kmath wrote:Hickersonia wrote:rying about the reasons why one might disrobe when those reasons may not really be any of our business.
True but there are a number of folks on this forum thinking about ordaining. For them the reasons monks and nuns disrobe is useful information. For me, I'm just plain curious. I'm interested enough in Dhamma that I like hearing about other's experiences.
I was a monk for 2 years ( ages 21-23) I ordained as a novice with the intent of just trying it out for one month but the life of a Samana fit me very well so I stayed on. I ordained at a Lao Wat which was founded by 2 monks who where ordained in Thai Forest Tradition but the other monks where all from village wats in Laos. While the Focus was on the ceremony and culture the Wat has plenty of forest to seek refuge in. I stayed there for most of my time but was asked to go to a small Wat in Illinois for my 2nd Vassa as a novice. I was fortunate enough to spend a few months at the Wat Thai Boston for a few months before I disrobed. Being that it was 3 years ago I am sure I have forgotten some of the reasons why I disrobed(which was the hardest decision of my life to this day). A lot of things that fueled aversion in me where the reverse culture shock I experienced with the monks using money and have the trappings I was trying to get away from (Money,external entertainment,etc.) I used Facebook and the Internet as a means to learn and share the Dhamma which was mostly good aside from the time it took away from the true practice( for a young monk unfamiliar with a healthy balance). I was asked questions in private by a woman which I avoided for a very long time. I didn't hold any of the monks as my teacher aside from watching the Senior Monks example which was that of a true Bhikkhu, so I never really asked any questions or went to anyone for guidance as I didn't really know what to ask or if I get an answer other than being told I'm trying to hard(with regards to trying to maintain my Sila). During my Vassa in Illinois in a small house I dealt with being homesick which eventually lapsed and I was able to throw myself into studying the Vinaya(The BMC's) I noticed bad Habits starting to creep in which I was able to remain mindful of and stem some of them. I returned to Mass and Took full ordination and nearly fainted being told to participate in the Lao tradition I forget and don't care to know the name of stepping on the laity's belongings while the put MONEY in my yam. I made a vow and stuck to it that even though I was told I had to take the money that I would just put it in the donation box when the coast was clear. Time went on and I was invited to stay at the Thai temple which I happily accepted although the abbot and vice abbot didn't want me to on the Condition that I would come back and go to do a ceremony at one of the monks aunts house in Nevada. I stayed at the Thai Wat and learned a lot from the monks there before going to Nevada. In Nevada we stayed in a small house with the monks aunt and Uncle and his female cousin, where we stayed in a room with a huge bed, I managed to sleep on the floor. During this time the same woman started to message me and caught me when my guard was down sparking my curiosity.At the same time my dad was going in for major rotator cuff surgery. I returned to Mass with my head on fire. I was noticing my mind wasn't to the standard I set for a Samana so I bit the Bullet and Disrobed before I would do any more damage to my own mind and more importantly to the robes I wore.
Please forgive me if anything I have said so far is out of line in any way especially towards the Dhamma
With that soap Opera out in the open(sorry for the dirty laundry) I am intending to stay with train, and help out and ultimately Ordain at Tan Ajaan Dick's Wat. I am in the slow process of renouncing everything(which I didn't do before) along with cutting all my technology out(as per my temperament to over indulge as I have before), I had a decent Conversation with Tan Ajaan Geoff and he gave me some very good insight for this time along with familiarizing myself with the BMC's again along with the recitation of the Patimokkha(one of my favorite forms of meditation
) and really making sure I commit myself to Tan Ajaan and the Teaching
When I set out to practice, I had only one book — the Patimokkha — in my shoulder bag. Now I was going for the full path and the full results.-Luang Ta Maha Boowa NanaSampanno