I am determined to abstain from pornography

Buddhist ethical conduct including the Five Precepts (Pañcasikkhāpada), and Eightfold Ethical Conduct (Aṭṭhasīla).
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Khalil Bodhi
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Post by Khalil Bodhi »

Anumodana to everyone who has taken up the battle to counter lust in its myriad forms. I, too, have made the aditthana to abstain from viewing or using porn to gain gratification because I have found myself using it as a form of intoxication far too many times to count as well as due to the variety of ways it has (mis)informed my views on sex and sexual intimacy. Obviously this is not going to be a problem that everyone experiences but, for those of us that have identified it as a problem, I wish uus continued strength in or efforts and eventual success in uprooting kama tanha. Sukhitaa hontu!
To avoid all evil, to cultivate good, and to cleanse one's mind — this is the teaching of the Buddhas.
-Dhp. 183

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dexmorg
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Post by dexmorg »

I have to admit that i had porn open on another window until I read this post... :toilet: It's closed now!!! And...HOORAY!!! I can post!!! Thanks for your compassion chaps :)
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Khalil Bodhi
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Post by Khalil Bodhi »

Sadhu! Sadhu! Sadhu!
To avoid all evil, to cultivate good, and to cleanse one's mind — this is the teaching of the Buddhas.
-Dhp. 183

The Stoic Buddhist: https://www.quora.com/q/dwxmcndlgmobmeu ... pOR2p0uAdH
My Practice Blog:
http://khalilbodhi.wordpress.com
shjohnk
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Post by shjohnk »

Hi all,

This is also an issue for me. i assume we are talking about internet porn here? If so, something that is helping me is starting lots of projects that can fill my net surfing time: i find that i often surf porn when I feel i have 'idle time' on my hands, so now I have started a number of projects that I need to use the 'net for, and this gives me something worthwhile and wholesome to use the 'net for :toast: Some of my projects are:
- Learn Sinhala.
- Find Buddhist penpals in Sri Lanka, thailand, Cambodia and Myanmar.
- Write Dhamma-themed short stories.
- Find Buddhist quotes to use in my team-building sessions here at work.
- Research opportunities for volunteer work in Buddhist countries.

i feel these should take up a lot of the time i used to use watching internet porn. So my advice: Get busy!!!

Metta to all,

john
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manas
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Post by manas »

Hi all, I just found this post. Thank god(s), I'm not the only one.

I live alone, am quite shy (and shyness does nothing to impress women), so porn has become my 'de facto' lover of sorts. I've tried VERY hard to give it up. Heaps of times.

Really, since a monastery is out of the question (I have my kids over every weekend), I would be better off having a girlfriend than engaging in 'pleasure devoid of love', which is what masturbation to porn is. Not good for the heart's development, really. At least with a (real) woman, sex would not JUST be about sex, genuine affection would be mixed in there too.

Anyway this website has exceeded my expectations; :anjali: I never expected people would be understanding of this issue also. Thank goodness those of us who suffer from it don't have to hide for fear of harsh judgement.

So I too have the same aspiration as the others here, I aspire to free myself completely from porn (Guess I just admitted that it's a mild addiction at present). May we all succeed.

PS, someone said that if it's a problem, 'just don't do it!' Respectfully, that's like telling an alcoholic or a smoker 'well just stop' and expecting that it's just that simple. You have to have been addicted to something on a chemical level to know how tough the process of freeing yourself is. At the moment of orgasm, dopamine and other neurochemicals get released in the brain, and an orgasm junkie is actually hooked on those chemicals, more than the physical sensation of about ten seconds duration. It's chemical, that's why its as tough as alcohol or smokes to give up.
To the Buddha-refuge i go; to the Dhamma-refuge i go; to the Sangha-refuge i go.
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Khalil Bodhi
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Post by Khalil Bodhi »

Best wishes on your noble endeavor manasikara. May we all meet with success!
To avoid all evil, to cultivate good, and to cleanse one's mind — this is the teaching of the Buddhas.
-Dhp. 183

The Stoic Buddhist: https://www.quora.com/q/dwxmcndlgmobmeu ... pOR2p0uAdH
My Practice Blog:
http://khalilbodhi.wordpress.com
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nyanasuci
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Post by nyanasuci »

I recoment to read that letter of Ven. Nanavira. He talks about addiction:
http://nanavira.xtreemhost.com/index.ph ... &Itemid=49" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
Bhikkhu Hiriko - Ñāṇasuci

The experts do not say that one is a sage in this world because of view, or learning, or knowledge, Nanda.
I call them sages who wander without association, without affliction, without desire.

The Buddha, Sn.V.8.2 (1078)


http://pathpress.org | http://nanavira.org | http://ajahnchah.org
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nyanasuci
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Post by nyanasuci »

And read also that:

Be quick in doing what's admirable.
Restrain your mind from what's evil.
When you're slow in making merit,
evil delights the mind.

— Dhp 116

Instead of thinking how to satisfy your desire, quickly think and do a meritorious act.

