New and in need of guidance

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Marshall94
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New and in need of guidance

Post by Marshall94 »

Hello! My name is Marshall.
I’ve been following Buddhism for a couple years now. Sometimes more dedicated than others. I’ve struggled with some alcohol abuse and using marijuana in order to attempt to help my bipolar disorder and my panic disorder.
Here very recently has become a drag, and there are a lot of feelings telling me to let go of the alcohol and pot, but it’s really difficult to overcome the feeling and sit with the anxiety and discomfort that I feel. (Alcohol obviously does little to nothing in the long picture. Marijuana actually feels like it calms me down.)
Anyway, there have been many times where I’ve thought
“I just need to put all of this down and take refuge in the Buddha. I’d be a lot better off.”
But it is so difficult to pull myself to do this. I’m not here to argue what is right or what is wrong. I’m here humbly ask you all for help. Because I can’t keep living life this way, and I know that Buddhism is what has put me at peace in the past; albeit with some more work than drinking or smoking.
Any resources, recommendations or thoughts would be appreciated.
Thank you so much.
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Sam Vara
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Re: New and in need of guidance

Post by Sam Vara »

Hello Marshall, and welcome to Dhamma Wheel! :hello:

I hope you find some advice or encouragement that will help you. Most of us struggle with something, and there lots of members here who have posted on problems similar to the ones you describe. Maybe if you look at some old threads you might find something of interest ("Sila" is good for issues relating to intoxicants) or you might want to post a question relating to a specific aspect.

Have you formally taken refuge in the Buddha, Dhamma, and Sangha? That can be a big step forward. Are there other Buddhists where you live who can provide support?
Marshall94
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Re: New and in need of guidance

Post by Marshall94 »

Thank you so much for your reply! I have on my own, so to speak. I haven’t done it in front of a monk or anything haha.
Unfortunately I live in middle northern Indiana... so I don’t have too much selection here. My only options are really an hour drive to Fort Wayne or a two hour drive to Indianapolis.
I lived in Chicago for a short period of time, and it was amazing for finding resources. I’m finding it harder now that I’m back in Indiana though.
Sam Vara wrote: Wed Jan 02, 2019 8:59 pm Hello Marshall, and welcome to Dhamma Wheel! :hello:

I hope you find some advice or encouragement that will help you. Most of us struggle with something, and there lots of members here who have posted on problems similar to the ones you describe. Maybe if you look at some old threads you might find something of interest ("Sila" is good for issues relating to intoxicants) or you might want to post a question relating to a specific aspect.

Have you formally taken refuge in the Buddha, Dhamma, and Sangha? That can be a big step forward. Are there other Buddhists where you live who can provide support?
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Sam Vara
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Re: New and in need of guidance

Post by Sam Vara »

Marshall94 wrote: Wed Jan 02, 2019 9:56 pm Thank you so much for your reply! I have on my own, so to speak. I haven’t done it in front of a monk or anything haha.
Unfortunately I live in middle northern Indiana... so I don’t have too much selection here. My only options are really an hour drive to Fort Wayne or a two hour drive to Indianapolis.
Yes, I understand the problem. Taking refuges and precepts can be done on one's own. A little "ceremony" at home can be useful. And if you are able to check out the monastics in Fort Wayne or Indianapolis and maybe combine the trip with something else, that might help provide some impetus. Rituals can of course be a bit of a hindrance, but in cases where one needs motivation and commitment, they work well for some people.
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DooDoot
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Re: New and in need of guidance

Post by DooDoot »

Marshall94 wrote: Wed Jan 02, 2019 9:56 pm My only options are really an hour drive to Fort Wayne or a two hour drive to Indianapolis.
Welcome Marshall. While I am not a psychologist, I sense driving occasionally to say Fort Wayne may be worthwhile because I sense if the mind has bipolar disorder and particularly panic disorder then regularly being an environment where one feels safe & cared for and finding trustworthy spiritual friends may be helpful. The Buddhist refuge includes refuge in the Community (Sangha). While I don't live in the USA, a temple such as Indiana Buddhist Temple appears to look OK. Possibly you know more about it. I commend your aspiration to give up alcohol & pot however I do imagine there will be withdrawal symptoms that are difficult to endure. I suppose that is why social & treatment support groups are important. With metta :)
There is always an official executioner. If you try to take his place, It is like trying to be a master carpenter and cutting wood. If you try to cut wood like a master carpenter, you will only hurt your hand.

