Dhamma Wheel Buddhist Forum

Dear Members,

This super cold half-moon Uposatha Day I read an amazing story, in this story the Buddha called for Sujata to brought to him and delivered a Theravada teaching, which became famous, on the proper conduct of wives....please let me share with you all.



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Sujata: The Seven Types Of Wives
[www.buddhanet.net and Dhammapada Thai version]

Sujata came from a wealthy family and was married to the son of Anathapindika. She was arrogant, did not respect others and did not like to listen to the instructions of her husband and his parents. As a result of her attitude there was trouble in the family every day.

One day, when the Buddha visited the house of Anathapindika, he heard an unusual uproar in the house and asked what it was about.

Anathapindika replied, "Lord, it is Sujata, my daughter-in-law. She does not listen to her mother-in-law, her father-in-law or to her husband. She does not even honour nor pay respect to the Exalted One."

The Buddha called Sujata to him and spoke kindly to her, "Sujata, there are seven types of wives a man may have. Which of them are you?"

Then the Buddha spoke of seven types of wife. The first three kinds would go to hell. And the last four kinds would go to Nimmanarati Heaven after death.

"What are the seven types of wives, Venerable Sir?" asked Sujata.

1."Sujata, there are bad and undesirable wives (The destructive-wife) . There is a wife who is troublesome. She is wicked, bad tempered, pitiless, and not faithful to her husband."

2."There is a wife who is like a thief (The thievish-wife) . She wastes the money earned by her husband."

3."There is a wife who is like a master (The mistress-wife) . She is lazy, and thinks only about herself. She is cruel and lacking in compassion, always scolding her husband or gossiping."

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4."Sujata, there are the good and praiseworthy wives. There is a wife who is like a mother (The motherly-wife) . She is kind and compassionate and treats her husband like her son and is careful with his money."

5."There is a wife who is like a sister (The sisterly-wife) . She is respectful towards her husband, just as a younger sister to her brother, she is modest and obedient to her husband's wishes."

6."There is a wife who is like a friend (The friend-wife) . She rejoices at the sight of her husband, just like a friend who has not seen her friend for a long time. She is of noble birth, virtuous and faithful."

7. "There is a wife who is like a handmaid (The slave-wife) . She behaves as an understanding wife when her shortcomings are pointed out. She remains calm and does not show any anger although her husband uses some harsh words. She is obedient to her husband's wishes."

The Blessed one asked, "Sujata, which type of wife are you like, or would you wish to be like?"

Hearing these words of the Blessed One, Sujata was ashamed of her past conduct and said, "From today onwards, let the Exalted One think of me as the one in the last example for I'll be a good and understanding wife."

She changed her behaviour and became her husband's helper, and together they worked towards enlightenment.

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Love Buddha's dhamma,
yawares/tidathep

4."Sujata, there are the good and praiseworthy wives. There is a wife who is like a mother (The motherly-wife) . She is kind and compassionate and treats her husband like her son and is careful with his money."

Boy, now I know why my dad is henpecked... my mom treats him like me!

Ah, just what every religion needs - a scripture reinforcing the traditional subservient position of women.

James the Giant wrote:Ah, just what every religion needs - a scripture reinforcing the traditional subservient position of women.

Quite the opposite, nothing wrong with a wife who is like a sister or a friend.

Also, the Buddha stated elsewhere that in a healthy household the wife is or should be the one who has the last word and the man must comply.

Regards

nibbuti wrote:

James the Giant wrote:Ah, just what every religion needs - a scripture reinforcing the traditional subservient position of women.

Quite the opposite, nothing wrong with a wife who is like a sister or a friend.

Also, the Buddha stated elsewhere that in a healthy household the wife is or should be the one who has the last word and the man must comply.

Regards

I think you missed the part above where the sutta says - twice- she "is obedient to her husbands wishes"

Ah, just what every religion needs - a scripture reinforcing the traditional subservient position of women.

Quite the opposite, nothing wrong with a wife who is like a sister or a friend.

Also, the Buddha stated elsewhere that in a healthy household the wife is or should be the one who has the last word and the man must comply.

Regards

I bet Christians and the Muslims would have flipped at that...

James the Giant wrote:Ah, just what every religion needs - a scripture reinforcing the traditional subservient position of women.

This advice may not be flavour of the month in western culture, but every team has to have a captain & every business has to have a boss. Marriage is a partnership & like any other partnership every person has to know what their role is. A football team wouldn't work too well if every player in it was the full-back,

shaunc wrote: This advice may not be flavour of the month in western culture, but every team has to have a captain & every business has to have a boss. Marriage is a partnership & like any other partnership every person has to know what their role is. A football team wouldn't work too well if every player in it was the full-back,

Yeah, I understand what you are saying. I guess women just have to accept that they are second class citizens, and go back to the kitchen where they belong.

James the Giant wrote:I think you missed the part above where the sutta says - twice- she "is obedient to her husbands wishes"

No, I just don't take every translation and tradition for granted.

Elsewhere I've read a milder variation of the same sentence; and likewise the other way round, where the husband has to support his wife's wishes in order to be a "good husband".

Perhaps we should look deeper and not take conventional (worldly, moralistic) teachings too literally.

Regards

I don't expect a 2500 year old tradition to be absolutely politically correct no matter what the current Zeitgeist is.

Neither do I.
Neither do I expect anachronistic claptrap from an ancient age to be foisted on the modern world no matter who is supposed to have said it.
Appalling.

Sokehi wrote:I don't expect a 2500 year old tradition to be absolutely politically correct no matter what the current Zeitgeist is.

gendun wrote:Neither do I.
Neither do I expect anachronistic claptrap from an ancient age to be foisted on the modern world no matter who is supposed to have said it.
Appalling.

Sokehi wrote:I don't expect a 2500 year old tradition to be absolutely politically correct no matter what the current Zeitgeist is.

Indeed. I think one should focus on parts of the teaching that actually help people to increase their and others wellbeing. I'm not a buddhist. I don't know what that actually means. I'm interested in practicing the dhamma, but if it comes to my personal relationships I won't behave like a raja from ancient india just because it did fit the customs back then.

regards.

If I were not a Buddhist such nonsense would probably make me think twice about exploring any further. As it is I know for a fact that it does not represent the modern Buddhist majority who have re-evaluated their relationships just as most thinking people have in western culture.
And that the idea that " a wife" will go to hell for mismanagement of " her husbands " money ( for example ) is happily consigned to the dust bin for most.

The suttas are nonsense? Have we considered the possibility that our interpretation of the foregoing may be flawed or even, dare I say, our conceptions of how things "should be" is not necessarily correct? I understand some may not give primacy to the Pali canon in the way that I do but I would proceed with caution when criticizing the Buddhadhamma.

If sir the idea that women have prescribed roles like that of "wife," and that women who spend their husbands money recklessly are bound for hell are given creedance in the Theravada's idea of the Buddha's teaching then I am in the wrong place.



Thanks for the hospitality.