The Social Expectations that Stifle Ordination

[bga]

Hello friends,
Over the past few years (since I started learning about Buddhism) I have had the desire to ordain. This urge has grown stronger over the past year as worldy attainments grow more and more unappealing. This in part has been perpetuated by my education, as I am currently a college student working towards my Bachelor's degree. The attainment of education is not what bothers me, but rather the expectation to get a degree in order to make money, get married, have children, etc. My aspiration is to renounce, to 'go forth' into homelessness, but I am still struggling with the social expectations placed on me by my family to 'make something of myself' and contribute to society. This is in no way what I wish for myself. Is anyone else having this difficulty? If so, how did you deal with it? Any other comments/advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

[Dhammanando]

My aspiration is to renounce, to 'go forth' into homelessness, but I am still struggling with the social expectations placed on me by my family to 'make something of myself' and contribute to society.

Do you mean that you are struggling in your conscience because you think your family may have a point? Or do you mean that it’s a struggle to put up with your family badgering you about it?

[bga]

Do you mean that you are struggling in your conscience because you think your family may have a point? Or do you mean that it’s a struggle to put up with your family badgering you about it?

I mean that my family has difficulty understanding my desire to ordain, which is something that weighs heavily on me in that they feel that being a monastic is not 'contributing' to society. I have explained that as a monastic you contribute by teaching the dhamma, but obviously this is seen as not being practical in the same way a doctor (for example) contributes to society.

Does this make sense?

[Dhammanando]

Does this make sense?

Yes, it makes sense. I didn't have any such problems with my own parents, but in those cases where western monastics are afflicted with parental badgering it's usually a short-term problem, with the parents fairly soon becoming reconciled to their child's choice.

[bga]

Thank you for your help.
Bhante, you ordained when you were quite young, is that correct? How did you make the decision to ordain? If I might ask.

[Dhammanando]

Bhante, you ordained when you were quite young, is that correct? How did you make the decision to ordain? If I might ask.

Yes, I was 18 when I ordained for the first time and 38 the second time. On neither occasion was there very much thought behind the decision. There was just nothing else that I wanted to do.

[Mkoll]

There was just nothing else that I wanted to do.

Well said, Bhante.

[hermitwin]

I have the same problem ie my family doesnt understand/object.
I believe you have to follow your heart.
Try it , if it doesnt suit you , you can always quit.

There is a story about how rare it is to be born a human and hear the dhamma.

It is rare to be reborn in the realm of human beings because this requires great ... In the Mahaparinirvana Sutra, the Buddha used the metaphor of a blind turtle in a vast ocean ... Suppose there is a small piece of wood floating on a vast ocean.

[Kumara]

My aspiration is to renounce, to 'go forth' into homelessness, but I am still struggling with the social expectations placed on me by my family to 'make something of myself' and contribute to society. This is in no way what I wish for myself. Is anyone else having this difficulty? If so, how did you deal with it?

Mine had nothing to do with "contributing to society", though my father did say I should make myself financially secure first. Of course that's absurd, since I don't need to be financially secure to become a monk! My mother however was honest in her rejection: No.

While I can't say for sure in your case, the real reason for them to reject need not be what they tell you. Your mum could be thinking about her own future. Your dad could be worried about your mum's feelings.

In any case, here's my advice:

• Be clear about what you want—the clearer the better—without insisting on when and how.
• Never argue with them over the matter (or anything else). They are your parents. Give them due respect.
• Talk/hint about it, when appropriate situations present themselves.

That's how I got the permission 1.5 years later.