I find myself reacting to my daughter sometimes that frightens me very much.
Involuntary outbursts or reactions that come from the depths of my being that frightens me when I am conscious of it. I have been trying to understand why I lose control like that, and I am coming to realise through restarting my daily meditation practice that I have reflexes that my parents used to have. Their impatience, their lack of attention, vacantness... involuntary outbursts of frustrations. I have been deeply conditioned by my parents.. deep sankharas that are as if they have been etched in stone.
That's why I am delving into the suttas about the nature of sufferings, how they can create more sufferings if they are not ceased.
Why do i seek the wisdom in the words of the Buddha and his exhortation of practice in mindful meditation ?
It's plainly this : I don't wanna hurt my own child in ways that cannot be undone.
So, my child and my lovely spouse has become my meditation practice.
I am very concerned about moulding my daughter with deep complexes, that's why I meditate to let go of my own deep complexes. From a meditative state of being, I am hopeful my actions and words are not that harmful on my little one.
I have her permission to publish her words which I thought are astoundingly true.. but how is it for other meditators who are parents?
What has been your concrete experiences which you may be able to share with us?