at the past i watched pervertions in porn. and i also made pervertions. when i practiced celibacy for 7 or 8 months it was very good, very peaceful. but after these months i felt that i very miss the pervertions. so i got sadness and i leaved celbacy. it was not the simple sex which i missed...
i feel that pervertions are only poisons to the mind and pervertions can make stronger clinging than simple sex. i decided i try a new celibacy life now. i leaved the pervert things so hard, i felt i have a strong clinging to them. especially when i meditated and pervertions came very strong. then my mind was full of lust. then i did asubha but the lust returned again and again and again..... so i know it, when people is full of lust and feel very strong clinging.
Maybe it will be a good strategy if i will meet with very strong lust again and then i will do asubha. and i will do asubha again whenever the lust return. and i will don't give up. anybody experienced what i told? how do you control the very strong lust which is return again and again?
celibacy is harder if someone clinging to pervertions
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martinfrank
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Re: celibacy is harder if someone clinging to pervertions
Dear Wolf
The reflections on Dead Bodies are meant for monks under the guidance of a teacher. This is not a good idea for lay people. It will unbalance you.
Bhante Dhammika writes in "Broken Buddha"...
Relax regarding sex! Look at sex as "fun" for lay people and concentrate on not harming other beings through sex. For lay people it is normal to have sex. Buddhism doesn't teach that one sort of sex is better than another. It's all attachments and creating more attachments. There is no sin in Buddhism, just wholesome and unwholesome activities, skillful behavior and less skillful behavior.
The way to manage your sexual urge and desire is to relax and concentrate on wholesome thoughts and activities. If you fill your days with wholesome activities, you'll be able to balance the wholesome and the less wholesome in your life. Avoid drugs and alcohol, go to sleep in time and get up in time. If the Internet is the trouble maker in your life, don't let your day run into open-ended Internet surfing. Watch how it happens that things get out of hand and try to plan your day to avoid what you want to avoid.
To strengthen the positive things in your life helps more than to live with a long list of DON'Ts. Sex is the strongest urge in a human being. If you want to control the sex urge, you have to guard your senses and control your thoughts. This is a tough job for somebody who has a busy life (and almost more tough for somebody who has nothing to do).
Please read Bhante Dhammika's essay about "Buddhism and Sex":
http://www.bhantedhammika.net/buddhism- ... sm-and-sex
Many Western young male Buddhists (I have no idea whether you are male or Western or young) try to be ascetics before they are monks. I did it too. It is not a particularly good idea. It is better to go through lay Buddhist life smiling, with generosity and compassion rather than to be a proud, belligerent, joyless almost-monk.
The Middle Way is not torturing others and not torturing yourself. Perversions... Human sexuality is complex. Sex never makes sense. If you don't harm other beings, there is nothing to worry about.
May you and all beings be happy!
Martin
The reflections on Dead Bodies are meant for monks under the guidance of a teacher. This is not a good idea for lay people. It will unbalance you.
Bhante Dhammika writes in "Broken Buddha"...
Meditate on anicca (impermanent), anatta (doesn't belong to me) and dukkha (painful) regarding your body and your mind without going into gruesome details.I personally know of numerous cases in Singapore and Malaysia where this has ended up having disastrous consequences for the people who practiced it on the instruction of monks.
Relax regarding sex! Look at sex as "fun" for lay people and concentrate on not harming other beings through sex. For lay people it is normal to have sex. Buddhism doesn't teach that one sort of sex is better than another. It's all attachments and creating more attachments. There is no sin in Buddhism, just wholesome and unwholesome activities, skillful behavior and less skillful behavior.
The way to manage your sexual urge and desire is to relax and concentrate on wholesome thoughts and activities. If you fill your days with wholesome activities, you'll be able to balance the wholesome and the less wholesome in your life. Avoid drugs and alcohol, go to sleep in time and get up in time. If the Internet is the trouble maker in your life, don't let your day run into open-ended Internet surfing. Watch how it happens that things get out of hand and try to plan your day to avoid what you want to avoid.
