Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Post sayings and stories you find interesting or useful.

Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Postby yawares » Sun Feb 03, 2013 12:56 pm

Dear Members,

This super cold half-moon Uposatha Day I read an amazing story, in this story the Buddha called for Sujata to brought to him and delivered a Theravada teaching, which became famous, on the proper conduct of wives....please let me share with you all.

Image

*************
:candle: Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives :candle:
[www.buddhanet.net and Dhammapada Thai version]

Sujata came from a wealthy family and was married to the son of Anathapindika. She was arrogant, did not respect others and did not like to listen to the instructions of her husband and his parents. As a result of her attitude there was trouble in the family every day.

One day, when the Buddha visited the house of Anathapindika, he heard an unusual uproar in the house and asked what it was about.

Anathapindika replied, "Lord, it is Sujata, my daughter-in-law. She does not listen to her mother-in-law, her father-in-law or to her husband. She does not even honour nor pay respect to the Exalted One."

The Buddha called Sujata to him and spoke kindly to her, "Sujata, there are seven types of wives a man may have. Which of them are you?"

Then the Buddha spoke of seven types of wife. The first three kinds would go to hell. And the last four kinds would go to Nimmanarati Heaven after death.

"What are the seven types of wives, Venerable Sir?" asked Sujata.

1."Sujata, there are bad and undesirable wives (The destructive-wife) . There is a wife who is troublesome. She is wicked, bad tempered, pitiless, and not faithful to her husband."

2."There is a wife who is like a thief (The thievish-wife) . She wastes the money earned by her husband."

3."There is a wife who is like a master (The mistress-wife) . She is lazy, and thinks only about herself. She is cruel and lacking in compassion, always scolding her husband or gossiping."

----

4."Sujata, there are the good and praiseworthy wives. There is a wife who is like a mother (The motherly-wife) . She is kind and compassionate and treats her husband like her son and is careful with his money."

5."There is a wife who is like a sister (The sisterly-wife) . She is respectful towards her husband, just as a younger sister to her brother, she is modest and obedient to her husband's wishes."

6."There is a wife who is like a friend (The friend-wife) . She rejoices at the sight of her husband, just like a friend who has not seen her friend for a long time. She is of noble birth, virtuous and faithful."

7. "There is a wife who is like a handmaid (The slave-wife) . She behaves as an understanding wife when her shortcomings are pointed out. She remains calm and does not show any anger although her husband uses some harsh words. She is obedient to her husband's wishes."

The Blessed one asked, "Sujata, which type of wife are you like, or would you wish to be like?"

Hearing these words of the Blessed One, Sujata was ashamed of her past conduct and said, "From today onwards, let the Exalted One think of me as the one in the last example for I'll be a good and understanding wife."

She changed her behaviour and became her husband's helper, and together they worked towards enlightenment.

******
:heart: Love Buddha's dhamma,
yawares/tidathep :heart:
User avatar
yawares
 
Posts: 1532
Joined: Fri Mar 09, 2012 3:23 pm

Re: Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Postby plwk » Sun Feb 03, 2013 1:37 pm

4."Sujata, there are the good and praiseworthy wives. There is a wife who is like a mother (The motherly-wife) . She is kind and compassionate and treats her husband like her son and is careful with his money."
Boy, now I know why my dad is henpecked... my mom treats him like me! :tongue: :lol:
Bhikkhus, if you develop and make much this one thing,
it invariably leads to weariness, cessation, appeasement, realization and extinction.
What is it? It is recollecting the Enlightened One.
If this single thing is recollected and made much,
it invariably leads to weariness, cessation, appeasement, realization and extinction.

Anguttara-Nikaya: Ekanipata: Ekadhammapali: Pañhamavagga
VSM VMM WBB TBHT WTBT My Page
plwk
 
Posts: 1165
Joined: Mon Mar 01, 2010 5:14 am

Re: Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Postby James the Giant » Mon Feb 04, 2013 12:23 am

Ah, just what every religion needs - a scripture reinforcing the traditional subservient position of women.
Then,
saturated with joy,
you will put an end to suffering and stress.
SN 9.11
User avatar
James the Giant
 
Posts: 785
Joined: Sat Oct 17, 2009 6:41 am

Re: Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Postby nibbuti » Mon Feb 04, 2013 12:34 am

James the Giant wrote:Ah, just what every religion needs - a scripture reinforcing the traditional subservient position of women.

