Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

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yawares
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Re: Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Post by yawares »

Dear Members,

Image

Buddha's advice/dhamma truly work for my family, my husband/daughter love me so very much. We love/trust each other. We have happy family-life. That's why we so love the Buddhas/Dhamma :heart:

Husband and Wife
[www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/dha ... a/marriage]


According to Buddhist teaching, in a marriage, the husband can expect the following qualities from his wife:
— love
— attentiveness
— family obligations
— faithfulness
— child-care
— thrift
— the provision of meals
— to calm him down when he is upset
— sweetness in everything

In return, the wife's expectation from husband is:
— tenderness
— courtesy
— sociability
— security
— fairness
— loyalty
— honesty
— good companionship
— moral support

Apart from these emotional and sensual aspects, the couple will have to take care of day-to-day living conditions, family budget and social obligations. Thus, mutual consultations between the husband and wife on all family problems would help to create an atmosphere of trust and understanding in resolving whatever issues that may arise.

The Husband

The Buddha, in reply to a householder as to how a husband should minister to his wife declared that the husband should always honor and respect his wife, by being faithful to her, by giving her the requisite authority to manage domestic affairs and by giving her befitting ornaments. This advice, given over twenty five centuries ago, still stands good for today.

Knowing the psychology of the man who tends to consider himself superior, the Buddha made a remarkable change and uplifted the status of a woman by a simple suggestion that a husband should honor and respect his wife. A husband should be faithful to his wife, which means that a husband should fulfill and maintain his marital obligations to his wife thus sustaining the confidence in the marital relationship in every sense of the word. The husband, being a bread-winner, would invariably stay away from home, hence he should entrust the domestic or household duties to the wife who should be considered as the keeper and the distributor of the property and the home economic-administrator. The provision of befitting ornaments to the wife should be symbolic of the husband's love, care and attention showered on the wife. This symbolic practice has been carried out from time immemorial in Buddhist communities.

************
Image

:heart: Love Buddha's dhamma :heart:
yawares/tep/sirikanya :anjali:
gendun
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Re: Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Post by gendun »

I find it extraordinary that what started as a ringing declaration of the possibility of Liberation should be reduced to an endorsement of the mundane and bourgeois.
Complete with fixed gender roles and subservience. And conformity enforced by threats of hellfire.
Gendun P. Brownlow.
Karma Kagyu student.
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mikenz66
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Re: Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Post by mikenz66 »

Perhaps it comes down to how one sees the Dhamma. If it is seen as a means to liberation from samasara, then one might worry less about whether it supports particular views of how samsara should be...

:anjali:
Mike
gendun
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Re: Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Post by gendun »

Even if we view it as a way to somehow improve samsara :? how do fixed gender roles enforced by threat of hell for naughty women aid that ?
Please tell me that the Theravada view of social roles is not in a state of arrested development circa 1960. :( " Sweetness in all things " yuk yuk yuk.
A hundred years of feminism is not about to be set aside in order to incorporate the conventions of an obsolete culture.
Do none of you actually know any western women ?
Gendun P. Brownlow.
Karma Kagyu student.
Coyote
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Re: Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Post by Coyote »

gendun wrote:Even if we view it as a way to somehow improve samsara :? how do fixed gender roles enforced by threat of hell for naughty women aid that ?
Please tell me that the Theravada view of social roles is not in a state of arrested development circa 1960. :( " Sweetness in all things " yuk yuk yuk.
A hundred years of feminism is not about to be set aside in order to incorporate the conventions of an obsolete culture.
Do none of you actually know any western women ?
The same advice and "threat" is given to lazy, drunken and adulterous husbands if I remember correctly.
Maybe it is the other way around, and it is 21st century conventions that should be set aside? Not only this, but many Buddhist ideals and conventions challenge those of the prevailing culture.
I know plenty of men, not to speak of the women, who would be resistant to Buddhist conventions and ideals.


