I have her permission to publish her words which I thought are astoundingly true.. but how is it for other meditators who are parents?I find myself reacting to my daughter sometimes that frightens me very much.
Involuntary outbursts or reactions that come from the depths of my being that frightens me when I am conscious of it. I have been trying to understand why I lose control like that, and I am coming to realise through restarting my daily meditation practice that I have reflexes that my parents used to have. Their impatience, their lack of attention, vacantness... involuntary outbursts of frustrations. I have been deeply conditioned by my parents.. deep sankharas that are as if they have been etched in stone.
That's why I am delving into the suttas about the nature of sufferings, how they can create more sufferings if they are not ceased.
Why do i seek the wisdom in the words of the Buddha and his exhortation of practice in mindful meditation ?
It's plainly this : I don't wanna hurt my own child in ways that cannot be undone.
So, my child and my lovely spouse has become my meditation practice.
I am very concerned about moulding my daughter with deep complexes, that's why I meditate to let go of my own deep complexes. From a meditative state of being, I am hopeful my actions and words are not that harmful on my little one.
What has been your concrete experiences which you may be able to share with us?