Quite the opposite, nothing wrong with a wife who is like a sister or a friend.

Also, the Buddha stated elsewhere that in a healthy household the wife is or should be the one who has the last word and the man must comply.

Regards
nibbuti
 
Posts: 155
Joined: Mon Sep 03, 2012 11:36 pm
Location: Germany

Re: Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Postby James the Giant » Mon Feb 04, 2013 3:19 am

nibbuti wrote:
James the Giant wrote:Ah, just what every religion needs - a scripture reinforcing the traditional subservient position of women.

Quite the opposite, nothing wrong with a wife who is like a sister or a friend.

Also, the Buddha stated elsewhere that in a healthy household the wife is or should be the one who has the last word and the man must comply.

Regards

I think you missed the part above where the sutta says - twice- she "is obedient to her husbands wishes"
Then,
saturated with joy,
you will put an end to suffering and stress.
SN 9.11
User avatar
James the Giant
 
Posts: 785
Joined: Sat Oct 17, 2009 6:41 am

Re: Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Postby plwk » Mon Feb 04, 2013 3:20 am

Ah, just what every religion needs - a scripture reinforcing the traditional subservient position of women.

Quite the opposite, nothing wrong with a wife who is like a sister or a friend.

Also, the Buddha stated elsewhere that in a healthy household the wife is or should be the one who has the last word and the man must comply.

Regards
I bet Christians and the Muslims would have flipped at that...
Bhikkhus, if you develop and make much this one thing,
it invariably leads to weariness, cessation, appeasement, realization and extinction.
What is it? It is recollecting the Enlightened One.
If this single thing is recollected and made much,
it invariably leads to weariness, cessation, appeasement, realization and extinction.

Anguttara-Nikaya: Ekanipata: Ekadhammapali: Pañhamavagga
VSM VMM WBB TBHT WTBT My Page
plwk
 
Posts: 1165
Joined: Mon Mar 01, 2010 5:14 am

Re: Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Postby shaunc » Mon Feb 04, 2013 8:47 am

James the Giant wrote:Ah, just what every religion needs - a scripture reinforcing the traditional subservient position of women.

This advice may not be flavour of the month in western culture, but every team has to have a captain & every business has to have a boss. Marriage is a partnership & like any other partnership every person has to know what their role is. A football team wouldn't work too well if every player in it was the full-back,
shaunc
 
Posts: 33
Joined: Mon Jan 07, 2013 5:50 am

Re: Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Postby James the Giant » Mon Feb 04, 2013 10:51 am

shaunc wrote: This advice may not be flavour of the month in western culture, but every team has to have a captain & every business has to have a boss. Marriage is a partnership & like any other partnership every person has to know what their role is. A football team wouldn't work too well if every player in it was the full-back,

Yeah, I understand what you are saying. I guess women just have to accept that they are second class citizens, and go back to the kitchen where they belong.



:stirthepot:
Then,
saturated with joy,
you will put an end to suffering and stress.
SN 9.11
User avatar
James the Giant
 
Posts: 785
Joined: Sat Oct 17, 2009 6:41 am

Re: Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Postby nibbuti » Mon Feb 04, 2013 12:29 pm

James the Giant wrote:I think you missed the part above where the sutta says - twice- she "is obedient to her husbands wishes"

No, I just don't take every translation and tradition for granted.

Elsewhere I've read a milder variation of the same sentence; and likewise the other way round, where the husband has to support his wife's wishes in order to be a "good husband".

Perhaps we should look deeper and not take conventional (worldly, moralistic) teachings too literally.

Regards
nibbuti
 
Posts: 155
Joined: Mon Sep 03, 2012 11:36 pm
Location: Germany

Re: Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Postby Sokehi » Mon Feb 04, 2013 1:26 pm

I don't expect a 2500 year old tradition to be absolutely politically correct no matter what the current Zeitgeist is.
Get the wanting out of waiting

What does womanhood matter at all, when the mind is concentrated well, when knowledge flows on steadily as one sees correctly into Dhamma. One to whom it might occur, ‘I am a woman’ or ‘I am a man’ or ‘I’m anything at all’ is fit for Mara to address. – SN 5.2

If they take what's yours, tell yourself that you're making it a gift.
Otherwise there will be no end to the animosity. - Ajahn Fuang Jotiko

https://www.youtube.com/user/Repeataarrr
User avatar
Sokehi
 
Posts: 405
Joined: Sat Jun 16, 2012 4:27 pm
Location: Germany

Re: Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Postby gendun » Mon Feb 04, 2013 1:30 pm