One more:

Even the evil meet with good fortune as long as their evil has yet to mature. But when it's matured that's when they meet with evil. Even the good meet with bad fortune as long as their good has yet to mature. But when it's matured that's when they meet with good fortune. Don't be heedless of evil ('It won't come to me'). A water jar fills, even with water falling in drops. With evil — even if bit by bit, habitually — the fool fills himself full. Don't be heedless of merit ('It won't come to me'). A water jar fills, even with water falling in drops. With merit — even if bit by bit, habitually — the enlightened one fills himself full.
— Dhp 119-122
Bhikkhu Hiriko - Ñāṇasuci

The experts do not say that one is a sage in this world because of view, or learning, or knowledge, Nanda.
I call them sages who wander without association, without affliction, without desire.

The Buddha, Sn.V.8.2 (1078)


http://pathpress.org | http://nanavira.org | http://ajahnchah.org
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manas
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Post by manas »

I sincerely thank the above posters for those quotes and bits of advice. 'Thought-replacement' might work...as soon as the desire for the unwholesome action occurs, don't try and fight it (that's just engaging with it, a risky affair), just jump up and do something good instead, right away. Done often enough, it could 're-condition' the mind.

In how many more wombs must I lie
Till I know that desire
Is no friend of mine?
To the Buddha-refuge i go; to the Dhamma-refuge i go; to the Sangha-refuge i go.
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nyanasuci
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Post by nyanasuci »

Something like that I meant with indicating the Sutta verses above. When there is such gross desire (which is unplesant to hold) we like to satisfy it in some way: we eat, drink, watch movies, etc. But we can replace following unskillful desires with following skillful (meritorious) desires. The good work will satisfy our need, and will bring long-lasting happiness.
Bhikkhu Hiriko - Ñāṇasuci

The experts do not say that one is a sage in this world because of view, or learning, or knowledge, Nanda.
I call them sages who wander without association, without affliction, without desire.

The Buddha, Sn.V.8.2 (1078)


http://pathpress.org | http://nanavira.org | http://ajahnchah.org
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manas
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Post by manas »

Thanks Bhante. :anjali: (I just read your name more carefully!). Btw I could never broach this subject to the Bhikkhus I know 'in the physical world', but I really appreciate that members of the Bhikkhu Sangha are here in this Forum to offer advice even about such difficult subjects as this one!

Regarding the mind finding satisfaction in the good rather than the bad, this is a gradual process for me, perhaps a lifelong one. Just as the Buddha says in the Dhammapada, my mind, due to the force of acquired habit (since time immemorial?) quite naturally and effortlessly glides towards sense pleasures (NO effort needed here!), but to experience the pleasure of meditation, effort IS needed! Waking up is hard to do, but now that the Buddha has shown me this much, just rolling over and going back to sleep seems a ghastly option...yet what the Buddha invites me to do (renunciation by seeing things as they really are) is difficult also. I'm sorry to sound like I'm complaining, it's just how I feel these days. (Btw I humbly bow to the Sakyan Sage, who holds up a Light for any who wish to see, and offers a Path to deliverance!)

Sincerely, 'manasikara'.
To the Buddha-refuge i go; to the Dhamma-refuge i go; to the Sangha-refuge i go.
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Monkey Mind
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Post by Monkey Mind »

manasikara wrote:Btw I could never broach this subject to the Bhikkhus I know 'in the physical world'
Why not? That is not meant as a criticism, but only to convey that I did broach this topic with monks. The guidance I received was very inspirational.
:anjali:
"As I am, so are others;
as others are, so am I."
Having thus identified self and others,
harm no one nor have them harmed.

Sutta Nipāta 3.710
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mikenz66
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Post by mikenz66 »

Yes, if you need advice on overcoming lust, monks are clearly one of the most useful sources for practical advice... :sage:

Though one of my teachers who ordained as a novice at about age 12 sometimes joked:
"There's no point in asking my advice about sex...". :tongue:

:anjali:
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Post by Pacific »

as I heard the other night in a discussion about this subject -- "it just doesn't lead to enlightenment" which is as good enough reason as one needs I reckon
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nyanasuci
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Re: I am determined to abstain from pornography

Post by nyanasuci »

Hello,
manasikara wrote:Btw I could never broach this subject to the Bhikkhus I know 'in the physical world', but I really appreciate that members of the Bhikkhu Sangha are here in this Forum to offer advice even about such difficult subjects as this one!

In the Sangha of the Lord Buddha we do not have tabu topics (like in the Catholic monasteries). We are celibate and not born as saints, and therefore the theme about greed, hate and delusion is present here. The problem of our kilesas should be acknowledged and then one should seek for help from people who are skilled in the matter (which would be the Buddha, and other knowledgeable bhikkhus or bhikkhunis). So, do not feel intimidated when you approach a bhikkhu regarding problem of pornography or other tabu topics.

See also this video:

Bhikkhu Hiriko - Ñāṇasuci

The experts do not say that one is a sage in this world because of view, or learning, or knowledge, Nanda.
I call them sages who wander without association, without affliction, without desire.

The Buddha, Sn.V.8.2 (1078)


http://pathpress.org | http://nanavira.org | http://ajahnchah.org
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