Hello and hoping to hear from others with regards to my difficulties

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juancha
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Joined: Tue Jul 07, 2015 1:35 pm

Hello and hoping to hear from others with regards to my difficulties

Post by juancha » Tue Jul 07, 2015 1:41 pm

Hello my name is Juan and for a while now I have felt that following the teachings of Buddhism and perfecting meditation techniques is ultimately the way forward for me given the very wretched experiences I’ve had all my life. I’m still learning about Buddhism but was hoping that people could advise me on what I’m describing here.

At the age of 45 last November I was finally diagnosed with ADHD and prescribed medication which has helped me hugely. Nevertheless I have felt that everything I’ve read about dopamine deficiency ties in with all my symptoms and traits. It seems that I’m generally speaking always craving something that will give me a burst of pleasure...eg. caffeine, junk food and of course online porn and masturbating.

Another example is with regards to relationships.....to summarise....I have always found it difficult to commit when dating a girl unless I found her to have a particularly attractive face. That’s to say I have rejected perfectly decent girls on the grounds they weren’t pretty enough. Also other times I would chase girls who I did deem attractive enough but they rejected me. (quite possibly for the same reasons as I have just described).... I was with a girl over 16 years ago who did satisfy me (as I found her sufficiently attractive) but she ended the relationship....now to this day I still feel pain and angst over this breakup.....(quite possibly because of the having a pretty face was so important) I have recently met another girl interested me but you’ve probably guessed it....I can’t bring myself to be totally enthusiastic on the grounds she’s not quite as attractive I would have liked.

I recognise this is a very sorry and wretched state of affairs....are people of the opinion that the philosophy of Buddhism and the eightstep program is something that would get to the very heart of what’s happening to me and once and for all be the cure I desperately need? I would be very keen to hear what people might have to say.

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srivijaya
Posts: 94
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 8:31 pm
Location: UK

Re: Hello and hoping to hear from others with regards to my difficulties

Post by srivijaya » Tue Jul 07, 2015 2:25 pm

juancha wrote:It seems that I’m generally speaking always craving something that will give me a burst of pleasure...eg. caffeine, junk food and of course online porn and masturbating.
Hi juancha,
That's called the human condition and everyone is addicted to the objects of the senses in one way or another and in various degrees of severity. Buddhism addresses this, as you will discover if you stick around and investigate it. Buddhism is not an instant magic wand, or some kind of quick fix but it is extremely relevant and helpful.
:anjali:

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Modus.Ponens
Posts: 3037
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:38 am
Location: Gallifrey

Re: Hello and hoping to hear from others with regards to my difficulties

Post by Modus.Ponens » Tue Jul 07, 2015 3:37 pm

juancha wrote:Hello my name is Juan and for a while now I have felt that following the teachings of Buddhism and perfecting meditation techniques is ultimately the way forward for me given the very wretched experiences I’ve had all my life. I’m still learning about Buddhism but was hoping that people could advise me on what I’m describing here.

At the age of 45 last November I was finally diagnosed with ADHD and prescribed medication which has helped me hugely. Nevertheless I have felt that everything I’ve read about dopamine deficiency ties in with all my symptoms and traits. It seems that I’m generally speaking always craving something that will give me a burst of pleasure...eg. caffeine, junk food and of course online porn and masturbating.

Another example is with regards to relationships.....to summarise....I have always found it difficult to commit when dating a girl unless I found her to have a particularly attractive face. That’s to say I have rejected perfectly decent girls on the grounds they weren’t pretty enough. Also other times I would chase girls who I did deem attractive enough but they rejected me. (quite possibly for the same reasons as I have just described).... I was with a girl over 16 years ago who did satisfy me (as I found her sufficiently attractive) but she ended the relationship....now to this day I still feel pain and angst over this breakup.....(quite possibly because of the having a pretty face was so important) I have recently met another girl interested me but you’ve probably guessed it....I can’t bring myself to be totally enthusiastic on the grounds she’s not quite as attractive I would have liked.

I recognise this is a very sorry and wretched state of affairs....are people of the opinion that the philosophy of Buddhism and the eightstep program is something that would get to the very heart of what’s happening to me and once and for all be the cure I desperately need? I would be very keen to hear what people might have to say.
Hello. Welcome! :)

If you want we can speak in private by PM. Some of your problems are similar to my own, so maybe I can be of some help.
"He turns his mind away from those phenomena and, having done so, inclines his mind to the property of deathlessness: 'This is peace, this is exquisite — the resolution of all fabrications; the relinquishment of all acquisitions; the ending of craving; dispassion; cessation; Unbinding.' " - Jhana Sutta

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DNS
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Re: Hello and hoping to hear from others with regards to my difficulties

Post by DNS » Tue Jul 07, 2015 10:12 pm

Welcome to Dhamma Wheel!

:meditate:

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bodom
Posts: 6438
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 6:18 pm
Location: San Antonio, Texas

Re: Hello and hoping to hear from others with regards to my difficulties

Post by bodom » Tue Jul 07, 2015 10:13 pm

Welcome!

:namaste:
The heart of the path is so simple. No need for long explanations. Give up clinging to love and hate, just rest with things as they are. That is all I do in my own practice.

Do not try to become anything. Do not make yourself into anything. Do not be a meditator. Do not become enlightened. When you sit, let it be. When you walk, let it be. Grasp at nothing. Resist nothing.

Of course, there are dozens of meditation techniques to develop samadhi and many kinds of vipassana. But it all comes back to this-just let it all be. Step over here where it is cool, out of the battle.

- Ajahn Chah

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cooran
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Joined: Tue Jan 06, 2009 11:32 pm
Location: Queensland, Australia

Re: Hello and hoping to hear from others with regards to my difficulties

Post by cooran » Wed Jul 08, 2015 6:39 am

Welcome, Juan! :group:
---The trouble is that you think you have time---
---Worry is the Interest, paid in advance, on a debt you may never owe---
---It's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it's what you do with it ---

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Khalil Bodhi
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Re: Hello and hoping to hear from others with regards to my difficulties

Post by Khalil Bodhi » Wed Jul 08, 2015 8:24 am

Welcome Juan!
To avoid all evil, to cultivate good, and to cleanse one's mind — this is the teaching of the Buddhas.
-Dhp. 183

The Stoic Buddhist: https://www.quora.com/q/dwxmcndlgmobmeu ... pOR2p0uAdH
My Practice Blog:
http://khalilbodhi.wordpress.com

juancha
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Jul 07, 2015 1:35 pm

Re: Hello and hoping to hear from others with regards to my difficulties

Post by juancha » Wed Jul 08, 2015 12:21 pm

Thank you to everyone who replied and welcomed me. I was really pleased to see the repsonses.

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Jim1
Posts: 125
Joined: Tue Mar 24, 2015 10:09 pm
Location: North Carolina, USA

Re: Hello and hoping to hear from others with regards to my difficulties

Post by Jim1 » Fri Jul 10, 2015 4:35 am

Obviously looks fade. Anyone you eventually settle down with is not going to stay "good looking enough" forever. What you want is someone who you can get along well with and have great conversations with.. She's out there somewhere man and she will be well worth it. In the meantime Buddhism will help you greatly, but it does take some patience. I'm glad you're here Juan, Welcome!

With metta,
Jim
"He who walks in the eightfold noble path with unswerving determination is sure to reach Nirvana." Buddha

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