I would be much grateful if i could be advised on a predicament that i keep finding myself often.
Being 43 years old , a father of 2 children, and a husband of a good looking lady, still i keep finding myself looking at women in a sensual light . There are many phases , during which graphic content becomes kind of an all consuming obsession , sometimes followed by living a life full of conduct and good will . Unfortunately , ignorance keeps coming, hitting back with its ferocity . Have been burdened with this curse from early childhood and getting myself abused with troubles most of the time , unfortunately has left many deep rooted scars.
The only good thing is that i have not grown on to become an abuser , nor do i look to seek relationships outside to that of my woman ( but the urge is tremendous, what prevents me is the understanding that once the inherently familiar sensations have got over, i will be left with another troubled body and mind , adding to my own problems, and to that of my family ) . I have done a good many 10 day retreats and also a longer retreat , during which i am least bothered about by other female participants , and lead an exemplary stay, going about diligently in using as much time possible in untangling the troubles of an entangled mind. Coming back to daily living , and after a few days or months , the issue starts haunting again , going on to disrupt living a wakeful and mindful life.
Satipathan , the contemplation of the the disgusting nature and contents of the body , is yet to take strong roots in the deeper consciousness . Lust is very troubling , as it also fuels , indifference, leading on to sloth and torpor.
Sila , the all essential foundation of the Noble Eight Fold Path , yet eludes my efforts.
The Path of Dhamma
The path of Dhamma is no picnic . It is a strenuous march steeply up the hill . If all the comrades desert you , Walk alone ! Walk alone ! with all the Thrill !!
U S.N. Goenka