Literary Newsflash
'Flabbergasted' is the ugliest word in the English language.
Every time you use it, you sound ridiculous and it completely diffuses the intensity of the situation. While you are still surprised of what has just happened, everyone else has forgotten the event and is thinking how ugly the word is and how ridiculous you just sounded.
Joke!!!
Re: Pun-y Pun Thread
JOBS
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn't concentrate.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. Mainly because it was a so-so job.
Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was exhausting.
I worked as a pilot but eventually got grounded for taking off too much.
Then I tried teaching but I couldn't make the grade.
I spent a few years as a psychiatrist but everyone's problems drove me crazy.
I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.
Then I tried to be a chef—figured it would add a little spice to my life but I just didn't have the thyme.
I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.
My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.
I was a pretty good eye doctor, but I could not stay focused on the job.
I worked a long time as a doctor. I gave it my best shot, but I didn't have enough patients.
Next was a job in a shoe factory; but it never touched my sole.
The Energizer Battery Company hired me but then expected me to keep going, and going, and going.
I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.
Thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell.
I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.
I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes but I was fired because I wasn't up to it.
So then I got a job in a gymnasium (work-out-center), but they said I wasn't fit for the job.
Of course, I tried being a secretary, but it turned out not to be my type of work.
My years as an exterminator were pretty good, but I got tired of the rat race.
Next, I found being an electrician interesting, but the work was shocking even though it kind of turned me on.
I was a gardener for a while, but I didn't grow with the job even though I was racking in the money.
My career as a comedian was a stand-up success, but the critics thought I was a big joke.
After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.
My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.
Do you have any ideas? I'm opened for suggestions. Maybe you have something that WORKS, because I don't!
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn't concentrate.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. Mainly because it was a so-so job.
Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was exhausting.
I worked as a pilot but eventually got grounded for taking off too much.
Then I tried teaching but I couldn't make the grade.
I spent a few years as a psychiatrist but everyone's problems drove me crazy.
I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.
Then I tried to be a chef—figured it would add a little spice to my life but I just didn't have the thyme.
I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.
My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.
I was a pretty good eye doctor, but I could not stay focused on the job.
I worked a long time as a doctor. I gave it my best shot, but I didn't have enough patients.
Next was a job in a shoe factory; but it never touched my sole.
The Energizer Battery Company hired me but then expected me to keep going, and going, and going.
I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.
Thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell.
I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.
I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes but I was fired because I wasn't up to it.
So then I got a job in a gymnasium (work-out-center), but they said I wasn't fit for the job.
Of course, I tried being a secretary, but it turned out not to be my type of work.
My years as an exterminator were pretty good, but I got tired of the rat race.
Next, I found being an electrician interesting, but the work was shocking even though it kind of turned me on.
I was a gardener for a while, but I didn't grow with the job even though I was racking in the money.
My career as a comedian was a stand-up success, but the critics thought I was a big joke.
After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.
My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.
Do you have any ideas? I'm opened for suggestions. Maybe you have something that WORKS, because I don't!
Re: Joke!!!
May be a retelling:
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.
Why did the straight guy cross the road? Someone told him to.
Why did the hippie cross the path? Someone told him not to.
Re: Firesign Theater, "I think we are all bozos on this bus."
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.
Why did the straight guy cross the road? Someone told him to.
Why did the hippie cross the path? Someone told him not to.
Re: Firesign Theater, "I think we are all bozos on this bus."
- Dhammanando
- Posts: 6505
- Joined: Tue Dec 30, 2008 10:44 pm
- Location: Mae Wang Huai Rin, Li District, Lamphun
Re: Joke!!!
Yena yena hi maññanti,
tato taṃ hoti aññathā.
In whatever way they conceive it,
It turns out otherwise.
(Sn. 588)
tato taṃ hoti aññathā.
In whatever way they conceive it,
It turns out otherwise.
(Sn. 588)
Re: Joke!!!
Any good Buddhist should know what extinguishes fires -
but any scientists around?
"What is in water that extinguishes fires?"
Fireboats
but any scientists around?
"What is in water that extinguishes fires?"
Fireboats
Re: Joke!!!
How to annoy Americans:
Re: Joke!!!
Which one should an Australian pick?
Mike
Mike
Re: Joke!!!
Aussies no longer live in the steam age, so the question is redundant and superfluous as well as disingenuous and mildly insulting.
Kim
Kim
Re: Joke!!!
Strewth, mate, you're ropeable today. Better put a few more prawns on the barbie and crack open some stubies...
Mike
Mike
Re: Joke!!!
Did you know we are the only people in the whole world (AFAIK ) who both drink and wear stubbies?