Tips For Meditation After A Tragedy?

[soapy3]

Have you ever lost anyone who was particularly important to you?

I've lost some people in different ways at different times of my life. Some non-immediate relatives have died. My long time childhood friend decided to stop talking to me after we used to hang out daily for the first 11 or so years of our lives. I've lost lovers both from inevitable demise in the relationship to just straight up leaving to another city with no explanation after considerable time together. I've not lost anyone in my immediate family to death yet so perhaps I should not be giving advice on loss via death,

Thank you for being honest. No insult intended, but "having been there" makes a huge difference in understanding. Having people leave your life is painful, it isn't the same as having a person who has been a significant part of your life, all your life, die. To answer you question, I am better now ( though still a long way off from recovered ). A web board is not the best place to go when someone is dealing with a heavy emotional deal like a tragedy. Sometimes though, it is all some people have in a moment. In those situations I think it is best not to point someone to a list of hints. Have a great Weekend.

[soapy3]

Perhaps this teaching from Ajahn Brahm will be helpful to you as he has far more wisdom than I.

phpBB .

Thank You.

I am a huge Ajahn Brahm fan. I have bookmarked this and will listen to it later. I can't tell you how many hours of talks of his I have listened to wandering around my town late at night during the summer when it all started. I would be done with Theravada if it wasn't for him.

[soapy3]

Hi Sanjay,

Thank you for the nice post.

Tragedies can be like the tornadoes that pull us down , yet at the same time , they can teach us so much more than what we could have ever imagined , provided we open our hearts to this tearing away , which is an inevitable truth that we so dearly like to deny .

I now understand every inch of reality behind those words.

I have lost my brother , my mother, my sister and their lives and living were filled with pain . This pain is universal , and is within us , in the guise of both the pleasant as well as the unpleasant.

I am very sorry to hear that. I am at an age where time goes by very quickly. I keep thinking that the people who are trying to comfort me over my fathers death now will also be out of my life soon enough. I project into the future and it makes me feel worse. I know that is an irrational and unhelpful thing to do. A lot of the distress from those thoughts are powered by my emotions from the present.

Hence , it may be unfair on your part to compare the previous chapters of your life and living, when things were apparently going well , with the helter skelter that seemingly is on going now .

That is the tough part. It is one thing to philosphize about death for most of your life, but things are quite different when it becomes an emotional reality. A significant death really tests you, showing you what you truly believe and what you truly accept at a gut level. I've learned that despite years of Buddhism I do not accept death, nor impermanence. Part of me still think those "previous chapters of your life" are the real deal and that those times can be hung onto. Of course, that is making the pain worse. I don't wan to accept seeing things I love change and go away. I don't want to accept people I know dying and (subjectively) soon.

I recall once meeting a gentleman who was dedicatedly serving a 20 day long course , and at the end of the course , he came and exchanged a few pleasantries . His words still echo in my mind , saying that he was never as happy as he is now, after having finally understood death and parting.

The gentleman mentioned that he sought every help in calming the storm , from various ISKCON devotional living to counseling , however , none even touched the tip of the pain . Finally he came to know of a 10 day course that unabashedly dwelled on death and dying . He did the course , still there were issues , however, a bell rung within , and he continued doing courses , and finally life brought on its true meaning . Unreservedly the gentleman said , " what i earlier thought was true bliss and happiness , i know now was actually ignorance , today i can say that i am truly happy , and i am grateful to my wife and children , although it was a cost that had left me unprepared ."

What is ISKON? What was the 10 day course that turned things around for him? One of Goenka's retreats?

[Bhikkhu Pesala]

Google is your friend:

ISKON is the Hare Krishna movement.

[soapy3]

Google is your friend:

The background I come from, LMGTFY is just a more modern, slightly less rude/aggressive version of RTFMing someone. That isn't really something I find useful these days recovering from a death in the family, the ending of a relationship, and several months of sleep/anxiety issues.

Venerable, you have my respect, no matter what, given your position.

ISKON is the Hare Krishna movement.

Thank you.

[Sanjay PS]

I recall once meeting a gentleman who was dedicatedly serving a 20 day long course , and at the end of the course , he came and exchanged a few pleasantries . His words still echo in my mind , saying that he was never as happy as he is now, after having finally understood death and parting.

The gentleman mentioned that he sought every help in calming the storm , from various ISKCON devotional living to counseling , however , none even touched the tip of the pain . Finally he came to know of a 10 day course that unabashedly dwelled on death and dying . He did the course , still there were issues , however, a bell rung within , and he continued doing courses , and finally life brought on its true meaning . Unreservedly the gentleman said , " what i earlier thought was true bliss and happiness , i know now was actually ignorance , today i can say that i am truly happy , and i am grateful to my wife and children , although it was a cost that had left me unprepared ."


What is ISKON? What was the 10 day course that turned things around for him? One of Goenka's retreats?

Hi Soapy ,

It actually is not the 10 day course that turns things around ; it is more of a realization that we have suffered enough and more pain by clinging and in not letting go, that gradually gets the turn around, of course the environment in which this pristinely pure wisdom blooms forth , matters greatly .

Enough is enough , has the gentle yet powerful wisdom in allowing the drops of salt roll down the cheeks , less the melodrama of a self... .............; the courses that the gentleman continued doing in spite of feeling all kinds of aversion at first, are the Goenkaji retreats.

Please do continue practicing Sila , Samadhi and Panna , it is inevitable that our lives will gradually improve for the better should these 3 foundations be kept strong and healthy.There are no magic cures , but acknowledging our shortcomings is a sure shot way of letting the cure begin .

sanjay

[soapy3]

Thanks for th kind thought out, personal answer instead of just shooting a link at me or making a joke out of it as if I am not a real person with real emotions.

Have a good weekend.