Most efficient way to practice for a householder?

[hermitwin]

http://www.dhammaloka.org.au/articles/i ... ation.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[ninjbyte]

I apologize for resurrecting this thread. I've come only to write the answer I've found, in case it could be of use to someone else reading this.

My error was both in not describing my problem well enough, and of searching for simple solutions in complex means.

PROBLEM: My biggest problem was that it seemed like, though I've been practicing for a long time, I'd still feel a lot of suffering due to desire and aversion, and sometimes it would be so strong that I'd give in. Sometimes I'd feel like my old self, and enter a vicious cycle that would last sometimes a few hours, sometimes a few days. Though my behaviour now is better than before, I still enter the cycle of suffering -> indulging -> more suffering -> more indulging.

QUESTION: I was searching for a way to be "more mindful", "less reactive", without knowing what it precisely meant. I thought that the hindrances would grow weaker if I understood them better, so I started studying cetasikas from the Abhidhamma. But I've been lackluster in my studies, and I didn't know how weak were my bases. I asked you guys and you provided very good advice, but you couldn't reply precisely because I didn't even understand my question well. And what I really needed to ask was: "How do I not let suffering influence me so much? What practice can I apply during daily life to do this?"

SOLUTION: The First Noble Truth. There is suffering. I forgot about the centrality of suffering, or better, I never really understood it correctly, and I realize that to understand it better, the Twelve Insights aren't just a mnemonic game to keep monks busy My approach was wrong: I was trying to avoid suffering in order to work better - but that's not the skillful way, as it wasn't working. I reread the Discourse of Turning of the Wheel and the Fire Sermon. My daily practice now is to be aware of suffering throughout my day, to achieve the second insight of the First Truth.

Quotes that helped spark this insight:

Achaan Chah explained, ''There are two kinds of suffering: the suffering that leads to more suffering and the suffering that leads to the end of suffering. If you are not willing to face the second kind of suffering, you will surely continue to experience the first."

We want to take the easy way, but if there’s no suffering, there’s no wisdom. To be ripe for wisdom, you must really break down and cry in your practice at least three times.

The students don’t realize that their suffering is an opportunity for practice and not a sign of failure, so they mistakenly conclude that something is wrong with the practice or that they cannot do the practice.

In practicing being with life just as it is, you still prefer that your suffering end and you act on that preference whenever possible. But most crucially you do not demand that your difficulties go away.

The way out of suffering is the way through. As Sumedho says, “To let go of suffering we have to admit it into consciousness.”
- Dancing With Life, Moffitt

I knew intelectually that you're supposed to accept, not repress. But I didn't really know what it meant.

PRACTICE: My formal practice for now consists of reading the most "famous" suttas regarding suffering, and meditating on the Four Truths and Twelve Insights as described in the Dhammacakkappavattana Sutta. In my spare time I read Dancing With Life (an unexpectedly instructive book).
My informal practice consists in doing whatever I need to do that day, while being mindful of the arising of suffering, practicing just "staying with it". When it gets intense and my state or work starts collapsing, I will shift my attention from those to the suffering itself, and "stand under it" - in extreme cases, take a few minutes to understand it better, but then carry on with my work.

TL;DR: I've neglected the basics. I still have a lot to learn.

Thank you all for your time

"In the same way, monks, those things that I have known with direct knowledge but have not taught are far more numerous [than what I have taught]. And why haven't I taught them? Because they are not connected with the goal, do not relate to the rudiments of the holy life, and do not lead to disenchantment, to dispassion, to cessation, to calm, to direct knowledge, to self-awakening, to Unbinding. That is why I have not taught them.

"And what have I taught? 'This is stress... This is the origination of stress... This is the cessation of stress... This is the path of practice leading to the cessation of stress': This is what I have taught. And why have I taught these things? Because they are connected with the goal, relate to the rudiments of the holy life, and lead to disenchantment, to dispassion, to cessation, to calm, to direct knowledge, to self-awakening, to Unbinding. This is why I have taught them.

"Therefore your duty is the contemplation, 'This is stress... This is the origination of stress... This is the cessation of stress.' Your duty is the contemplation, 'This is the path of practice leading to the cessation of stress.'"

[Zom]

You are digging too deep for the beginner. This is, however, the most common mistake. If things don't turn out as you expect, you should practise more basic things and stop pouring all your efforts into the last stages of the path.