Neither do I.
Neither do I expect anachronistic claptrap from an ancient age to be foisted on the modern world no matter who is supposed to have said it.
Appalling.
Sokehi wrote:I don't expect a 2500 year old tradition to be absolutely politically correct no matter what the current Zeitgeist is.
Gendun P. Brownlow.
Karma Kagyu student.
gendun
 
Posts: 69
Joined: Tue Jan 08, 2013 10:49 am
Location: Guildford UK

Re: Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Postby Sokehi » Mon Feb 04, 2013 1:38 pm

gendun wrote:Neither do I.
Neither do I expect anachronistic claptrap from an ancient age to be foisted on the modern world no matter who is supposed to have said it.
Appalling.
Sokehi wrote:I don't expect a 2500 year old tradition to be absolutely politically correct no matter what the current Zeitgeist is.


Indeed. I think one should focus on parts of the teaching that actually help people to increase their and others wellbeing. I'm not a buddhist. I don't know what that actually means. I'm interested in practicing the dhamma, but if it comes to my personal relationships I won't behave like a raja from ancient india just because it did fit the customs back then.

regards.
Get the wanting out of waiting

What does womanhood matter at all, when the mind is concentrated well, when knowledge flows on steadily as one sees correctly into Dhamma. One to whom it might occur, ‘I am a woman’ or ‘I am a man’ or ‘I’m anything at all’ is fit for Mara to address. – SN 5.2

If they take what's yours, tell yourself that you're making it a gift.
Otherwise there will be no end to the animosity. - Ajahn Fuang Jotiko

https://www.youtube.com/user/Repeataarrr
User avatar
Sokehi
 
Posts: 405
Joined: Sat Jun 16, 2012 4:27 pm
Location: Germany

Re: Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Postby gendun » Mon Feb 04, 2013 1:45 pm

If I were not a Buddhist such nonsense would probably make me think twice about exploring any further. As it is I know for a fact that it does not represent the modern Buddhist majority who have re-evaluated their relationships just as most thinking people have in western culture.
And that the idea that " a wife" will go to hell for mismanagement of " her husbands " money ( for example ) is happily consigned to the dust bin for most.

:anjali:
Last edited by gendun on Mon Feb 04, 2013 2:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Gendun P. Brownlow.
Karma Kagyu student.
gendun
 
Posts: 69
Joined: Tue Jan 08, 2013 10:49 am
Location: Guildford UK

Re: Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Postby Khalil Bodhi » Mon Feb 04, 2013 1:59 pm

The suttas are nonsense? Have we considered the possibility that our interpretation of the foregoing may be flawed or even, dare I say, our conceptions of how things "should be" is not necessarily correct? I understand some may not give primacy to the Pali canon in the way that I do but I would proceed with caution when criticizing the Buddhadhamma.
To avoid all evil, to cultivate good, and to cleanse one's mind — this is the teaching of the Buddhas.
-Dhp. 183

Uposatha Observance Club:http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=148031379279&v=info
Kiva-Theravada Buddhists:http://www.kiva.org/team/theravada_buddhists
Dana on the Interwebs:
http://greatergood.com
http://freerice.com
User avatar
Khalil Bodhi
 
Posts: 1647
Joined: Tue Feb 03, 2009 6:32 pm
Location: NYC

Re: Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Postby gendun » Mon Feb 04, 2013 2:06 pm

If sir the idea that women have prescribed roles like that of "wife," and that women who spend their husbands money recklessly are bound for hell are given creedance in the Theravada's idea of the Buddha's teaching then I am in the wrong place.

:anjali:

Thanks for the hospitality.
Gendun P. Brownlow.
Karma Kagyu student.
gendun
 
Posts: 69
Joined: Tue Jan 08, 2013 10:49 am
Location: Guildford UK

Re: Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Postby yawares » Mon Feb 04, 2013 3:04 pm

Dear Members,

Image

Buddha's advice/dhamma truly work for my family, my husband/daughter love me so very much. We love/trust each other. We have happy family-life. That's why we so love the Buddhas/Dhamma :heart:

Husband and Wife
[www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/dhammananda/marriage]


According to Buddhist teaching, in a marriage, the husband can expect the following qualities from his wife:
— love
— attentiveness
— family obligations
— faithfulness
— child-care
— thrift
— the provision of meals
— to calm him down when he is upset
— sweetness in everything

In return, the wife's expectation from husband is:
— tenderness
— courtesy
— sociability
— security
— fairness
— loyalty
— honesty
— good companionship
— moral support

Apart from these emotional and sensual aspects, the couple will have to take care of day-to-day living conditions, family budget and social obligations. Thus, mutual consultations between the husband and wife on all family problems would help to create an atmosphere of trust and understanding in resolving whatever issues that may arise.