:anjali:
"If beings knew, as I know, the results of giving & sharing, they would not eat without having given, nor would the stain of miserliness overcome their minds. Even if it were their last bite, their last mouthful, they would not eat without having shared."
Iti 26
gendun
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Re: Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Post by gendun »

I hardly think that the struggle that women have mounted to be seen as autominous functioning citizens in their own right, able to choose their own roles and life styles and vocations, amounts to " conventions "..
What are the growing numbers of Gay and Lesbian Buddhists to make of these injunctions ?
I'll tell you what they make of them..they join a Mahayana Sangha is what.
If this really represents the position that the Theravada is seriously proposing to import into the west then it is doomed to remain a small self enclosed cult. Like the Shakers or Mennonites.
Maybe thats OK with you.
Gendun P. Brownlow.
Karma Kagyu student.
Coyote
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Re: Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Post by Coyote »

gendun wrote:I hardly think that the struggle that women have mounted to be seen as autominous functioning citizens in their own right, able to choose their own roles and life styles and vocations, amounts to " conventions "..
If this really represents the position that the Theravada is seriously proposing to import into the west then it is doomed to remain a small self enclosed cult. Like the Shakers or Mennonites
Maybe thats OK with you.
I don't think I have said that those things mentioned by you should be discarded. Merely that when social conventions and dhammic advice come into conflict it would be best to choose the Dhamma as presented in the Suttas, not our own ideals, or those of our culture. It is always a choice, nothing forced. As for the second comment: I think it is important that practices and teachings don't change just to pander to the sensitivities of some converts. If that means Theravada representation is small, then that is none of my concern. Whether this is one of those things, I am not sure. I'm not sure I feel confident enough to comment further.

:anjali:
Last edited by Coyote on Mon Feb 04, 2013 7:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"If beings knew, as I know, the results of giving & sharing, they would not eat without having given, nor would the stain of miserliness overcome their minds. Even if it were their last bite, their last mouthful, they would not eat without having shared."
Iti 26
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Khalil Bodhi
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Re: Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Post by Khalil Bodhi »

If you want to practice the Dhamma as taught by the Lord Buddha you are free to do so. If you choose to practice your own beliefs you are free to do so. Just be clear about what you're doing.
To avoid all evil, to cultivate good, and to cleanse one's mind — this is the teaching of the Buddhas.
-Dhp. 183

The Stoic Buddhist: https://www.quora.com/q/dwxmcndlgmobmeu ... pOR2p0uAdH
My Practice Blog:
http://khalilbodhi.wordpress.com
gendun
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Re: Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Post by gendun »

So is that what you would say to a gay or lesbian Buddhist who was asking about this specific issue
Khalil Bodhi ?
Khalil Bodhi wrote:If you want to practice the Dhamma as taught by the Lord Buddha you are free to do so. If you choose to practice your own beliefs you are free to do so. Just be clear about what you're doing.
Gendun P. Brownlow.
Karma Kagyu student.
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Khalil Bodhi
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Re: Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Post by Khalil Bodhi »

This is what I would say Gendun:

If you want to practice the Dhamma as taught by the Lord Buddha you are free to do so. If you choose to practice your own beliefs you are free to do so. Just be clear about what you're doing.
To avoid all evil, to cultivate good, and to cleanse one's mind — this is the teaching of the Buddhas.
-Dhp. 183

The Stoic Buddhist: https://www.quora.com/q/dwxmcndlgmobmeu ... pOR2p0uAdH
My Practice Blog:
http://khalilbodhi.wordpress.com
gendun
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Re: Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Post by gendun »

But the socio/political position of gay and lesbian Buddhists..or single parent Buddhists, or Buddhists married to non Buddhists are not covered by the Buddha's injunctions Khalil Bodhi.
So in regard to these specifics social mores in relationship terms.... neither conventional interpretations of Dhamma nor subjective ideas are of use.
These lifestyle variations are evolving as we speak.there is no precedent.
Last edited by gendun on Mon Feb 04, 2013 7:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Gendun P. Brownlow.
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Khalil Bodhi
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Re: Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Post by Khalil Bodhi »