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retrofuturist
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Re: New and in need of guidance

Post by retrofuturist »

Greetings Marshall,

Welcome to Dhamma Wheel.

:buddha1:

I would recommend a two-pronged approach...

1. Following the Dhamma to the best of your ability.
2. Professional medical support to assist with the bipolar disorder and panic disorder.

Whilst what is done is one pursuit may also indirectly benefit the other, neither is a cure for the others. To use an analogy of a bird that needs two well-balanced wings to fly, to achieve what you want to achieve in life, you're going to need to make good, steady progress on each front, in a balanced way.

On that note, here's an extract from AN 6.55 that may be helpful to you.
"Now what do you think, Sona. Before, when you were a house-dweller, were you skilled at playing the vina?"

"Yes, lord."

"And what do you think: when the strings of your vina were too taut, was your vina in tune & playable?"

"No, lord."

"And what do you think: when the strings of your vina were too loose, was your vina in tune & playable?"

"No, lord."

"And what do you think: when the strings of your vina were neither too taut nor too loose, but tuned to be right on pitch, was your vina in tune & playable?"

"Yes, lord."

"In the same way, Sona, over-aroused persistence leads to restlessness, overly slack persistence leads to laziness. Thus you should determine the right pitch for your persistence, attune the pitch of the [five] faculties [to that], and there pick up your theme."
Metta,
Paul. :)
"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
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Re: New and in need of guidance

Post by paul »

Marshall94 wrote: Wed Jan 02, 2019 8:05 pm it’s really difficult to overcome the feeling and sit with the anxiety and discomfort that I feel.
Any practitioner needs to put these unpleasant feelings into the perspective of the hindrances and the means of defeating them, which can be achieved by studying this and formulating a plan of action:
https://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/aut ... el026.html

The Buddha himself had to overcome demons to achieve enlightenment:
https://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/aut ... el419.html
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DNS
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Re: New and in need of guidance

Post by DNS »

Welcome to DW!

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Re: New and in need of guidance

Post by dharmacorps »

Definitely understand your situation, part of my history is bipolar disorder, alcoholism, and struggling to commit to the dhamma. Only solutions I found were to go to AA meetings, get on the right medications, meditate, and follow the 5 precepts. After some time, things began to change substantially. I wish you all success on the path! :anjali:
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salayatananirodha
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Re: New and in need of guidance

Post by salayatananirodha »

Marijuana was allowed for use in the vinaya in saunas. Does not mean it is right for your condition, but it's not the same as alcohol. If it's right for you but you think it is wrong there will be friction. But with alcohol - or with anything that is perceived as pleasure here-and-now but ripens as pain - you must review the drawbacks. By not paying any mind toward the feeling of pleasure derived from that harmful source and by reviewing the drawbacks of it, you will automatically lose interest. Nothing more or less is required. The feeling you experience from renunciation, pay mind to that feeling; cultivate it by performing the actions that bring it about. It's like knocking out a coarser peg with a more refined one; this is gradual dhamma practice.
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Idappaccayata
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Re: New and in need of guidance

Post by Idappaccayata »

Marshall94 wrote: Wed Jan 02, 2019 9:56 pm Thank you so much for your reply! I have on my own, so to speak. I haven’t done it in front of a monk or anything haha.
Unfortunately I live in middle northern Indiana... so I don’t have too much selection here. My only options are really an hour drive to Fort Wayne or a two hour drive to Indianapolis.
I lived in Chicago for a short period of time, and it was amazing for finding resources. I’m finding it harder now that I’m back in Indiana though.
Sam Vara wrote: Wed Jan 02, 2019 8:59 pm Hello Marshall, and welcome to Dhamma Wheel! :hello:

I hope you find some advice or encouragement that will help you. Most of us struggle with something, and there lots of members here who have posted on problems similar to the ones you describe. Maybe if you look at some old threads you might find something of interest ("Sila" is good for issues relating to intoxicants) or you might want to post a question relating to a specific aspect.

Have you formally taken refuge in the Buddha, Dhamma, and Sangha? That can be a big step forward. Are there other Buddhists where you live who can provide support?
I would recommend you head north into Michigan and visit Dhammasala
A dying man can only rely upon his wisdom, if he developed it. Wisdom is not dependent upon any phenomenon originated upon six senses. It is developed on the basis of the discernment of the same. That’s why when one’s senses start to wither and die, the knowledge of their nature remains unaffected. When there is no wisdom, there will be despair, in the face of death.

- Ajahn Nyanamoli Thero
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