To strengthen the positive things in your life helps more than to live with a long list of DON'Ts. Sex is the strongest urge in a human being. If you want to control the sex urge, you have to guard your senses and control your thoughts. This is a tough job for somebody who has a busy life (and almost more tough for somebody who has nothing to do).
Please read Bhante Dhammika's essay about "Buddhism and Sex":
http://www.bhantedhammika.net/buddhism- ... sm-and-sex
Many Western young male Buddhists (I have no idea whether you are male or Western or young) try to be ascetics before they are monks. I did it too. It is not a particularly good idea. It is better to go through lay Buddhist life smiling, with generosity and compassion rather than to be a proud, belligerent, joyless almost-monk.
The Middle Way is not torturing others and not torturing yourself. Perversions... Human sexuality is complex. Sex never makes sense. If you don't harm other beings, there is nothing to worry about.
May you and all beings be happy!
Martin
The Noble Eightfold Path: Proposed to all, imposed on none.
Re: celibacy is harder if someone clinging to pervertions
martinfrank wrote:Dear Wolf
The reflections on Dead Bodies are meant for monks under the guidance of a teacher. This is not a good idea for lay people. It will unbalance you.
Bhante Dhammika writes in "Broken Buddha"...
Meditate on anicca (impermanent), anatta (doesn't belong to me) and dukkha (painful) regarding your body and your mind without going into gruesome details.I personally know of numerous cases in Singapore and Malaysia where this has ended up having disastrous consequences for the people who practiced it on the instruction of monks.
Relax regarding sex! Look at sex as "fun" for lay people and concentrate on not harming other beings through sex. For lay people it is normal to have sex. Buddhism doesn't teach that one sort of sex is better than another. It's all attachments and creating more attachments. There is no sin in Buddhism, just wholesome and unwholesome activities, skillful behavior and less skillful behavior.
The way to manage your sexual urge and desire is to relax and concentrate on wholesome thoughts and activities. If you fill your days with wholesome activities, you'll be able to balance the wholesome and the less wholesome in your life. Avoid drugs and alcohol, go to sleep in time and get up in time. If the Internet is the trouble maker in your life, don't let your day run into open-ended Internet surfing. Watch how it happens that things get out of hand and try to plan your day to avoid what you want to avoid.
To strengthen the positive things in your life helps more than to live with a long list of DON'Ts. Sex is the strongest urge in a human being. If you want to control the sex urge, you have to guard your senses and control your thoughts. This is a tough job for somebody who has a busy life (and almost more tough for somebody who has nothing to do).
Please read Bhante Dhammika's essay about "Buddhism and Sex":
http://www.bhantedhammika.net/buddhism- ... sm-and-sex
Many Western young male Buddhists (I have no idea whether you are male or Western or young) try to be ascetics before they are monks. I did it too. It is not a particularly good idea. It is better to go through lay Buddhist life smiling, with generosity and compassion rather than to be a proud, belligerent, joyless almost-monk.
The Middle Way is not torturing others and not torturing yourself. Perversions... Human sexuality is complex. Sex never makes sense. If you don't harm other beings, there is nothing to worry about.
May you and all beings be happy!
Martin
I need to quote the whole post, dear martin, since it is excellent. Very very good posting
Often people who are new to buddhism and in particular ! Theravada buddhism (and since they are new they are lay people) overdo so much of the Buddhas teaching. It is crucial to know that not every saying, teaching or advice that the buddha gave was adressed to lay people. I did not count them yet, but it appears most of the teachings are adressed towards Monks and Nuns or ascetics of other sects. My advise to any lay - male or female doesn't matter - is to: RELAX. If you do not experience joy while practicing, something is wrong. If you only can experience joy in life by practicing your unspecified "perversions" then something is wrong too. (And if these "perversions" mean that you force something onto others that they do not agree to: stop it right now and look for help!)
