Anyway, for now, I will try gain the strength to stay in the present moment, leaving the past behind and any worries behind, try be less clingy, eat healthy and exercise regularly, get out of the house more, try make some friends and take anti-depressants to help get out of this mess.
That's the spirit, Between2! Some days it's just a matter of putting one foot in front of the other, and getting out the door. Listen, you made some comment about being stupid. I read your posts. You write well, express yourself well...clearly there's some real intellect with you! Give me a break...you're smarter than 80 percent of the planet...but with the worry and depressive feelings, you're just not feeling it right now. So keep moving forward with your 'gaining strength' plan. It's a good one. Things will get better. It's one of the great things about life...things can be in the shitter, and we feel it's just never going to get better...and then one day, it's two years later, and all is actually better, and we wonder why so much energy was invested in the worry and negative thoughts.
Be selfish about getting support. Seek it out. Connect here and any place you feel secure. We're all connected and not a one of us has not felt the vicissitudes of life. It all gets better and that is guaranteed.