Feeling a llittle negative (but don't want to)

General discussion of issues related to Theravada Training of Sila, the Five Precepts (Pañcasikkhāpada), and Eightfold Ethical Conduct (Aṭṭhasīla).

Feeling a llittle negative (but don't want to)

Postby Beautiful Breath » Wed Nov 21, 2012 2:04 pm

I have been asking for some guidance for a while now from a Monk who is resident in a Monastery near me. Seems every time I ask he is too busy (usually with other people :thinking: !!). He knows me very well and we have had many long walks and conversations...not sure whats happening. I am trying hard not to develop a negative mind but its hard I have to say... I was at the Monastery recently and although he said he didn't have time to speak to me, he was arranging meet up with other people staying there. At one point he actually arranged to see a lay practitioner whilst I was present, which seemed a little harsh given my request fo the same.

Odd but it sort of fits in with my friend asking about what she sees as a one way system. We support ordained Sangha in their chosen life, but can we not reasonabley expect a little guidance when requested?

BB...
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Re: Feeling a llittle negative (but don't want to)

Postby tiltbillings » Wed Nov 21, 2012 2:16 pm

Beautiful Breath wrote:I have been asking for some guidance for a while now from a Monk who is resident in a Monastery near me. Seems every time I ask he is too busy (usually with other people :thinking: !!). He knows me very well and we have had many long walks and conversations...not sure whats happening. I am trying hard not to develop a negative mind but its hard I have to say... I was at the Monastery recently and although he said he didn't have time to speak to me, he was arranging meet up with other people staying there. At one point he actually arranged to see a lay practitioner whilst I was present, which seemed a little harsh given my request fo the same.

Odd but it sort of fits in with my friend asking about what she sees as a one way system. We support ordained Sangha in their chosen life, but can we not reasonabley expect a little guidance when requested?

BB...
Monks are also human beings with all the same foibles as any of us. It is a really heavy burden to carry that one must always have a wise answer to questions put to one by those who expect to have their every question answered. The problem may not be just with the monk, but also with you and what you may be expecting from him. He may not feel up to it, or it might just be too taxing for him to always having to be the wise answer man. Care-givers also need to be cared for.
This being is bound to samsara, kamma is his means for going beyond.
SN I, 38.

Ar scáth a chéile a mhaireas na daoine.
People live in one another’s shelter.

"We eat cold eels and think distant thoughts." -- Jack Johnson
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Re: Feeling a llittle negative (but don't want to)

Postby Beautiful Breath » Wed Nov 21, 2012 2:52 pm

I get that...I work as a Psychological Therapist myself. I just can't help thinking a reply would be polite...or passing it on to someone else... I am somewhat stuck in my practice and really need to talk it through.
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Re: Feeling a llittle negative (but don't want to)

Postby DAWN » Wed Nov 21, 2012 5:24 pm

Perharps your relationship become to close?

I have some peoples who ask me some advices, they ask me all and everytime, so by compassion to them, i stoped to answer, i went away for some time. When i return, and said that i am here, and i saw that their wisdom was much more developped, and now they was able to answer their own questions.
Sabbe dhamma anatta
We are not concurents...
I'am sorry for my english
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Re: Feeling a llittle negative (but don't want to)

Postby BubbaBuddhist » Wed Nov 21, 2012 10:41 pm

True--sometimes no answer IS an answer.

BB
Author of Redneck Buddhism: or Will You Reincarnate as Your Own Cousin?
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Re: Feeling a llittle negative (but don't want to)

Postby Cittasanto » Wed Nov 21, 2012 11:00 pm

maybe there are other things at play and he doesn't feel he can talk to you at the moment? or maybe he is not realising what he is doing?

try not to put to much thought into why, but try to develop wholesome states of mind.
either way you have a good source of experience here on DW.
This offering maybe right, or wrong, but it is one, the other, both, or neither!
With Metta
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Blog, - Some Suttas Translated, Ajahn Chah.
"Others will misconstrue reality due to their personal perspectives, doggedly holding onto and not easily discarding them; We shall not misconstrue reality due to our own personal perspectives, nor doggedly holding onto them, but will discard them easily. This effacement shall be done."
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Re: Feeling a llittle negative (but don't want to)

Postby Beautiful Breath » Thu Nov 22, 2012 1:11 pm

Cittasanto wrote:maybe there are other things at play and he doesn't feel he can talk to you at the moment? or maybe he is not realising what he is doing?

try not to put to much thought into why, but try to develop wholesome states of mind.
either way you have a good source of experience here on DW.


You are of course a wonderful example of supportive Sangha!

I just know this particular monk and he is often online and always replies - sorry I don't buy into the mysterious silence angle. A polite email explaining wouldn't take 10 seconds to send.

I am trying not to let it bother me I really am - cognitive Restructuring and all that :smile:

We'll see....
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Re: Feeling a llittle negative (but don't want to)

Postby Cittasanto » Thu Nov 22, 2012 5:42 pm

Beautiful Breath wrote:
Cittasanto wrote:maybe there are other things at play and he doesn't feel he can talk to you at the moment? or maybe he is not realising what he is doing?

try not to put to much thought into why, but try to develop wholesome states of mind.
either way you have a good source of experience here on DW.


You are of course a wonderful example of supportive Sangha!

I just know this particular monk and he is often online and always replies - sorry I don't buy into the mysterious silence angle. A polite email explaining wouldn't take 10 seconds to send.

I am trying not to let it bother me I really am - cognitive Restructuring and all that :smile:

We'll see....

but how long would it take to write?

when we do not know the truth of the matter it is better to have a theory that doesn't lead to negative mental states and proliferations than one that does. whether you buy into something or not it still could be true and better to be open for any explanation than closing of possibilities.
This offering maybe right, or wrong, but it is one, the other, both, or neither!
With Metta
Upāsaka Cittasanto
Blog, - Some Suttas Translated, Ajahn Chah.
"Others will misconstrue reality due to their personal perspectives, doggedly holding onto and not easily discarding them; We shall not misconstrue reality due to our own personal perspectives, nor doggedly holding onto them, but will discard them easily. This effacement shall be done."
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Re: Feeling a llittle negative (but don't want to)

Postby Kamran » Thu Nov 22, 2012 7:08 pm

It seems that you feel entitled to guidance but perhaps you have to earn that over a long period of time. THeravadan culture is not western culture. Also, I think we all tend to convert our personal preferences, in this case your preference that the monk reply to you, into absolutistic demands (he should reply to you!). This is irrational in my opinion.
When this concentration is thus developed, thus well developed by you, then wherever you go, you will go in comfort. Wherever you stand, you will stand in comfort. Wherever you sit, you will sit in comfort. Wherever you lie down, you will lie down in comfort.
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Re: Feeling a llittle negative (but don't want to)

Postby Beautiful Breath » Sun Nov 25, 2012 8:01 pm

I was only after some advice. Nothing more. 'Theravadin' Culture??? Its England in the 21st Century. Thats being rational!

Anyway, not to worry... :anjali:
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Re: Feeling a llittle negative (but don't want to)

Postby Yana » Mon Nov 26, 2012 6:47 am

Dear BB,

Have you tried talking to him about this directly :smile:
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Re: Feeling a llittle negative (but don't want to)

Postby Beautiful Breath » Mon Nov 26, 2012 12:28 pm

No, really didn't want to get into something that might disturb (either of ours) practice. I guess its just me reading too much into it. Just seems after some very helpful and in depth conversations it dried up suddenly. Anyway, I don't want to sound like a jilted teenager or anything :jumping:

In the meantime I will post in here regarding the questions I was going to ask him.

Thanks again for your support!

:bow:
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