Why we can't get no satisfaction

[Lombardi4]

When people abuse us, we hate it.
When people do not respect us, we don't like it.
When people ignore or don't care about us, we don't like it even more.
When people respect us, we like it, but we think it's not enough - they should respect us even more!
And when people worship us, we think there's something wrong with that - we don't think we actually deserve it!

There is absolutely no satisfaction whatsoever.

There will only be satisfaction when we completely stop caring about what people think about us.

And after all, the most important thing is for us to respect ourselves fully and always do our best. Then we can deal with anything.

[SarathW]

There will only be satisfaction when we completely stop caring about what people think about us.

There is an important virtue called a Hiri Otappa.

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The Buddha points to two mental qualities as the underlying safeguards of morality, thus as the protectors of both the individual and society as a whole. These two qualities are called in Pali hiri and ottappa. Hiri is an innate sense of shame over moral transgression; ottappa is moral dread, fear of the results of wrongdoing. The Buddha calls these two states the bright guardians of the world (sukka lokapala). He gives them this designation because as long as these two states prevail in people's hearts the moral standards of the world remain intact, while when their influence wanes the human world falls into unabashed promiscuity and violence, becoming almost indistinguishable from the animal realm (Itiv. 42).

While moral shame and fear of wrongdoing are united in the common task of protecting the mind from moral defilement, they differ in their individual characteristics and modes of operation. Hiri, the sense of shame, has an internal reference; it is rooted in self-respect and induces us to shrink from wrongdoing out of a feeling of personal honor. Ottappa, fear of wrongdoing, has an external orientation. It is the voice of conscience that warns us of the dire consequences of moral transgression: blame and punishment by others, the painful kammic results of evil deeds, the impediment to our desire for liberation from suffering. Acariya Buddhaghosa illustrates the difference between the two with the simile of an iron rod smeared with excrement at one end and heated to a glow at the other end: hiri is like one's disgust at grabbing the rod in the place where it is smeared with excrement, ottappa is like one's fear of grabbing it in the place where it is red hot.

In the present-day world, with its secularization of all values, such notions as shame and fear of wrong are bound to appear antiquated, relics from a puritanical past when superstition and dogma manacled our rights to uninhibited self-expression. Yet the Buddha's stress on the importance of hiri and ottappa was based on a deep insight into the different potentialities of human nature. He saw that the path to deliverance is a struggle against the current, and that if we are to unfold the mind's capacities for wisdom, purity and peace, then we need to keep the powderkeg of the defilements under the watchful eyes of diligent sentinels.

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/auth ... ay_23.html

[SarathW]

When people abuse us, we hate it.
When people do not respect us, we don't like it.
When people ignore or don't care about us, we don't like it even more.
When people respect us, we like it, but we think it's not enough - they should respect us even more!

This is the result of self view and Mana.
If you overcome this you are at least a Sotapanna. (provided you follow the Noble Eight Fold Path)

This matter also deals in eight worldly conditions.

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka ... .than.html

[Lombardi4]

Hi SarathW,

I totally agree with the quote and the need to cultivate hiri-ottappa and to have a sense of what one is doing within society, lest one gets blamed by that same society.

You could say there are two levels here: it is good to be concerned with others' views of oneself and it is also good to not be concerned about them.

I don't know what living in a society such as in Sri Lanka or Asia in general is (very traditional, social, family-oriented societies), but here in the West, there is a rampant fear in most people about what other people think of them, and it is very damaging, limiting, conducive to criticism and self-criticism and blame, low self-esteem, and so on and so on. People do not allow themselves to unfold their real potential because of anxiety and fear of what people think of them and is the cause of so much suffering.

If people could only just be less preoccupied with all these judgments, they be able to live so much happier and productive lives.

But it is true that we do have to take into consideration other people's opinions of our conduct - and then again, only the opinions of the wise ones. And since this the West, where Buddhism is not the main religion, society does not really have a very good idea of what is right and what is wrong which Buddhist countries take for granted.

And I also said: "And after all, the most important thing is for us to respect ourselves fully and always do our best."

Just because you don't really take into account the opinion of most people (who are not wise), it doesn't mean that you cannot observe immaculate virtuous conduct.

With mettā

[Lombardi4]

When people abuse us, we hate it.
When people do not respect us, we don't like it.
When people ignore or don't care about us, we don't like it even more.
When people respect us, we like it, but we think it's not enough - they should respect us even more!

This is the result of self view and Mana.
If you overcome this you are at least a Sotapanna. (provided you follow the Noble Eight Fold Path)

This matter also deals in eight worldly conditions.

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka ... .than.html

Yes, that's right. And we all have it. To the extent that we lessen it, we move a bit closer to sotāpatti.

And how do we deal with the eight worldly conditions? Equanimity. Not being too concerned what people think - be it good or bad. I mean ordinary people, not monks.

[SarathW]

And how do we deal with the eight worldly conditions?

This is easy to say than done it.
Perhaps contemplating on three worldly conditions. (Anicca, Dukkha and Anatta)

[Lombardi4]

And how do we deal with the eight worldly conditions?

This is easy to say than done it.
Perhaps contemplating on three worldly conditions. (Anicca, Dukkha and Anatta)

I would suppose there are more than one or two strategies.

[SarathW]

Agree.
Another method is to be mindful of the sound.
Consider all the sound as sound consciousness. (Sota Vinnana)