If you are asking this question "Most efficient way to practice for a householder?" - you should scan Pali Canon for suttas with advice given by the Buddha to householders. This is the right gateway to right practice. Wrong way - to take instructions given to monks or even more than that - to last stages practitioners, like those who are on the path to non-returning or even arahantship.

[SarathW]

I am pleased that you found an answer to your question.

[JohnK]

I apologize for resurrecting this thread...

Glad you checked back in and that you have found an answer
(that includes your suffering).
All the best.

[bodom]

If you are asking this question "Most efficient way to practice for a householder?" - you should scan Pali Canon for suttas with advice given by the Buddha to householders. This is the right gateway to right practice. Wrong way - to take instructions given to monks or even more than that - to last stages practitioners, like those who are on the path to non-returning or even arahantship.

Suttas for the Householder

http://www.dhammawheel.com/viewtopic.php?t=259" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[Pinetree]

A useful mindfulness exercise that you can practice from time to time is to

look and see how your thoughts come to life.

[_anicca_]

I am glad that you have had this insight. This was an insight I have had before. I would look around and think "Hey - everything is going well in my meditation practice. I am going on retreats, studying the dhamma, and practicing meditation, so why am I still suffering." Of course, it was only me reacting to the suffering which was causing me stress and dissatisfaction. Instead, all I simply needed to do was to allow the feeling to be there, accept it, and realize that it is just a feeling. An impersonal process that you have no control over Easier said than done, though! It takes a while!

This study on the Four Noble Truths by Venerable Ajahn Sumedho could be of much help! I think I may review it myself

http://www.buddhanet.net/pdf_file/4nobltru.pdf

Metta ^_^

[DC2R]

"Another important thing is to see that when you stop doing formal meditation practice, if there is no wisdom functioning in the mind, you will give up the practice altogether without any further contemplation, development of awareness or thought about the work which still has to be done. In fact, when you withdraw from samādhi, you know clearly in the mind that you have withdrawn. Having withdrawn you should continue to conduct yourself in a normal manner. Maintain mindfulness and awareness at all times. It isn’t that you only practise meditation in the sitting posture – samādhi means the mind which is firm and unwavering. As you go about your daily life, make the mind firm and steady and maintain this sense of steadiness as the object of mind at all times. You must be practising sati and sampajañña continuously. After you get up from the formal sitting practice and go about your business – walking, riding in cars and so on – whenever your eyes see a form or your ears hear a sound, maintain awareness. As you experience mindobjects which give rise to liking and disliking, try to consistently maintain awareness of the fact that such mental states are impermanent and uncertain. In this way the mind will remain calm and in a state of ‘normality’."

—Ajahn Chah

[Kaneki]

I feel like I'm in a similar stage of practice. I've limited my range of study to mindfulness, sila, implementation of the 4 Brahma viharas, and right view regarding these things. Mindfulness for one's foundation. Cultivating the 4 brahmaviharas as one's mental abiding, as such qualities replace and relieve one of all negative qualities not conducive to the goal or sila. Bored? frustrated? unmotivated? Angry? Sad? Mindfulness with the 4 brahmaviharas take place of these states and fuel the actions that take the place of what fuels latter said mental states. I believe instead of solely working on deconstructing negative mental states through contemplating their being one can hit 2 birds with 1 stone by developing the 4 brahmaviharas, as doing so will unravel and bring comprehension to akusala as the necessary right view is fruit of developing and abiding in the 4 divine states. Initially one finds means of gladdening the mind by developing the mind to look for gratification in actions with intention born of the Brahmaviharas. These 4 qualities are what I personally find necessary to be able to bare the obstacles on the path and are as such grounds to make it one of my primary focuses as a beginner. With mindfulness and the brahmaviharas conducting oneself virtuously I believe becomes natural and effortless. And of course right view of these things is the very fuel we utilize to achieve mastery of these qualities/factors for ourselves. These are just my recent personal feelings and views but I believe one could prioritize focus on these qualities their whole life alone and all other factors of enlightenment would unfold from them. As a beginner, I can't be certain of anything I've just said.

[SearchingPeace]

Ma dai un altro italiano, io sono di Milano
Anyway you got already many good suggestions. If you want to meet in person theravada pratictioners you can go to the Santacittarama not far from Rome in Rieti. You can talk to the monks and to the abbot for any doubts, and meet other people mostly from central Italy but also from other parts of Italy. Very likely there you can find contacts of people who practice in Rome