advise

Exploring Theravāda's connections to other paths. What can we learn from other traditions, religions and philosophies?
Sanjay PS
Posts: 311
Joined: Thu Sep 26, 2013 2:26 pm

advise

Postby Sanjay PS » Sun Sep 29, 2013 8:01 am

I would be much grateful if i could be advised on a predicament that i keep finding myself often.

Being 43 years old , a father of 2 children, and a husband of a good looking lady, still i keep finding myself looking at women in a sensual light . There are many phases , during which graphic content becomes kind of an all consuming obsession , sometimes followed by living a life full of conduct and good will . Unfortunately , ignorance keeps coming, hitting back with its ferocity . Have been burdened with this curse from early childhood and getting myself abused with troubles most of the time , unfortunately has left many deep rooted scars.

The only good thing is that i have not grown on to become an abuser , nor do i look to seek relationships outside to that of my woman ( but the urge is tremendous, what prevents me is the understanding that once the inherently familiar sensations have got over, i will be left with another troubled body and mind , adding to my own problems, and to that of my family ) . I have done a good many 10 day retreats and also a longer retreat , during which i am least bothered about by other female participants , and lead an exemplary stay, going about diligently in using as much time possible in untangling the troubles of an entangled mind. Coming back to daily living , and after a few days or months , the issue starts haunting again , going on to disrupt living a wakeful and mindful life.

Satipathan , the contemplation of the the disgusting nature and contents of the body , is yet to take strong roots in the deeper consciousness . Lust is very troubling , as it also fuels , indifference, leading on to sloth and torpor.

Sila , the all essential foundation of the Noble Eight Fold Path , yet eludes my efforts.

sanjay
The Path of Dhamma

The path of Dhamma is no picnic . It is a strenuous march steeply up the hill . If all the comrades desert you , Walk alone ! Walk alone ! with all the Thrill !!

U S.N. Goenka

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Ben
Posts: 18442
Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2008 12:49 am
Location: kanamaluka

Re: advise

Postby Ben » Sun Sep 29, 2013 9:13 am

Greetings Sanjay,

It appears that you are a practitioner of vipassana meditation.
When we sit to do vipassana meditation its mental training. It might be worthwhile bringing to bear the skills and learnings you develop in sitting practice in daily life.
Intense craving and lust is something that we all contend with by either giving in to it, developing aversion towards it (or the situation where we cannot satisfy it), or doing something differently such as observing the phenomenology of craving with complete objectivity. When craving arises, it is accompanied by mental processes, thoughts, images, and sensations. Perhaps take a moment to turn your eyes inwards and observe the sensations, their rising and falling.
In the meantime, you might also consider that the women that you are lusting after are somebody's wives, daughters. Perhaps, if you can begin to think of other women as your sisters - it may help.
with metta,

Ben
“No lists of things to be done. The day providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.”
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road

Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.
- Sutta Nipata 3.725

(Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • •

e: [email protected]..

Sanjay PS
Posts: 311
Joined: Thu Sep 26, 2013 2:26 pm

Re: advise

Postby Sanjay PS » Sun Sep 29, 2013 10:32 am

The Path of Dhamma

The path of Dhamma is no picnic . It is a strenuous march steeply up the hill . If all the comrades desert you , Walk alone ! Walk alone ! with all the Thrill !!

U S.N. Goenka

User avatar
Ben
Posts: 18442
Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2008 12:49 am
Location: kanamaluka

Re: advise

Postby Ben » Sun Sep 29, 2013 11:15 am

It takes time, Sanjay.
The important thing is to keep applying the effort.
with metta,

Ben
“No lists of things to be done. The day providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.”
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road

Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.
- Sutta Nipata 3.725

(Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • •

e: [email protected]..

Sanjay PS
Posts: 311
Joined: Thu Sep 26, 2013 2:26 pm

Re: advise

Postby Sanjay PS » Sun Sep 29, 2013 11:42 am

The Path of Dhamma

The path of Dhamma is no picnic . It is a strenuous march steeply up the hill . If all the comrades desert you , Walk alone ! Walk alone ! with all the Thrill !!

U S.N. Goenka

User avatar
Ben
Posts: 18442
Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2008 12:49 am
Location: kanamaluka

Re: advise

Postby Ben » Sun Sep 29, 2013 11:58 am

Thank you Sanjay for your kind offer and kind words.
Unfortunately, I will be unable to come to India for some time.
If you have a smartphone, the insight timer (www.insighttimer.com) app may be of interest to you.
There is a Dhamma Wheel meditation challenge group and Uposotha Club groups with some Dhamma Wheel members utilizing it.
with metta,

Ben
“No lists of things to be done. The day providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.”
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road

Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.
- Sutta Nipata 3.725

(Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • •

e: [email protected]..

chownah
Posts: 6167
Joined: Wed Aug 12, 2009 2:19 pm

Re: advise

Postby chownah » Sun Sep 29, 2013 2:58 pm

Sanjay PS,
Just to be clear, are you saying that you become sexually aroused so frequently that it is disruptive of your life?
Is this the root of the problem?
chownah

Sanjay PS
Posts: 311
Joined: Thu Sep 26, 2013 2:26 pm

Re: advise

Postby Sanjay PS » Sun Sep 29, 2013 4:10 pm

The Path of Dhamma

The path of Dhamma is no picnic . It is a strenuous march steeply up the hill . If all the comrades desert you , Walk alone ! Walk alone ! with all the Thrill !!

U S.N. Goenka

chownah
Posts: 6167
Joined: Wed Aug 12, 2009 2:19 pm

Re: advise

Postby chownah » Mon Sep 30, 2013 12:33 pm

Sunjay PS,
Sounds like your problem is not just that you are sexually aroused often but rather that you seek out sexual arousal often. Is that right?
chownah

Sanjay PS
Posts: 311
Joined: Thu Sep 26, 2013 2:26 pm

Re: advise

Postby Sanjay PS » Mon Sep 30, 2013 2:51 pm

The Path of Dhamma

The path of Dhamma is no picnic . It is a strenuous march steeply up the hill . If all the comrades desert you , Walk alone ! Walk alone ! with all the Thrill !!

U S.N. Goenka

chownah
Posts: 6167
Joined: Wed Aug 12, 2009 2:19 pm

Re: advise

Postby chownah » Tue Oct 01, 2013 2:54 am

Sanjay PS,
It looks like you have managed to swim across and I hope that you will help other in swimming across by sharing here what has transpired.
chownah

Sanjay PS
Posts: 311
Joined: Thu Sep 26, 2013 2:26 pm

Re: advise

Postby Sanjay PS » Wed Oct 02, 2013 3:33 am

The Path of Dhamma

The path of Dhamma is no picnic . It is a strenuous march steeply up the hill . If all the comrades desert you , Walk alone ! Walk alone ! with all the Thrill !!

U S.N. Goenka


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