I have a very hard time focusing on the tip of my nostrils. It will take me a good 15 minutes to get my concentration zeroed in on the tips of my nostrils, but at that point I'll have culminated some sort of a physical feeling that I can't really describe, almost as though the tips of my nostrils take on a physical form. Now I can't always do this, sometimes I will sit for 30 minutes and it won't happen, because I more or less have to manifest this physical attachment during meditation because the feeling I get at the tip of my nostrils is so faint that I have to amplify it I suppose.
Now, I can feel the air coming in and out within my nose, right near the nasal cavity before it enters, I'm wondering if maybe my nostrils are too large for the air to be as present at the outer ridges of my nostrils, though it seems pretty clear that you must focus on the tips because your mind has to become like a gatekeeper allowing air in and out, allowing life in and out, and I feel as though I won't be doing it properly if I focus on the inner portion of my nose. The thing is it's starting to ruin meditation for me, because I feel that if I'm not doing it right, I may just cause more harm than good.
Might anyone give me an idea of the importance of specificity of the central point of focus on Vipassana meditation?
Another side question, I apologize for asking so much.
I used to be very into meditation, I mean I can't really explain it but there was a sort of perception shift, I felt like I could see way more detail in things, that I could near instantly analyse objects and sometimes I felt as though they were....I apologize I really cannot explain it, but something like a bag would take on such a rich feeling, and almost seem as though it weren't a bag but something else. I also was very kind, and loving, and harbored no ill will towards anyone, I quit smoking (so easily, I would chuckle when my mind would try and get me to smoke, I felt as though my desires were as strong as they always are, but my will to overcome them was so far beyond that moments of weakness were laughable at best).
Now to attain this, I focused on the nostrils, to the best of my ability, but somehow my sessions turned out to be following the breath in and out, in and out for long periods of time, sometimes to the point that I would reach a place that can't be described as vivid, as it were more real than everyday life was most of the time, but I would be in a meadow and see myself breathing, and would imagine a crescent moon and feel so free.
The reason I had to detail all of this, is that I've lost all of it, I just fell out of meditation, and now I'm trying to get back into it. I'm reading all the same books, making the same efforts, this time I have faith because I've experienced it, but I feel there is some sort of dullness to life, to meditation that I can't overcome, I don't get that perception shift anymore where anything and everything is beautiful, I don't feel inspired to practice Metta or to love others, I try in vain to quit smoking but it defeats me with ease every time. You can understand my dismay being this way now, having tasted the bliss of loving kindness and Vipassana. Is it possible for someone to make some sort of a mistake, or be damaged spiritually to a point where they can no longer return back to the path? I'm afraid I'm in that situation.