The Husband

The Buddha, in reply to a householder as to how a husband should minister to his wife declared that the husband should always honor and respect his wife, by being faithful to her, by giving her the requisite authority to manage domestic affairs and by giving her befitting ornaments. This advice, given over twenty five centuries ago, still stands good for today.

Knowing the psychology of the man who tends to consider himself superior, the Buddha made a remarkable change and uplifted the status of a woman by a simple suggestion that a husband should honor and respect his wife. A husband should be faithful to his wife, which means that a husband should fulfill and maintain his marital obligations to his wife thus sustaining the confidence in the marital relationship in every sense of the word. The husband, being a bread-winner, would invariably stay away from home, hence he should entrust the domestic or household duties to the wife who should be considered as the keeper and the distributor of the property and the home economic-administrator. The provision of befitting ornaments to the wife should be symbolic of the husband's love, care and attention showered on the wife. This symbolic practice has been carried out from time immemorial in Buddhist communities.

************
Image

:heart: Love Buddha's dhamma :heart:
yawares/tep/sirikanya :anjali:
User avatar
yawares
 
Posts: 1532
Joined: Fri Mar 09, 2012 3:23 pm

Re: Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Postby gendun » Mon Feb 04, 2013 4:24 pm

I find it extraordinary that what started as a ringing declaration of the possibility of Liberation should be reduced to an endorsement of the mundane and bourgeois.
Complete with fixed gender roles and subservience. And conformity enforced by threats of hellfire.
Gendun P. Brownlow.
Karma Kagyu student.
gendun
 
Posts: 69
Joined: Tue Jan 08, 2013 10:49 am
Location: Guildford UK

Re: Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Postby mikenz66 » Mon Feb 04, 2013 6:21 pm

Perhaps it comes down to how one sees the Dhamma. If it is seen as a means to liberation from samasara, then one might worry less about whether it supports particular views of how samsara should be...

:anjali:
Mike
User avatar
mikenz66
 
Posts: 10563
Joined: Sat Jan 10, 2009 7:37 am
Location: New Zealand

Re: Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Postby gendun » Mon Feb 04, 2013 6:26 pm

Even if we view it as a way to somehow improve samsara :? how do fixed gender roles enforced by threat of hell for naughty women aid that ?
Please tell me that the Theravada view of social roles is not in a state of arrested development circa 1960. :( " Sweetness in all things " yuk yuk yuk.
A hundred years of feminism is not about to be set aside in order to incorporate the conventions of an obsolete culture.
Do none of you actually know any western women ?
Gendun P. Brownlow.
Karma Kagyu student.
gendun
 
Posts: 69
Joined: Tue Jan 08, 2013 10:49 am
Location: Guildford UK

Re: Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives

Postby Coyote » Mon Feb 04, 2013 7:15 pm

gendun wrote:Even if we view it as a way to somehow improve samsara :? how do fixed gender roles enforced by threat of hell for naughty women aid that ?
Please tell me that the Theravada view of social roles is not in a state of arrested development circa 1960. :( " Sweetness in all things " yuk yuk yuk.
A hundred years of feminism is not about to be set aside in order to incorporate the conventions of an obsolete culture.
Do none of you actually know any western women ?


The same advice and "threat" is given to lazy, drunken and adulterous husbands if I remember correctly.
Maybe it is the other way around, and it is 21st century conventions that should be set aside? Not only this, but many Buddhist ideals and conventions challenge those of the prevailing culture.
I know plenty of men, not to speak of the women, who would be resistant to Buddhist conventions and ideals.


:anjali:
"If beings knew, as I know, the results of giving & sharing, they would not eat without having given, nor would the stain of miserliness overcome their minds. Even if it were their last bite, their last mouthful, they would not eat without having shared."
Iti 26
Coyote
 
Posts: 543
Joined: Mon Sep 19, 2011 12:42 pm
Location: Wales - UK

Next

Return to Dhammic Stories

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests