstaining from lying, from divisive speech, from abusive speech, & from idle chatter: This is called right speech."

— SN 45.8

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oncereturner
Posts: 273
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Location: Hungary

Re: Mental illness and buddhism

Post by oncereturner » Tue Jul 25, 2017 9:01 pm

Good news. I visited my mental physician, and I convinced him to prescribe prozac. I have a good experience with this all-in-one drug. It reduces anxiety, negative feelings, obsessive thoughts, depression, feelings of shame and shyness, recudes appetite, and boosts self-confidence and so on. It would take 100 years of meditation the reach these achiements. This drug will help me reach this in some days. Now I have a powerful set of medicines.
"And what is right speech? Abstaining from lying, from divisive speech, from abusive speech, & from idle chatter: This is called right speech."

— SN 45.8

Saengnapha
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Re: Mental illness and buddhism

Post by Saengnapha » Fri Sep 15, 2017 2:36 am

oncereturner wrote:I practice mindfulness, which seems to be to have some disadvantages.

I often focus on the present moment, and thoughtfully examine my feelings and surroundings. I realized, that there are a lot of pretty girls in the city. I examine them visually, and I find them very attractive. I look at the details deeper than before. The details make them even more attractive. Of course, I don't examine only girls, but colors, shapes, people, and my feelings. But girls pop up everywhere, and I feel that my testosterone level increases immediately. My craving increased tenfold. To be honest, I'm happier, but confused. As a layperson, IMO, I don't need to avoid women. I'm very needy. I consider it is not a sin.

Do you think, I enlightened in the right way?
Referring to the Satipatthana Sutta, when practicing mindfulness, the Buddha instructed the monks to be mindful of the breath as a 'foundation' for mindfulness of the body, feelings, mind, & phenomenon. When your attention wanders to passing feelings or thoughts, or even sights or sounds, the attention is brought back to the breath. What this does is establish a natural concentration and a natural prevention of your wandering mind getting lost in the content of your perceptions. This kind of concentration carries over to your daily life and the fascination with girls and such begin to lose its habitual energy. Being present is not really about playfully admiring the girls. It is about noticing that you are thinking about girls, noticing the feelings that it produces, noticing the attachment that it produces, etc. It is not about personal preferences or avoiding anything. It is more of a state of being.

Mindfulness of the body is the first satipatthana. Using the breath as the Buddha taught is the beginning. It is a very helpful instruction and the basis for all contemplation, imo. Try to learn to do this properly, and thank you and the others for being so honest and forthcoming about your conditions.

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