Now you're talking about something completely different. My statement was in relation to the OP. When considering things which were not proscribed or described by the Buddha I always find it useful to refer to the 4 Great Standardss: http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/auth ... guide.html
To avoid all evil, to cultivate good, and to cleanse one's mind — this is the teaching of the Buddhas.
-Dhp. 183

The Stoic Buddhist: https://www.quora.com/q/dwxmcndlgmobmeu ... pOR2p0uAdH
My Practice Blog:
http://khalilbodhi.wordpress.com
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yawares
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Re: Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Post by yawares »

Khalil Bodhi wrote:This is what I would say Gendun:

If you want to practice the Dhamma as taught by the Lord Buddha you are free to do so. If you choose to practice your own beliefs you are free to do so. Just be clear about what you're doing.
Dear Khalil Bodhi,

yawares :anjali:
shaunc
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Joined: Mon Jan 07, 2013 5:50 am

Re: Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Post by shaunc »

gendun wrote:But the socio/political position of gay and lesbian Buddhists..or single parent Buddhists, or Buddhists married to non Buddhists are not covered by the Buddha's injunctions Khalil Bodhi.
So in regard to these specifics social mores in relationship terms.... neither conventional interpretations of Dhamma nor subjective ideas are of use.
These lifestyle variations are evolving as we speak.there is no precedent.
Hi Gendun. I'm married to a non-buddhist (practising catholic) & have 4 kids, we both work hard & do our best with life in general. I'd like to let you know that my wife would be considered by the buddhist advice in Yawares story as a very good wife without being mine, the kids, her bosses or anyone elses sub-servient hand-maid. The buddha handed out all sorts of advice to all types of people. This advice was handed down to a married woman (wife). Some advice was handed down to husbands, businessmen, military men, monks etc. Most of it is pretty good advice but if you're not the type of person it was intended for don't take it too much to heart. :)
shaunc
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Joined: Mon Jan 07, 2013 5:50 am

Re: Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Post by shaunc »

yawares wrote:Dear Members,

Image

Buddha's advice/dhamma truly work for my family, my husband/daughter love me so very much. We love/trust each other. We have happy family-life. That's why we so love the Buddhas/Dhamma :heart:

Husband and Wife
[www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/dha ... a/marriage]


According to Buddhist teaching, in a marriage, the husband can expect the following qualities from his wife:
— love
— attentiveness
— family obligations
— faithfulness
— child-care
— thrift
— the provision of meals
— to calm him down when he is upset
— sweetness in everything

In return, the wife's expectation from husband is:
— tenderness
— courtesy
— sociability
— security
— fairness
— loyalty
— honesty
— good companionship
— moral support

Apart from these emotional and sensual aspects, the couple will have to take care of day-to-day living conditions, family budget and social obligations. Thus, mutual consultations between the husband and wife on all family problems would help to create an atmosphere of trust and understanding in resolving whatever issues that may arise.

The Husband

The Buddha, in reply to a householder as to how a husband should minister to his wife declared that the husband should always honor and respect his wife, by being faithful to her, by giving her the requisite authority to manage domestic affairs and by giving her befitting ornaments. This advice, given over twenty five centuries ago, still stands good for today.

Knowing the psychology of the man who tends to consider himself superior, the Buddha made a remarkable change and uplifted the status of a woman by a simple suggestion that a husband should honor and respect his wife. A husband should be faithful to his wife, which means that a husband should fulfill and maintain his marital obligations to his wife thus sustaining the confidence in the marital relationship in every sense of the word. The husband, being a bread-winner, would invariably stay away from home, hence he should entrust the domestic or household duties to the wife who should be considered as the keeper and the distributor of the property and the home economic-administrator. The provision of befitting ornaments to the wife should be symbolic of the husband's love, care and attention showered on the wife. This symbolic practice has been carried out from time immemorial in Buddhist communities.

************
Image

:heart: Love Buddha's dhamma :heart:
yawares/tep/sirikanya :anjali:
Thank-you Yawares. You have said much better what I was trying to say. There are 2 people involved in a marriage. Both partners have certain rights & expectations, which of course means that they also have certain responsobilities.
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