In a way it is very simple: do good, refrain from doing bad. Now for the hard part: to know what is good or what is bad - besides the buddhas advice to lay people in practicing, training, investigating the 5 precepts - one needs to look inwards, without judging. A judging faultfinding mind is not the buddhas teaching. As Martin said: there are skilfull deeds and thoughts and unskilfull deeds and thoughts. It is you who has to do the investigation. With an open mind, an open heart, without surpressing anything but to KNOW your attachments. There are no sins. If you are attached to the internet don't get rid of your laptop right away. Limit the usage, set yourself goals and make a vow such as "X hours a day I surf the web" and stick to it. Develop your strength to renounce step by step. Don't become a fanatic or you will suffer very intensely. If your attachment to sexuality is that strong don't give up sex from one day to the other. Don't practice what monastics practice, especially when you are living in a relationship. Asubha practices are effective - but in the same way dangerous. Humble yourself, it sounds as if your wisdom faculty is not as developed as they should be to take up such a strong and delicate practice.
I've got nothing more to say I'm afraid but be careful, do not hurt others, do not harm other beings, do not harm yourself. And meditate and enjoy the bliss of peace.
I guess you need more peace and joy in your life. I hope you will develop soon.
Get the wanting out of waiting
What does womanhood matter at all, when the mind is concentrated well, when knowledge flows on steadily as one sees correctly into Dhamma. One to whom it might occur, ‘I am a woman’ or ‘I am a man’ or ‘I’m anything at all’ is fit for Mara to address. – SN 5.2
If they take what's yours, tell yourself that you're making it a gift.
Otherwise there will be no end to the animosity. - Ajahn Fuang Jotiko
https://www.youtube.com/user/Repeataarrr
What does womanhood matter at all, when the mind is concentrated well, when knowledge flows on steadily as one sees correctly into Dhamma. One to whom it might occur, ‘I am a woman’ or ‘I am a man’ or ‘I’m anything at all’ is fit for Mara to address. – SN 5.2
If they take what's yours, tell yourself that you're making it a gift.
Otherwise there will be no end to the animosity. - Ajahn Fuang Jotiko
https://www.youtube.com/user/Repeataarrr
Re: celibacy is harder if someone clinging to pervertions
I think this is good advice. Keep your mind on better things; that's the first strategy in MN 20. And from MN 19: "Bhikkhus, whatever a bhikkhu frequently thinks and ponders upon, that will become the inclination of his mind."martinfrank wrote:The way to manage your sexual urge and desire is to relax and concentrate on wholesome thoughts and activities. If you fill your days with wholesome activities, you'll be able to balance the wholesome and the less wholesome in your life. Avoid drugs and alcohol, go to sleep in time and get up in time.
Living a more ascetic life as a householder doesn't automatically mean one will become proud, belligerent, and joyless. It's not true for everybody. Priorities change for a person so although it may not be feasible now, it can work later. At the very least, don't throw living a more ascetic lifestyle into the category of "never" but keep it open as a possibility.martinfrank wrote:Many Western young male Buddhists (I have no idea whether you are male or Western or young) try to be ascetics before they are monks. I did it too. It is not a particularly good idea. It is better to go through lay Buddhist life smiling, with generosity and compassion rather than to be a proud, belligerent, joyless almost-monk.
Namo tassa bhagavato arahato samma sambuddhassa
Namo tassa bhagavato arahato samma sambuddhassa
Namo tassa bhagavato arahato samma sambuddhassa
Namo tassa bhagavato arahato samma sambuddhassa
Namo tassa bhagavato arahato samma sambuddhassa
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martinfrank
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Re: celibacy is harder if someone clinging to pervertions
Dear JamesMkoll wrote: Living a more ascetic life as a householder doesn't automatically mean one will become proud, belligerent, and joyless. It's not true for everybody. Priorities change for a person so although it may not be feasible now, it can work later. At the very least, don't throw living a more ascetic lifestyle into the category of "never" but keep it open as a possibility.
You are right! There are also proud, belligerent and joyless armchair Buddhists... and happy, smiling, joyful lay Buddhists who sleep on the floor, meditate all full moon night, don't eat in the afternoon, live celibate, poor, humble...
I was wrong, thank you for correcting me.
Martin
The Noble Eightfold Path: Proposed to all, imposed on none.