Hi. Welcome back meindzai.
I'm sory for the loss of your mother. I lost my mother in 2004 and it ain't easy. I've still not recovered from her death. I hope you can deal with it better than I did.
All the best to you.
He turns his mind away from those phenomena, and having done so, inclines his mind to the property of deathlessness: 'This is peace, this is exquisite — the resolution of all fabrications; the relinquishment of all acquisitions; the ending of craving; dispassion; cessation; Unbinding.'
(Jhana Sutta - Thanissaro Bhikkhu translation)