The Concept of a Dhamma Partner

[fijiNut]

I am fortunate to be in a relationship with a serious Dhamma practitioner who also teaches the Dhamma in her spare time.

I have been wondering how other friends here on Dhammawheel have managed their relationships in lay life and made the relationship 'work' given the special circumstances of having Dhamma practice as a high priority agenda (in addition to mortgages, children, and careers !!).

Much metta.

[Ben]

Hi FijiNut
Sorry, its not clear whether you are seeking answers from people who have a spouse who is a co-practitioner or not or...both. Could you please clarify?
Thanks

Ben

[fijiNut]

Hi Ben,

Sorry if I wasn't clear, but I meant having a spouse who is a co-practitioner.


metta,

[rowyourboat]

Well I my wife is a 'co-practitioner' and as in all relationships we have our share of the arguments- sometimes about the amount of practice each of us does! But nevertheless it 'works'. We both have jobs and share our practice with our kalyanamittas helping others out. So I feel fortunate to be with someone who is practising the dhamma. Both of pay all our bills and keep things on an even keel. I have toyed with the idea of being a full time dhamma teacher but I think getting paid for it or living off it may lead to distorting what I teach so I rather work to keep the purity of the dhamma intact.

Having said that I have heard of christian preachers who's wives work for a living. So I wouldnt say that approach cannot work.

with metta

M

[andre9999]

Well I my wife is a 'co-practitioner' and as in all relationships we have our share of the arguments- sometimes about the amount of practice each of us does!

I'm curious, are the arguments about doing too much or not enough?

While I can't really contribute to the thread since my wife is strongly Christian, I am curious about the OP... is the concern that both people practicing will spend too much time and focus doing it? It doesn't seem clear to me when I read the original question.

[rowyourboat]

Hi Andre

Well when you have a lot of enthusiasm for it, it can be difficult sometimes to reign in the horses!

But no seriously, as long as each of us are careful to balance out our efforts then it is ok.

with metta

M

[Individual]

I am fortunate to be in a relationship with a serious Dhamma practitioner who also teaches the Dhamma in her spare time.

I have been wondering how other friends here on Dhammawheel have managed their relationships in lay life and made the relationship 'work' given the special circumstances of having Dhamma practice as a high priority agenda (in addition to mortgages, children, and careers !!).

Much metta.

Kalyanamittas are non-sexual spiritual friends. In Theravada, there is no spiritual wife or sexual yoga.

[rowyourboat]

Where does it say that kalyanamittas are non-sexual. Care to quote?

with metta

[Viscid]

I think getting paid for it or living off it may lead to distorting what I teach so I rather work to keep the purity of the dhamma intact.

Why do you believe you'd distort what you teach if you lived off it? Due to the need to appeal to many people, and perhaps focus on what's popular over more mundane aspects?

[rowyourboat]

I think getting paid for it or living off it may lead to distorting what I teach so I rather work to keep the purity of the dhamma intact.

Why do you believe you'd distort what you teach if you lived off it? Due to the need to appeal to many people, and perhaps focus on what's popular over more mundane aspects?

Yes, exactly!!

"[1] The Dhamma should be taught with the thought, 'I will speak step-by-step.'

"[2] The Dhamma should be taught with the thought, 'I will speak explaining the sequence [of cause & effect].'

"[3] The Dhamma should be taught with the thought, 'I will speak out of compassion.'

"[4] The Dhamma should be taught with the thought, 'I will speak not for the purpose of material reward.'

"[5] The Dhamma should be taught with the thought, 'I will speak without hurting myself or others.'[1]
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka ... .than.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[Hanzze]

_/\_

[Prasadachitta]

Hi FijiNut,

My wife and I both practice the Dhamma. Helping each other to better understand and be aware of our patterns of behavior has become a central part of our relationship. I cant say this is always easy but I think the alternative is not desirable. Supporting each other in our practice and through that looking to be supportive to our community and beyond is the central ideal of our relationship. I know that renunciation is a key aspect of the path and I strive to keep that in mind. I also see that working creatively with this current condition which am awakening to find myself in is where I am at. My wife has had a huge impact in helping to make me the man I am today. We have been together for twelve years and I have benefited a great deal from her companionship. She a truly beautiful human being with just enough faults to keep me on my toes. I certainly keep her on her toes.

Take Care


Gabe

[fijiNut]

Thanks RYB & Gabe,

I really appreciate your feedback, it is inspiring to know that there is a path in Dhamma practice for two.

I think it is very sweet to know that there are others out there in lay life who are mutually supporting each other in Dhamma practice, and personally I find my partner complements me in various ways, there are qualities that I would like to develop that I see in her, and vice versa.
We certainly keep each other 'on our toes' in regards to our behaviour in regards to the Dhamma and we can openly point each others faults/defilements.
We have a shared goal of developing in Dhamma ourselves and helping our group of friends as much as possible and sharing the Dhamma wherever possible with even perhaps the aspiration to go 'all out' on intense practice in the later part of our lives (with 8 precepts or more).

There are still attachments though in the relationship but I guess its a halfway point between a dusty/worldly materialistic lay life and the full renunciation into homelessness.

[Individual]

Where does it say that kalyanamittas are non-sexual. Care to quote?

with metta

Non-sexual was perhaps the wrong word. "Asexual"?

Sexual attraction is not a relevant factor I've ever heard mentioned.